Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, May I Take Your Order

Oh, Girls, we have so much to talk about. At least I assume we're all girls here since I've not heard otherwise. If you're a boy, speak up or forever hold your peace. And I do mean forever. We girls will talk right over you.

For today, I have a bunch of random stuff to talk about that doesn't really go together, so bear with me. The lucky penny that defied all odds, I got it. A mentally incorrect Craigslist buyer, I got that, too. Good Burger, we're so going there. Are you ready?

I've never picked up a penny off the ground and had good luck before. However, I continued to pick up pennies over and over again just because I liked the thought of having a lucky penny more than I believed in its power. A few days ago, while walking in to Target, one of those pennies proved me wrong. The funny thing about this is, as soon as I bent down to pick it up, I made the comment about how they never work and I always waste my thirty seconds bending down, and then trying to get back up again. Hey, with my health issues, getting back up is hard. I may as well be a ninety year old lady. My gram and I, we had a lot in common.

While at Target, I was shopping for a lamp. I recently got a bed that moves so I can sit up and sleep, instead of sleeping on the couch for three more years. One thing I learned very quickly is that, when you're completely clumsy and could hurt yourself in a padded room with nothing else in it, it's important to have a light close to your bed when your light switch is five feet away. Unless you want to die. Then I would suggest not getting a light. I didn't want to die, though.

I also didn't want to have to spend an arm, leg and kidney for a lamp, as I had other things I needed, too, so I was taking my time looking through them. There were all these larger lamps for sale, just the lamps. The shelf above contained the lampshades. They were not put together and they were super expensive and out of my price range. Then, I found this adorable little lamp of my dreams.

There were several lamps in a row, all of them with the lampshades already on them, and they were decently priced, so I picked one out and took it to the register. When the guy scanned them, I learned that the lamp and the shade were not together. They were sold separately, even though there was nothing indicating that at the display. I was a little sad. This was the perfect lamp. Not only did it do all the things that lamps should, like, you know, light up, but it was cute, too.

Target made it a point to put the shades on all of these little lamps, and then turn them around so the sku was facing backwards, and there was no separate price on them. There was a price for the lamp, but the shades only had a sku you couldn't see with no price tag for it anywhere, leaving you to believe they were together. Especially because all the other lamps were separate from the lampshades. These were not, and the price tag to just the lamp was in full view, where there wasn't one anywhere for the lampshades.

The guy at the register admitted this was done on purpose and this happens all the time with these lamps because of that. I told him that was okay, that it was my fault that I didn't read the price tag better / turn it around and see if there was a sku on the lamp, and that I just couldn't afford it for that price. He then said, "let me do something and see if I can make it all right with you." This was Target, not a yard sale, so I told him that it was really okay, it was my own fault and I wasn't going to yell at him about it. He just worked there and couldn't control Target trickery. He followed with, "that's why I'm doing this, because you're being so nice about it." He then told my mom that she did a good job with me. I ended up getting that sucker for pretty much the same price I thought it was because of this awesome guy.

He is my new favorite person in the whole wide world, I would shop there again and again because of him, and I also would like to thank that penny for actually being lucky. If I've learned anything, it's that you may pick up a thousand pennies in your life, and if you're lucky one out of those thousand will bring you luck, but it's a no lose because you'll still be a thousand pennies richer. The moral of the story: Always pick up a penny. That penny, however, will most likely not protect you from people on Craigslist. It will not make them smarter, any less crazy, or any more polite. This is disappointing.

In my last post, I mentioned that I had gotten an email from, and I quote, " a girl who is genuinely interested in my furniture and wants to come see it tomorrow." I also went on to say, and again I quote, "I liked her because she knew how to use punctuation, form a sentence, and spell." I had high hopes for her.

People, I was seriously wrong about her. And no, she didn't show up, but we're getting to that. First, I would like to start by sharing that email that made me gloat about this woman, and we'll go from there. I realize I was way too nice about her sentence forming and what not, but it made sense, which is more than most peoples' emails do. Her name and phone number have been edited out to protect the...uh, I do it because I just don't feel right about putting someone's name and phone number out there. I wouldn't want someone doing it to me, even if I was an odd little jerk.

