A Little Troubling

This post is full of funny words and funny links. If you're like me and are mature...for a two year old, you should remove any food items from your mouth, and probably water, too. I can't be held responsible for you choking and dying from laughter. I promise I'll get back to real stories when I start feeling better.

Last night was not a good night. I had a good day, a fun party for Greta Hayley, and then all of a sudden my chest decided that feeling as if there were one hundred elephants doing a ritualistic spiritual dance inside of my it was completely necessary, and maybe even a little bit awesome. I could not sleep; it was five am until that consideration came about. In being in so much pain, crying, and not knowing what to do with myself, my Awesome Australian Friend (AAF) decided to amuse me with some funny things, hoping to help. We'll get to how she did that in a moment. However, it all started with me finding a new website, and slowly went downhill from there. And by downhill, I mean uphill in laughter, downhill in choking, and my chest pain not really changing, but at least my mind wasn't as totally focused on it. I have awesome friends.

I found a new favorite website last night, as reflected in yesterday's very short, albeit very funny post. Damn You, Auto Correct shares the plight we've all faced, and if you say it hasn't, I'm inclined to think you're lying. Auto correct takes no prisoners, much like spell check. It thinks you're saying what it wants you to say. It's never anything close to what you're trying to say. Therefore, I'd like to share my favorites from the website. These are the ones that made me laugh so hard I literally choked. I'm surprised I'm still alive, because there's a bunch of them. As I mentioned in the previous post, I have't laughed this hard since Falker Satherhood. I never laughed that hard prior to Falker Satherhood.

A New Nickname
Road Sexuality
Active Tourists For Sale
It's Not the Alligator
One's Not A Word, One's In Korea
I've Missed Them (Not)
Centipede / Cute = They Mean the Same Thing, Don't They?
So That's How You Get Free Rent
Borg = The Sound A Muppet Makes
Avoid This Friendship
Jesus Crust, Do You Have Some?
Ducking Schindler On a Saturday Night
Leaving Fart Worth
Logrolling Your True Feelings
Ukraine and Ikea...Totally Close
If It's Shemar Moore, I'm Totally Messing With You
Does It Wear a Kippah?
Favorite Fail
It Says Buttwad!

Upon telling Awesome Australian Friend about my quandary, she decided to try to make me laugh by doing the only thing she knew to do; sending me pictures of MGG dressed badly. Which is nearly every picture of him. And don't judge, she doesn't know me in real life. Even if she did, that was probably the best way to make me laugh. Let me explain. (I find I explain a lot of things on this blog. I'm not sorry that things come out wrong consistently.)

If you've ever seen a picture of MGG, it's a well known fact that he inherently has troubling fashion choices, and the word effeminate has been thrown around once or a hundred times in reference to him, often by him. Let's back that up, because his biological sister is the Laura Dahl. How one sibling ends up with great fashion, enough to make a fabulous living off of, and the other one looks worse than Pete Wentz and Brendon Urie put together, flabbergasts me and should probably be studied by science. And a few other words about that.

- I mean, it's assaulting to everyone with eyes.

- I find his ever present fashion choices a little troubling.

- I get that he’s a nerd, okay, and that’s what I like about him, so I’m not knocking it, but there’s a difference between a nerd and a challenged person.

- How is it that the show manages to dress him like a horrible, horrible, colorblind dork, yet it’s still better than how he dresses himself?

- And it’s beginning to scare me when he looks normal. I wonder if something is wrong with him.

And by looks, I mean dresses normally. It's frightening, but I'm getting to that now with a pictorial. You're welcome for the laughs. Put down the food before opening any links.

For starters, when someone describes something as creepy and pornstar-ish, and then attaches a picture, I immediately have to share it with you guys. See, I’m always thinking of you. You’re welcome.

- I’m a little uncomfortable with where MGG’s hand is. Jackson, however, has the right idea.

Now, why I posted that. Guys, the girl in that picture is Jasper from Twilight. I hope I never have to say that again. And yes, I did say the girl. He’s also not the only Twilight person to be on CM. Mike Welch was, too. Oh, and the show dressed MGG, so see former comment about the show making him look like a horrible, horrible, colorblind dork. And this is one of the better outfits.

- Minus the pants, I like that one.
- WAIT, NOT MINUS THE PANTS!
- WITH DIFFERENT PANTS!!!!
- I MEANT WITH DIFFERENT PANTS!

Really, I did. No one wants to see that.

- What is with the crushed velvet pants?
- He owns more than one pair, which was troubling enough.

- I feel so bad for him that he thinks this is okay.

Kids, if you, too, think this is okay, please go have your eyes checked. I'm not saying that to be sarcastic. I'm trying to help you, I swear.

