Greetings, Squirrel Monkeys. (Seriously, no one's come back at me with a better name than that yet? You all sincerely like being called Squirrel Monkeys? Okay then...I'm all about giving you what you want.) I'd like to start by showing you all what is going on outside of my house right now.
This started around 1pm, and I took these pictures a little after 4pm. There was about three inches out there and it's not supposed to stop anytime soon, so I have all the time in the world to sit around and apologize to for the last blog, and then go right on ahead and make it up to you. Or scare you more. Whichever. By tomorrow, we probably won't even be able to see out our front door.
The irony of me attempting to make things up to you because of the last post is that my fever and blood sugar evened themselves out last night, however, that didn't mean things got less weird. In fact, some could say it was the exact opposite. Let me start with yesterday and work forward.
As I do this, please don't mind me if everything comes out in the form of absolute gibberish that surely only Charlie Brown's parents can understand. I have not organized my computer since the sixth day of the third Hanukkah on record. I am attempting to do this while I write, because I don't actually want to do it, however, I can't take the disorganization, so I feel all kinds of discombobulated. If you don't hear from me again, my head exploded. Or the cold that's been trying to chase me down has finally caught up to me and I wasn't able to ward it off with my singing of campfire songs.
Here are some highlights from my yesterday, post fever and blood sugar problems.
* I am a rock star at Target. Target has an entire bottle of medication just for me. Literally. That should probably tell me something. With one of the medications I take, I can only take a specific pill, even though there are ninety billion generic versions and all have the exact same ingredients. It's not the ingredients that get me, it's the coating. If I get the white coating, I might as well resign myself to bathroom hell. TMI, I know. But the pink coating makes my stomach all kinds of happy. I had to switch from the Wal-Mart pharmacy to Target not just because I'm keeping it classy, but because Wal-Mart switched distributors and wanted to murder my stomach. Now Target is having issues getting the specific pill I need in, so when they do, they just put my name on the entire bottle and save it just for me. I love those people.
* Aunt Bev got my mom one of those puzzles that you put together flat, and tear apart four pieces at a time and lay flat into a frame, therefore making a totally different, 3-D puzzle. My mom asked me to come out and read the directions, because things weren't adding up for her on how to make the puzzle 3-D. The puzzle kept telling you that there were five pieces in a row, and six rows. That would be the total of thirty pieces to make all six rows. However, there were only twenty four pieces. It took a minute, but we figured out they meant to say there were four pieces in a row, not five, even though they repeated it several times. What disturbs me here is that they can presumably count to five, but not to four. There's so many questions I have for these people, but the only conclusion I can come to is that these people are Chinese. You know, with four being such an unlucky number for them and all.
After we got that straightened out, my mom decided it would take her around seven weeks to put this puzzle into the frame for the 3-D position. She asked me to help. I did. I supervised. And by supervised, I mean I brought my computer out and worked on party planning for Greta's birthday at the edge of the table she was working at. Puzzles, Squirrel Monkeys, are not my thing.
* While I was sitting there planning games for Greta's party, I told my mom that I always make sure to plan games for us that are for children, that way I know I won't lose anyone. Adult games are just too hard for us, plus, my mom and Aunt Bev have attention spans at these parties that would make a three year old jealous. (I love you, guys.) I figure if it can entertain a child, they're good with it. My mom asked me if I thought they were too stupid to understand adult games. Before I had a chance to answer, she told me she was drinking out of a water bottle at her open house and dumped water all down her shirt, then had to put her jacket on to cover it up so she wasn't embarrassed. I rest my case.
* We have a couch that is kind of low on the ground, and then you sink into it when you sit down, so it's hard to get out of. Right on cue with our nightly events, my mom got stuck in the couch. She asked me for help and then stuck out her hands, which I guess made her lose her balance or something, because the next thing I knew, her hands and feet were in the air and she was flailing all over the place. Picture this for me, a grown woman stuck in a couch, hands and feet straight out and going like a lady bug when flipped on its back. Lady bugs I can help, but the moment I got a look at her, I couldn't stop laughing. Every time I thought I could, I would just look at her again and laugh again. She finally got up herself.