Hello-
I am interested in coming to look at the Beautiful Bedroom suit you have. Can you e-mail me Pictures of the Vanity and does it have a Bench /Chair with it?
I am sorry to be e-mailing you late but i just saw your ad. I am free tomorrow if someone will be avail. to shoe it. If I Buy it I will not be taking it with me until an evening or over the weekend as I have a friend with a truck that will pick it up for me.
Please call me to set up a Day/Time if tomorrow does not suit you.
Thank You,

I emailed her back immediately, within ten minutes of her emailing me, with the pictures she requested. I never heard back from her. This is where I'd like to point out two different places in this email. One is that she asked me to email her pictures. Two was that I was to call her if tomorrow didn't work for me. Since it did and she wanted pictures emailed to her, I only emailed her. I didn't call her. I didn't see a reason to. I thought if I called her and I emailed her, because, again, I had to email her the pictures anyway, that she would be one of those people that I've unfortunately dealt with before who get mad and feel like you're not listening to their email and bugging them by both emailing and calling. Maybe I read too much into this. Either way, three days went by of me not hearing from her, which isn't unusual on Craigslist. I just figured she moved on and changed her mind. Then, yesterday at 4:49am, when I was fast asleep, this came in.

I e-mailed you the other day and waited for you to call. I didn't realize you had e-mailed me. I am sorry. I have a Dentist appt. at the Mall at noon today. I would like to see the furniture if I could. Probably after I am done. I won't be able to talk because I will still be numb, as I had 3 teeth done last evening. So they have to do the rest today. Please let me know if I will be able to come or if that doesn't work for you. I am giving you my New Cell # to call me on. I will be leaving around 8:30am so I won't get any of my e-mails until I get home.After today I am not sure when I will be coming to Greensburg next.

You waited for me to call? I waited for you to email me! And show up! OR SOMETHING!

Let me just start by saying how much I love that she starts out by passively aggressively blaming me for not calling her. Bitch, I waited all day for you to contact me. I am not your babysitter. I am not supposed to email and call you just to see if you're coming out to see my furniture. Again, maybe I should have just called her, but when she asked me to email her pictures and to call if I couldn't do it tomorrow, it was logical of me to think she would check her email to see if I got back to her, or see her pictures. Besides, why am I sending her pictures if she's not going to check her email to see them and just come out and see the furniture, meaning she wouldn't have needed the pictures anyway? That would be a stupid waste of time. But I digress. It gets better.

Second, she has an appointment at the mall. What mall? As you all know, malls are littered everywhere here in America. This cleared up nothing for me. I assumed she was going to the mall closest to where I live, however, there's not a dentist there. There's one near there, but not actually in the same complex, or in the same parking lot, or on the same side of the road, or anything like that, at that mall. So I really didn't know. I just assumed. However, this probably isn't important to anything. I was just annoyed and nitpicking.

This is the second time this lady has contacted me at the last minute and wanted to come see the furniture right away, which is a little annoying, but fine. I understand people are people and they're going to do that when you're selling an item. And you have to deal with it if you want to sell that item. I obviously didn't get the email and call her at 4:50am, but as soon as I got it I called her. I got her voice mail and figured she was just in the dentist chair, so I left a message with my number telling her to give me a call when she was ready and come on over. I'd give her directions then. I was afraid if I just gave her directions, she'd just show up and I didn't want that. I thought that was reasonable.

This will be important now, after you realize she told me to call, but that she wouldn't be able to talk. Does that make zero sense to anyone but me? She didn't know where I lived. I had to give her directions. What if she got lost? How was I supposed to hear her confusion through the silence? And how were we supposed to talk furniture if she couldn't talk? This is probably useless to express, but she hasn't called me back yet, and that was yesterday. And I was pissed, because this is the second time I've gotten back to her as soon as I got her email and she didn't get back to me. I'm going to wait a few days and see if this somehow becomes my fault again. This time she'll probably tell me I should have emailed her, even though at the bottom of the email she said if I do she wouldn't get it until she was already home, and by that time it was basically too late, because she didn't know when she'd be coming this way again.

