Help Wanted: Frosty Is Buried By Snow - Needs Nice Citizen to Dig Him Out

Good News: We can see out of our door.
Bad News: This snow is very deceiving.
Good News: I got out of the house today.
Bad News: See previous bad news.

Squirrel Monkeys, I had myself an adventure today. When I got up it was snowing like crazy, just as they called for. As usual, I was shocked because they're normally nowhere near right, except for the day after it happens. Around one o'clock it tapered off and then stopped completely. The heavens opened, angels sang, snowplows went, sidewalks were cleared, and we saw ground. We figured in another ten minutes it would be covered again, but when it was a few hours later and still wasn't, I decided to make my way out to pick up a few groceries just in case we got snowed in again.

I got dressed, got ready, called and made sure that my food money was available, and left the house. Long story short, I went into the garage, opened the door, got in the car, and started it. I decided to wait a couple of minutes until it warmed up. There's two things that you have to understand here. One is that when I say a few minutes, I mean I maybe sat there three or four minutes. Two, the car was facing the back of the garage, so I couldn't see outside.

I merrily pulled out after a I decided the car was properly warmed up, and I almost had a coronary. In those few minutes while the car was warming up, the sky apparently felt bloating and exploded snow all over the damn place. We have a short, albeit downhill driveway. By the time I realized the situation had become a dangerous one, I was mid-driveway and couldn't get back up the hill without pulling the whole way down and getting a running start. I got down on the road and saw that it had gone from bear, to snow covered and slippery oh so quickly, and decided I would go down the road a little bit and turn around. My ideas never work out.

At the same time that I was going down our very skinny, very slippery road, the plant at the end of the road had just let out its day shift, bringing an abundance of cars down our road. Try as I might, between people's driveways being too bad to turn around in and knowing it's not nice to do that anyway, and the oncoming cars, I was unable to turn around. I thought, gee, that's okay, I'll just do it at the road up ahead. Nope, nada, not happening. Thanks, you damn cars from that stupid plant up the road! Thanks a lot.

You have to understand that we live in the country, so I was on back roads to get where I was going, and also that where I was going was only about a mile and a half away. By the time I got somewhere that I could turn around, I was literally right down the road from where I was going. I debated what to do and then decided that I had made it this far, I wasn't far from home, and I would just go in real fast, grab a few things to tide us over, and then go home. Did I ever mention that my ideas suck?

When I got to where I was going, there was an ambulance there. I ignored it and went inside, and never did figure out what that was all about. Maybe the drivers were just hungry. The place was a zoo, but the only thing it was filled with was people. Everything else...gone. The things that they did still have had the prices jacked up so high that you knew they did it because of the weather. Pizza that usually costs $3.00? It was $7.59. It's funny until you realize I'm not kidding. I guess they figured they could jack up the prices to infinity on the few things they did have and desperate people would be forced to buy it. That's probably why, for the first time in the history of my going over there, there wasn't a line to the door of people waiting to be checked out.

I was going to just leave, but I figured that I had just risk my sanity to come out and I was there, so I was going to pick up something. I found something that wasn't marked up and took it to the register. This is where not one, but two things went wrong. For one, the item was marked up about fifty percent. Had this been a normal day, I would have had the cashier do a price check, because the display where I got what I had was right behind me and it clearly said a very different price. Then I looked outside and it was snowing Himalayan kitties and long haired huskies, so I figured since the total was still under two dollars that it wasn't worth it. Also, my food card wouldn't go through. Apparently, the weather knocked the system down. I mumbled things to myself, paid him with a few dollars I borrowed from my mom, and walked out of the store knowing I wasted my time, but that it was kind of indicative to my life so it was fine and a little funny.

It took me a good ten minutes to get home in the snow, and if I went over fifteen miles an hour, I slid. This was fine until some jack wagon in a huge truck decided riding on my ass was totally necessary. That's great, dude. I have four wheel drive, too. I'm still sliding. Then I ended up going turtle slow, because I saw him sliding behind me, and if he was going to hit me, he was going to hit me going super, duper slow where the worst he'd do is dent my vehicle, as opposed to going moderately slow where he could actually shove my little SUV off the road with his Texas sized truck.

When I did make it home and had to stop to let someone on the opposite side of the road go so that I could get up my driveway, he was probably ready to eat me. I hoped I bored him to near death. I couldn't take having murder charges on my hands. I charged the driveway, slid into a snow bank, slid back down the driveway some, caught traction, got halfway up, slid again, caught traction again and finally made it in the garage. Next time I know it's snowed or may snow within twenty four hours of me wanting to go somewhere, I'm just staying home. And do you all want to know what I got for all that trouble. Two donuts. Donuts. Two. That's it! I was that desperate to not come home empty handed. But its' fine, I ate them.

And with that adventure under my belt, I'm just going to share some strange emails with you all so I can finally delete them. I'll even explain them to you first so I don't completely confuse you.

My one friend was having issues with a boy hitting on her. He wouldn't leave her alone. She tried and tried, but nothing she said worked. I told her to tell him she was a lesbian. She did. He didn't believe her. I told him to tell him she had a girlfriend. She did. He wanted proof. I told her to tell him the girlfriend was long distance. She did. It made him more of a perv. Finally I just decided to write her an email as her far away lesbian lover. It is as follows:

My Dearest Becky,

Though we are miles apart, I still know that what we have is real. I never thought I would feel this way, and yet I do. I can't wait until the day I can move out there and be with you. I'm in the process of selling all my things and finding a way to you. Whether you want a real relationship, or something purely, masochistically sexual, it is fine by me. I want to see where this thing can go.

Love,
Cassadee

He left her alone after that. Boys are so gullible.

This lady in this story is my hero. Enough said.

This will warm your heart, especially if you have lost faith in human
kindness.

This letter was sent to the principals' office after an elementary school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today!

__________________________________


Dear Faculty and Students,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged.

All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes

As far as I know, this is totally legit.

This was sent to my mom and Aunt Bev regarding my favorite human logic fail ever. It's made me lose completely faith in human race understanding logic and general common sense.

Taylor Swift wrote a song about her band. It is obvious to anyone who can read at a kindergarten level and comprehend at a preschool level that the song is about her band. She even says, in so many words, that it's about her band in the song.

Enter this.

First of all, the main poster is obviously one of those nerdy gamers, and then on top of it, clearly is not one of the smarter ones, however, they do think they know it all. It takes someone who lives with mom at age thirty because they never leave the house and are too busy playing video games to come up with the conclusion they did to what her lyrics are saying.

And then there's the second person, who clearly thinks that World of Warcraft is so great that Taylor Swift is not awesome or insightful enough to know how to write a song about it. What I really love is how they have the nerve to put her down while saying she's not insightful enough to know that much about World of Warcraft. I don't think this person passed sixth grade, so it's awesome for them to make a comment about her songs sounding like they were written by a sixth grader. And, if this person hates Taylor Swift so much, why did they listen to the song and then respond to this post? The song isn't even a single. People seriously are just nuts.

And then everyone else just argues in poor English about what the song is about. I think if people aren't going to the songs, yet debate them publicly, they shouldn't be allowed to own CDs. Is that mean?

For the record, I'm about to go bat-shit crazy lady on Bloglovin'. They've not gotten back to me, nothing has been changed, and now they have my recent searches as semi-pornographic and completely inappropriate things. Not only do I not search that stuff to begin with, but I never search anything through my blog, and I would have to search it through my blog to show up on their site. Not only am I pissed, I'm offended. I just want my blog off their network. I didn't give them permission to put it on there in the first place.