By the time my mom went to bed and I was alone to write, I couldn't even write. I was so exhausted from the fever and exhaustion of the day that I had nothing. So I sat here and outlined for my one story, came up with some really good stuff, came up with some stuff that was hilarious but not appropriate for anything, and then came up with some stuff that sucked so bad we won't talk about it again. This is why I always outline first.
Today came around, like it always does, and things didn't really get much less ridiculous, except my head has gotten more stuffed up. I know I've mentioned this before, but people who work for our state are automatically crazier than anyone else in the state, and that's including rednecks. I also think they also have lower IQs, but since I have no proof, I'm not going to use defamation to bring them down. Instead, I'll just tell you the story from today. But first, remind me that when one of the two ladies from social security send me something directly from them, to just not open it.
A few days before Christmas, the nicer of the two ladies called me to ask me about my doctors, although their information was on the forms I sent in, so that she could request information from them. Look, I'll amuse you even if you already have the information if you're nice to me. When the phone call was over, she said she would be sending them the HIPAA forms I had already signed...three days before Christmas. Both are private practices and not in a hospital or any other major medical facility. Most likely, both would be closed through Christmas and New Years. If not, they would definitely be absent for a few days due to the holidays. I understood that doctor's offices are slow, and then with the holiday it would take them awhile to get the information to the social security lady. Plus, with several people in each office, sometimes it's a few days before the HIPAA forms even make it to the right person, or that person gets a chance to read their mail. It's a doctor's office. I'm sure they're busy.
Plus, with the holidays, the postal service was not only super backed up, but took a few days off as well. So mail is going to be backed up. Things are going to take longer to get where they're going. Don't expect miracles.
Today, I got paper in the mail from the social security lady, who also has my phone number and could have called me for this, but instead wasted paper and state money on a stamp, that two of the doctor's offices hadn't gotten back to her yet, therefore, I was to call them and get back to her within ten days about what was going on with the paperwork. Where do I even start on the things that are wrong with this?
First of all, let's just start with the fact that these places have barely had the papers for three weeks, plus, there were holidays in between. I'm surprised it's only two offices she hasn't heard back from yet. Relax. Give them a chance. Rome will not fall.
Second, it is her job to call and check up on these papers, not mine. If she has a problem, she is to follow up on it.
Third, I don't really know what she wants me to do. Sure, I can call and tell them that my social security lady is too lazy to call them, but apparently she sent them letters requesting my medical information and she wants it sent pronto. No, I don't know the exact date she sent it. No, I don't know exactly which records she is requesting. I just know she expected it the day she sent the letter and not a day after, screw holidays and the postal service.
Fourth, why exactly am I calling her back? She said I'm supposed to call her back to let her know if they're sending the information. They probably are. That's probably what they're working on doing now. If you'd call them, you would know that. And I'm sure she's going to ask if I know exactly when they're sending it. I do not, but again, instead of going through all of this shit, maybe she should do her job and call them herself!
Sorry. Clearly, I've had enough of social security workers for a lifetime. No wonder old people need lawyers to apply. They'd be confused and crying into their cup of tea, while wondering why that nice lady at social security is so crazy. Then they'd cry some more and completely become confused and end up calling an making an appointment at their doctor's office just to ask that question. And since old people are so cute and some don't have health insurance, they would then have to pay for it out of their own pocket because someone didn't do their job. Gees.
Next time I decide to brave the snowstorm of the year to walk down the hill and across the street to get the mail, just remind me of this story. Also, there is so much snow out there that the news is alerting us that Linda's Line Dancing class is canceled. Damn. In all this snow, our news channel also forgot how to spell canceled correctly on every single one of their alerts. Only in Pennsylvania.
The news has also brought this little gem to my attention. Apparently, in our county, there are thirty five drivers driving thirty eight salt trucks. That's exactly how it was worded. I'm no math genius, but 11 out of ten usually doesn't add up. I get what they meant, and maybe I'm being a nit picky little jerk, but I think there were better ways to word that. I love our news people! They provide me with so much amusement. See: any other blog I've done about our newscasts. These people just hand me blogging me material. They just hand it to me for free!
In other news, we got one of those recorded phone calls from our congressman inviting us to take place in an live telephone chat, which sounds oh so dirty but probably is just really boring. Anyway, I don't know who recorded the message, but at the beginning the congressman makes a sound that is literally this, "cuck!" He cucked at us! It was like a half cough, half talk. We just decided we would take it as him being offended that we didn't answer the phone, therefore, that's why he left it in the recording. It was his subtle way to show his annoyance.