And let's talk about that little tidbit of info, shall we. I know where she's from due to the exchange on her home phone number. She lives twenty minutes from here. I mean, it's obvious that she didn't live that far for two reasons. One is that she wouldn't drive a long way to go to the dentist. She would just find a closer dentist if he was really that far away. There's dentists everywhere. It wouldn't be that hard to do. And she wouldn't be willing to come here, look at the furniture, and then come back down with someone if she lived that far away, via her suggestion in the first email. She would just wait and come down with someone who could haul it the first time, just in case she decided to take it, so she wouldn't have to make that long, grueling trip again.

I also love that she got a new cell phone number. The number she gave me in her last email was her cell phone number. How did she know I didn't try to call her and she had her number changed so I couldn't get a hold of her? In her defense, she did give me her home number, too, but I just thought that was extra special.

People honestly just baffle me. They baffle me. They leave me cranky and speechless when the crank wears off. This lady now has me wondering if I should email her, too. I half expect if I don't, she'll call me back and say she's been waiting for my email. *Heads desk* I'm waiting for it. I thought about also emailing her, but we have the theory that, if I do that she's going to think I'm getting desperate about the furniture and is possibly acting this way to try to get me desperate to sell so that I will give it to her cheaper. It's happened before. The thing is, when you start this crap, I just become totally unwilling to haggle with you.

I kind of regret giving her my phone number, which is something I don't do unless I already have an appointment with someone, just in case they get lost. I have a rule about that, because I've learned my lesson from having other things on Craiglist. This was a total bitch thing of me to do, and I know it was, but I made sure to put all her numbers in my phone as "Crazy Craigslist Bitch." Wrong, I know, but I couldn't resist. I'd never be rude to her, so this is my silent little way of keeping myself from losing my shit on her for wasting two days waiting for her. And the thing is, if she contacts me again, do I even bother to try with her, or do I just ignore her knowing her past indicates she's never going to show up and the joke is probably on me? I feel like I'm playing Devil's Advocate with some lady just to sell my furniture. Trust me, if I didn't need the money from the furniture sell to buy new furniture, I'd give it to someone who needed it and go on my merry way.

I'm done complaining about Craigslist people for this post, I promise. Let's talk about Good Burger. Some of you may have no idea what Good Burger is, because it was really more of a my generation kind of thing. Back in the day, there was a show on Nickelodeon called All That. I'm not talking about the newer version, but the original one with Kenan, Kel and Amanda Bynes. At my age, that show was all that. It was the show everyone watched and talked about in school. It was the bomb. From All That spawned a show with two of the show's stars called Kenan and Kel. It starred Kenan and Kel. Could you have guessed? From that show came Good Burger, also starring Kenan and Kel. Intriguing, I know.

In Good Burger, Kel played Ed, the dim cashier at Good Burger who understood nothing and couldn't even get an order correct. Kenan played Dexter, the completely intelligent kid who accidentally hit his teacher's car and, in order to pay back the damage, had to get a job and ended up at Good Burger. The basic plot is that a new burger joint is moving in across the street and attempting to shut Good Burger down. Kenan and Kel find out that this burger joint is actually using all these illegal hormones in their burgers to make them bigger, so they set up a plan to take the place down.

Not to give away too much of the ending, but Ed saves the day. That's right, I said Ed, not Dexter. And with Ed doing scenes like this and spitting out lines like this (you have to wait for him to come up at end scene), it's amazing. But the golden part of this movie, the one that makes the whole thing worth watching, and one big, ironic pile of fun at the end, is that, when Dexter finds out Ed saved the day, he says to him, "you figured that out all by yourself?" Ed looks at him and very seriously says, "Yeah, I'm not stupid." And that, my friends, is the one line that makes the entire movie.

Bow Bags and Craigslist and Delivery Guys, Oh My!

Hello all! Whew, the holiday rush is over. We can all breathe again. And re-watch episodes of Criminal Minds that we half ignored while trying to prepare for the holiday season, and are seriously bummed out by this. Wait, maybe that's just me.