- Oh, it’s that sweater again.
- Enough with that sweater.

This sweater pops up on him often. It's offensive. It happens so much, in fact, that we're not longer shocked by said sweater. It's just the sweater. And seriously, y'all, does it ever really get that cold in California? No, seriously, does it?

Obviously, there was a reason the following conversation needed to take place.

Me: Is it so wrong that I want a pair?
Me: Sorry, wrong window
Me: Cassadee can’t read.
Me: But we’re talking about flip flop socks.
Awesome Australian Friend: Flip flop socks?
Me: Yes.
Me: Mismatched ones.
Me: I don’t think we can talk about MGG anymore.
Awesome Australian Friend: Okay, Amy, you don’t need flip flop socks, lol. Unless you would like me to call you MGG.
Me: I’m okay with that.
Me: No, no I’m not.
Me: Nobody tell MGG about those socks.

Also, for those of you unfamiliar, MGG was a model. I know, go ahead and get your laughter out. It's not that he's a bad looking guy, but him modeling is awkward because they made him look very womanly. I'm not going to post the pictures here, I will just let you Google MGG modeling pictures for yourself, or we'd be here for awhile. I will say this, though.

This is the only picture that was not highly effeminate. And by that, I mean he actually looked like a man in it. (He looked a little hot, too. Shut up.) It took us awhile to get used to him not being made up to look girlie in a fashion photo, and apparently this picture is very recent.

SURPRISE SUPERNATURAL PICTURE! Sorry, I was mind cleaning. It feels better now, doesn't it?

Let's also move along to the ever handsome Shemar Moore and his fashion issues. Look, we like to laugh at good looking folk with bad fashion sense. It makes our day. We also like to wonder where their mothers are.

- Him wearing that shirt and drinking wine is an oxymoron.
- But that shirt is still sadly better than anything Matthew owns, and it says elf.
- What shirt says elf?
- OMG!
- It doesn’t say elf!
- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- No, THAT DOES SAY ELF. It’s not supposed to, but the s is gone. If you look, you can see where the s wore off.

In case I didn't mention, I was not feeling well last night. I still don't feel well tonight. I'm not responsible for any of these conversational tidbits that are still funny to me. Go ahead, laugh at me. I know it's coming. However, it's hard when I'm misguidedly laughing, too.

- So he acted dead, but he refused to admit to pending death?

AAF: We get Days of Our Lives and the Bold and the Beautiful. (The one we call Dumb and Brainless.)

We were all thinking it.

- If I’m thinking of the right guy, I thought that dude was gay.

Too gay for a girlfriend. I was thinking of the wrong guy.

- It’s going to take a “special” person. Not sure exactly what I meant by “special” yet.

Me: And human flesh tastes icky.
AAF: Lol, just a little icky.
Me: Yes, yes, not that I would know from experience, though.
Me: At least that’s what I tell my parole officer.

Me: And if by dag you mean an incredibly sexy duck, then yes, that’s me.
AAF: Lol, of course.
Me: Awesome.
Me: I promise there’s a reason I want to be a duck. They tell people off. They just run over, quack, and that’s the end of it. No one argues with a duck.

- Oh look, it’s a stripper.

- I have to be a jerk for a second, which basically means things are right on track.

- Sorry if I creeped you and everyone in a six mile radius out.

- Love me like a two cent whore. You know you want to.

- K, ima keep sending things, and apparently saying things like imma.

Hey, I can’t spell incorrect words correctly incorrect twice. At least I’m consistent.

- This is my attempt at keeping perverted comments to myself. I just tell bad jokes that aren’t funny.

- That’s my catch phrase: Speeling erors, better than perverted comments.

- TIT
- YOU TYPED TIT!
- I’m sorry
- I am so sorry.
- I swear I don’t act like this is real life.
- Okay, that’s a lie.
- And now that I’ve shamed myself.
- Just remember you love me. And I’m sorry.

- I may be a perv, but I’m a nice perv.

- So he either lies, or nature hates him.

- Because we don’t know him, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
- I don’t know why we’re starting that shit now, but we will.

We’re not benefit of the doubt kind of people.

- If Justin Bieber sang a song about getting a girlfriend, and then Ludicrous joined him, that’s how special that would be. Oh wait, that happened.

Surprisingly not about MGG and his fashion no-sense.

- And the have the chinkiest lunch room
- Damn it!
- Okay, that was all spell check’s fault.
- That was NOT what I wanted to say.
- Because I didn’t mean their lunchroom was Asian!

I meant chincy-est. Not chinkiest. I'm sorry I offended an entire group of people.