Also, our washer is making a sound that I'm sure only banshees and hyenas make during mating season. It might think it's cool to follow in the dryer's footsteps, but it's only two and it's not allowed. We can't take another catastrophe like dryer gate of Christmas 2010 again.
I also have a little story for you guys about joining blogging networks. I decided to go ahead today and sign up for different networks in hopes of not so much getting my blog out there, but my writing. I can very honestly say that Bloglovin' is a nightmare. They have my blog on there, but there's nothing right about it. They have the incorrect number of followers, they claim that I have never put a post on the blog and that I don't update it, and even went as far as to put a disclaimer on it that since I have no followers, my blog won't be updated often.
I'm livid, because none of it is true and it shows my blog in a bad light. You all know this blog is my baby, and this is exactly why I'm not a fan of networks. It's one thing if you sign yourself up for it and they obtain your information, but this one obtained my blog's information without me signing up or agreeing to it, and then has it incorrect. I am emailing them to either get the issue resolved, or get it pulled off of their site. And I'm sure it is my blog, because when I click on the link they have, it takes me to my blog. Grr. I'll keep you updated on how this works out.
Zoe and Vivi, your blogs are also screwed up on their network. Maybe I'm missing something here, but saying we have no followers and haven't ever updated our blogs is a little disconcerting.
Also, if you're going to contact Kirby customer service about your vacuum, you may as well just buy a new vacuum. It takes them forever to get back to you and they don't bother to answer your question and completely blow you off with a no-reply email address. I guess they want me to call them, but I didn't call them because a: they have banker hours and I don't want to waste my cell phone minutes when I have free evenings, and b: I don't want to sit on the phone for forty seven hours. I'm just trying to save you all time.
I will leave you with these words for the day.
As the one bride on Bridezillas said after the wedding:
"Stop and think before you go killin' somebody."
And as I said as I fell over for the ninetieth time yesterday:
"If you don't fall periodically, you're not enjoying the true potential of gravity."
Don't worry, advice giver / motivational speaker extraordinaire is not on my list of things to torture people with in my life.
This started around 1pm, and I took these pictures a little after 4pm. There was about three inches out there and it's not supposed to stop anytime soon, so I have all the time in the world to sit around and apologize to for the last blog, and then go right on ahead and make it up to you. Or scare you more. Whichever. By tomorrow, we probably won't even be able to see out our front door.
The irony of me attempting to make things up to you because of the last post is that my fever and blood sugar evened themselves out last night, however, that didn't mean things got less weird. In fact, some could say it was the exact opposite. Let me start with yesterday and work forward.
As I do this, please don't mind me if everything comes out in the form of absolute gibberish that surely only Charlie Brown's parents can understand. I have not organized my computer since the sixth day of the third Hanukkah on record. I am attempting to do this while I write, because I don't actually want to do it, however, I can't take the disorganization, so I feel all kinds of discombobulated. If you don't hear from me again, my head exploded. Or the cold that's been trying to chase me down has finally caught up to me and I wasn't able to ward it off with my singing of campfire songs.
Here are some highlights from my yesterday, post fever and blood sugar problems.
* I am a rock star at Target. Target has an entire bottle of medication just for me. Literally. That should probably tell me something. With one of the medications I take, I can only take a specific pill, even though there are ninety billion generic versions and all have the exact same ingredients. It's not the ingredients that get me, it's the coating. If I get the white coating, I might as well resign myself to bathroom hell. TMI, I know. But the pink coating makes my stomach all kinds of happy. I had to switch from the Wal-Mart pharmacy to Target not just because I'm keeping it classy, but because Wal-Mart switched distributors and wanted to murder my stomach. Now Target is having issues getting the specific pill I need in, so when they do, they just put my name on the entire bottle and save it just for me. I love those people.