I would like to start by welcoming the awesome newest reader to the blog, Amber. Let's all give her a very warm welcome and show her around blogger a little, if she would like us to. And by all, I mean the three of us, but that's okay because we have enough good thoughts and love for about three hundred and eighty three people. That may just be an estimate, but I think I'm pretty right on.

Just a few short stories for you all before we move on to the showcase of things I made for Christmas. I feel like such a show boat right now. Feel free to break off my heel so that I walk funny and become a horrible show boater. I'll understand.

Today we had something delivered to the house. Delivery people are unintentionally some of the funniest people around, and you never know what you're going to get from them. Today we got a very special individual who was very tall, extremely skinny and lanky, pale, blonde haired and walked with a swagger. Yep, it was great up until that last point. You had to hold in your laughter every time he walked by, but he has made my list of favorite people because he was funny. Even if it wasn't on purpose, I take all the funny I can get. I promise I'm not really picking on him. Just picture this for me though. You understand now why I had to share, don't you? Uh huh.

Also, my cat is a bed groupie. She fell in love with my bed and she will not leave it alone. If you try to sit by her or move her, she gets very angry and yells. Am I supposed to take this as a hint?

As you all know, I don't do well on Craigslist. It's like I'm this big, flashing neon light that crazies just skip right into, straight jackets and all. I don't know how this happened. Actually, I do know how this happened. I'm dumb enough to post stuff on Craigslist knowing I have this beacon rotating over my head, so I basically walk right into it. Today was no exception. Some guy emailed me wanting to know if I, the seller, was a female. He couldn't care less about what I was selling. He probably wasn't even interested in it. He just wanted to know if I was a female. I figured it best not to answer him. That's creepy. Although it was tempting to tell him that I am a football playing hermaphrodite, who works as a part time cop and carries a gun.

I did, however, get a nice email from a girl who is genuinely interested in my furniture and wants to come see it tomorrow. If she shows up or not is another story, but I liked her because she knew how to use punctuation, form a sentence, and spell. This is a first for me on Craigslist. Eventually, I have a feeling that Craigslist is going to get its own tag on my blog. That's scary and there should never be a reason for that, unless, of course, you are a site about nothing but Craigslist stupidity.

Now, on to the pretty little things. As you all know, this was a very stressful crafty Christmas for me, but I pulled it off. As promised, I am going to share with you what I made. I'm going to start with these adorable little bow bags. I found the tutorial online, but I personally found the directions difficult to follow. They took me longer than I thought they would because of that, but I got them done and the pattern and bags are amazing. If you would like to know how to make these bags, please let me know and I will point you in the right direction. As I said, I personally found the original instructions to be a bit confusing, so if you need any clarification or super tedious step-by-steps, please let me know. (Edit: The author of this tutorial chose to post a comment calling me all kinds of names because I said her tutorial was difficult to follow. I'm sorry I offended her. It was probably me, and it was no offense to her to say I personally found something difficult to follow.)

The first purse is the one I made for Aunt Bev. It was made with leftover acetone material from my bedroom curtains.

The bow came from a spool I bought at Joanne's. It's a simple translucent gold to match the gold fireflies in the material.

The inside was made from material I also found at Joanne's. It's a tan patchwork upholstery material, which added a nice, vintage look, to a sleek and trendy bag.

This purse is the one I made from my mom. For this one I bought upholstery fabric.

The bow was also a Joanne's find.

The inside of the purse was made from a silk blend liner material. The iridescence really sets the purse off, doesn't it?

Because these purses came out cuter than I had expected, I had to make myself one. Instead of using fancy materials like I had with the other ones, I went for regular cotton.

One of my favorite things about this purse is that I switched it up with the handle. Instead of making the handle completely out of the outer fabric, I used some liner fabric for one side of it, and the outer fabric for another. Then, when I put it on, I put the liner fabric sunny side up to add character and a bit of whimsy and vintage aura to the bag.

The bow, believe it or not, was used to tie my mom's Christmas present that she got at work together. The liner was made out of a the reverse pattern of the outside fabric. Instead of the fabric being blue with white birds, the inner fabric is white with blue birds. I think using the reverse fabric gave the purse a little kick that it needed.