* Aunt Bev got my mom one of those puzzles that you put together flat, and tear apart four pieces at a time and lay flat into a frame, therefore making a totally different, 3-D puzzle. My mom asked me to come out and read the directions, because things weren't adding up for her on how to make the puzzle 3-D. The puzzle kept telling you that there were five pieces in a row, and six rows. That would be the total of thirty pieces to make all six rows. However, there were only twenty four pieces. It took a minute, but we figured out they meant to say there were four pieces in a row, not five, even though they repeated it several times. What disturbs me here is that they can presumably count to five, but not to four. There's so many questions I have for these people, but the only conclusion I can come to is that these people are Chinese. You know, with four being such an unlucky number for them and all.
After we got that straightened out, my mom decided it would take her around seven weeks to put this puzzle into the frame for the 3-D position. She asked me to help. I did. I supervised. And by supervised, I mean I brought my computer out and worked on party planning for Greta's birthday at the edge of the table she was working at. Puzzles, Squirrel Monkeys, are not my thing.
* While I was sitting there planning games for Greta's party, I told my mom that I always make sure to plan games for us that are for children, that way I know I won't lose anyone. Adult games are just too hard for us, plus, my mom and Aunt Bev have attention spans at these parties that would make a three year old jealous. (I love you, guys.) I figure if it can entertain a child, they're good with it. My mom asked me if I thought they were too stupid to understand adult games. Before I had a chance to answer, she told me she was drinking out of a water bottle at her open house and dumped water all down her shirt, then had to put her jacket on to cover it up so she wasn't embarrassed. I rest my case.
* We have a couch that is kind of low on the ground, and then you sink into it when you sit down, so it's hard to get out of. Right on cue with our nightly events, my mom got stuck in the couch. She asked me for help and then stuck out her hands, which I guess made her lose her balance or something, because the next thing I knew, her hands and feet were in the air and she was flailing all over the place. Picture this for me, a grown woman stuck in a couch, hands and feet straight out and going like a lady bug when flipped on its back. Lady bugs I can help, but the moment I got a look at her, I couldn't stop laughing. Every time I thought I could, I would just look at her again and laugh again. She finally got up herself.
By the time my mom went to bed and I was alone to write, I couldn't even write. I was so exhausted from the fever and exhaustion of the day that I had nothing. So I sat here and outlined for my one story, came up with some really good stuff, came up with some stuff that was hilarious but not appropriate for anything, and then came up with some stuff that sucked so bad we won't talk about it again. This is why I always outline first.
Today came around, like it always does, and things didn't really get much less ridiculous, except my head has gotten more stuffed up. I know I've mentioned this before, but people who work for our state are automatically crazier than anyone else in the state, and that's including rednecks. I also think they also have lower IQs, but since I have no proof, I'm not going to use defamation to bring them down. Instead, I'll just tell you the story from today. But first, remind me that when one of the two ladies from social security send me something directly from them, to just not open it.
A few days before Christmas, the nicer of the two ladies called me to ask me about my doctors, although their information was on the forms I sent in, so that she could request information from them. Look, I'll amuse you even if you already have the information if you're nice to me. When the phone call was over, she said she would be sending them the HIPAA forms I had already signed...three days before Christmas. Both are private practices and not in a hospital or any other major medical facility. Most likely, both would be closed through Christmas and New Years. If not, they would definitely be absent for a few days due to the holidays. I understood that doctor's offices are slow, and then with the holiday it would take them awhile to get the information to the social security lady. Plus, with several people in each office, sometimes it's a few days before the HIPAA forms even make it to the right person, or that person gets a chance to read their mail. It's a doctor's office. I'm sure they're busy.
Plus, with the holidays, the postal service was not only super backed up, but took a few days off as well. So mail is going to be backed up. Things are going to take longer to get where they're going. Don't expect miracles.
Today, I got paper in the mail from the social security lady, who also has my phone number and could have called me for this, but instead wasted paper and state money on a stamp, that two of the doctor's offices hadn't gotten back to her yet, therefore, I was to call them and get back to her within ten days about what was going on with the paperwork. Where do I even start on the things that are wrong with this?
First of all, let's just start with the fact that these places have barely had the papers for three weeks, plus, there were holidays in between. I'm surprised it's only two offices she hasn't heard back from yet. Relax. Give them a chance. Rome will not fall.
Second, it is her job to call and check up on these papers, not mine. If she has a problem, she is to follow up on it.
Third, I don't really know what she wants me to do. Sure, I can call and tell them that my social security lady is too lazy to call them, but apparently she sent them letters requesting my medical information and she wants it sent pronto. No, I don't know the exact date she sent it. No, I don't know exactly which records she is requesting. I just know she expected it the day she sent the letter and not a day after, screw holidays and the postal service.
Fourth, why exactly am I calling her back? She said I'm supposed to call her back to let her know if they're sending the information. They probably are. That's probably what they're working on doing now. If you'd call them, you would know that. And I'm sure she's going to ask if I know exactly when they're sending it. I do not, but again, instead of going through all of this shit, maybe she should do her job and call them herself!
Sorry. Clearly, I've had enough of social security workers for a lifetime. No wonder old people need lawyers to apply. They'd be confused and crying into their cup of tea, while wondering why that nice lady at social security is so crazy. Then they'd cry some more and completely become confused and end up calling an making an appointment at their doctor's office just to ask that question. And since old people are so cute and some don't have health insurance, they would then have to pay for it out of their own pocket because someone didn't do their job. Gees.
Next time I decide to brave the snowstorm of the year to walk down the hill and across the street to get the mail, just remind me of this story. Also, there is so much snow out there that the news is alerting us that Linda's Line Dancing class is canceled. Damn. In all this snow, our news channel also forgot how to spell canceled correctly on every single one of their alerts. Only in Pennsylvania.
The news has also brought this little gem to my attention. Apparently, in our county, there are thirty five drivers driving thirty eight salt trucks. That's exactly how it was worded. I'm no math genius, but 11 out of ten usually doesn't add up. I get what they meant, and maybe I'm being a nit picky little jerk, but I think there were better ways to word that. I love our news people! They provide me with so much amusement. See: any other blog I've done about our newscasts. These people just hand me blogging me material. They just hand it to me for free!
In other news, we got one of those recorded phone calls from our congressman inviting us to take place in an live telephone chat, which sounds oh so dirty but probably is just really boring. Anyway, I don't know who recorded the message, but at the beginning the congressman makes a sound that is literally this, "cuck!" He cucked at us! It was like a half cough, half talk. We just decided we would take it as him being offended that we didn't answer the phone, therefore, that's why he left it in the recording. It was his subtle way to show his annoyance.
Also, our washer is making a sound that I'm sure only banshees and hyenas make during mating season. It might think it's cool to follow in the dryer's footsteps, but it's only two and it's not allowed. We can't take another catastrophe like dryer gate of Christmas 2010 again.
I also have a little story for you guys about joining blogging networks. I decided to go ahead today and sign up for different networks in hopes of not so much getting my blog out there, but my writing. I can very honestly say that Bloglovin' is a nightmare. They have my blog on there, but there's nothing right about it. They have the incorrect number of followers, they claim that I have never put a post on the blog and that I don't update it, and even went as far as to put a disclaimer on it that since I have no followers, my blog won't be updated often.
I'm livid, because none of it is true and it shows my blog in a bad light. You all know this blog is my baby, and this is exactly why I'm not a fan of networks. It's one thing if you sign yourself up for it and they obtain your information, but this one obtained my blog's information without me signing up or agreeing to it, and then has it incorrect. I am emailing them to either get the issue resolved, or get it pulled off of their site. And I'm sure it is my blog, because when I click on the link they have, it takes me to my blog. Grr. I'll keep you updated on how this works out.
Zoe and Vivi, your blogs are also screwed up on their network. Maybe I'm missing something here, but saying we have no followers and haven't ever updated our blogs is a little disconcerting.
Also, if you're going to contact Kirby customer service about your vacuum, you may as well just buy a new vacuum. It takes them forever to get back to you and they don't bother to answer your question and completely blow you off with a no-reply email address. I guess they want me to call them, but I didn't call them because a: they have banker hours and I don't want to waste my cell phone minutes when I have free evenings, and b: I don't want to sit on the phone for forty seven hours. I'm just trying to save you all time.
I will leave you with these words for the day.
As the one bride on Bridezillas said after the wedding:
"Stop and think before you go killin' somebody."
And as I said as I fell over for the ninetieth time yesterday:
"If you don't fall periodically, you're not enjoying the true potential of gravity."
Don't worry, advice giver / motivational speaker extraordinaire is not on my list of things to torture people with in my life.
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