One thing that all the purses had, but I didn't take a picture of with the other ones, are buttons on the sides where the handle is being held on. For this purse I used two different buttons to add to the character and vintage look. Both were pink, just two different shades.



Each purse has one 6x6 pocket inside for your lip gloss and other cute things we girls like. You can also loosen and tighten the bow to allow for more or less room at the top of the purse. Someone would have to physically untie the bow to get into it, so it's pretty thieft proof. By the time they had it halfway done, you could be beating them with it. I know, violence isn't the answer.

If anyone would like to make any of these, please let me know. I will send you a clarified, more easy to follow tutorial than the one you will find online. And if you can't understand it, I am here to offer help at any time.

"A Special Kind of Special"

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope yours was merry, you enjoyed your families, and got everything you wanted Santa to bring you. He's the man.

Today was epic. There's two kinds of epic, so let me clarify:

The kind of epic we had today was not this kind of epic. This kind of epic is right down my line of funny. I like off color things, and this cracked me up for about a half an hour. Plus, that concept being done by a country band makes it ten times better. It defines epic. (Side note: The guy she kidnaps was totally married to Fran Drescher in some show about fifty billion years ago. Don't ask me what color socks I wore today, but that I remember.)

The kind of epic we had was this kind of epic. It's the kind of epic when you know it's bad, but it's so stupidly bad that it's hysterical and you can't stop laughing, even though it's not actually funny. It's a little sad. (Side note: My friend and I assume he knows he's this bad, because yes, we have nothing better to do than talk about but stupid shit like this. Save us. However, he is the one who openly posted these. We think he did it knowing he was bad and was trying to be funny, but you never can tell with his sense of humor. If they weren't meant to be funny, we find them funny and sad and refuse to apologize.)

It was the day that we lost every and anything we could possibly lose while it was right in front of our faces all the while. Yep, totally the bad, but really hysterical kind of funny. Just a few notes about all the things we lost. Keep in mind that I can't remember most of them, so yes, it was worse than I'm conveying.

* The winner of the bunch is that my mom did not lose Katy Perry. Instead, she lost Selena Gomez, Automatic Loveletter and Jessica Harp. I think I mentioned before that I ordered the presents I wanted off of Amazon and my mom paid for them. Some say this is cheating. I am one of those people. Irregardless, I opened my presents only to find there were no more and I was missing three. My mom and I spent a ton of time looking for them, wondering where she put them, and she panicked while I thought it was funny. Do you all want to know where those presents were? They were in my stocking. The whole time. They never moved. *Sigh*

* I brought out the bags of the animals' wrapped presents and sat them down. When I got to the bottom of the cat bag I realized I was missing a present. I panicked, thinking one of the dogs had gotten into it, took it, ate it and all its little inedible insides, and someone was going to die. Nope, I just wrapped two things together.

* Aunt Bev handed out our presents and thought she forgot one of my mom's. There's was some panic, some "oh poop," and then she realized she wrapped two of my mom's together. There's no way we're not blood related.

Like I said, there was totally more things we lost, because every time we turned around we were looking for something, but that's all I can remember. Short time memory is on my side tonight. And, for the record, the only thing we didn't lose was food. We never lose food.

After all the presents were opened, I decided it was time to wrap the animals. I took this task literally and seriously. These pictures are totally in reverse order of what happened, but we're going to pretend their not so that I can tell a fictional story. It's not actually fictional, it just didn't happen in this order. Is anyone else confused by me?

Helena was a wrapping "no want." Instead, she thought the bow would be yummy in her tummy. I took it from her before we were at the emergency vets on Christmas, trying to explain to them why we were dumb asses. There's no explanation for that.


Stitch was a little more interested in the ribbon. He didn't want to eat it, he just wanted to attack-smell it.

It took him precisely four seconds to realize I was a moron and give me "the look." Touche.

I moved on to play. He tolerated it...

for about as long as Stitch did, and then I got this, which is a modified version of "the look." Stitch helped from behind.

Lila was a ton better about things. I got the look, but she let me put the bow on her head.

That was all I was asking, really.

Pie was completely tolerant of this. She thought she was a pretty, pretty princess. Which is rare considering she usually wants to tear your head off. Our nickname for her when she was a kitten was "Satan's Spawn." No kidding.



And yes, Aunt Bev, I totally cropped out the button hole in your shirt so you didn't look like a whore. I think that was the term you used. But I still talked about. Oops.

Last we had Leo, who actually went first after I realized Helena was not going to take it. He was the exact opposite. He didn't give a flying unicorn fart that he had a ribbon on his head. After several minutes of laughter I was finally able to contain myself enough to get some pictures. There's several, you know, just in case the first angle wasn't funny enough.




And did I mention he's a ninety five pound rotty? That's null and void, though, because he is a cry baby sis pants of which I've nicknamed Zak Junior, after Zak Bagans. I don't know if anyone would understand why I did that if I tried to explain it, so I think I'll pass on trying.

Christmas, Inappropriate Cards, Light Up Pajamas, and Jane Lynch

Merry Christmas, everyone! And to those of you who don't celebrate it, Merry-Just-Like-Every-Other-Day-Only-Nothing-Is-Open-So-You-Can't-Get-Anything-Done. We got our dryer, and my curmudgeon of a tooth is gone, so I am ready to spread glee across the land with a few of my favorite Christmas things.

There are four things that have nothing to do with anything important or sentimental that I love, all of which I've been blessed with this Christmas. I promise I won't get mushy on you. These things don't include specific people, so you're free to love on these things, too.

One is the Christmas pajamas I am wearing. I am a reindeer lover from way back in the day, and not only are these pajamas reindeer pajamas, but they light up. Yep, that's right, my pajamas light up. Be jealous. This is always good until I actually go to sleep, and then wake up panicked and wondering why the aliens have come to abduct me because there's lights coming from my chest. Needless to say, it's safer for me to not actually sleep in them, but instead wear them to show off before bed. If I were to sleep in them, I'd end up in andelusions of alien abduction rehab facility. They do have rehab for things like that, don't they?

One of my other favorite things is Jane Lynch. She was on The View the other day, and I toughed out watching a show I don't particularly enjoy just to see her. What always disappoints me is that she's praised for all her roles in funny things, because she is a funny lady. What people always, always pass up is her role on Criminal Minds. They act like she's never been on that show, because she's not funny in it, whereas I think she should be highly praised for it for that reason. It takes a lot of talent for a naturally funny women to play the schizophrenic mom of Dr. Reid, who lives in a sanitarium. If you want to see her act to the best of her phenomenal ability, it's her role in that show that you want to see.

The next two things I love I am just going to show you. The first one is inappropriately obscure Christmas cards. Every year I hope and pray to Santa that we'll end up with at least one. This year we hit the mother load and ended up with three. One I'm not going to post, because it's not the card itself that is inappropriately obscure. It's the fact that it was sent from the funeral home where my gram was laid to rest. Yes, we got a Christmas card from a funeral home. It's just so ironic at this time of year that I can't quite find the words to express it.

Then, my mom's friend Charlene stopped over with a card for each of us. And, Charlene being Charlene, both cards were screamingly inappropriately obscure, which is why I like her so dang much. The below is my card. No copyright infringement is intended.

The best part? The inside said "I picked this card just for you." Yep, it went there

The next card was my mom's. I guess there's various versions of this card, but it doesn't get any less funny. I'm going to start stealing both lines from this card when appropriate.


And drum roll please. The inside says:

I also love these Purina Pawtraits. So from Greta Hayley and myself, to you and yours, we wish you a happy holiday season, and hope Santa fulfills all your wishes this year. Now, we must get to bed before the big guy refuses to come. Merry Christmas!

I'm Sorry, Christmas

When I decided to try and post every day until Christmas, I decided to do it in the spirit of Christmas. Obviously, I've been more of a Scrooge than anything. I know it's hard to believe, but I am a real life Elf. I love everything about Christmas. I sing Christmas songs all year around and annoy people, during the season I merrily sing along with them in stores, I love shopping, even with the crowds, I enjoy wrapping presents, I keep Christmas movies on an endless stream all month, when I see Santa I immediately react by going "SAAANNNTAAAA" just like in Elf, and the list goes on.

This year, I honestly just want the season to be over. I never understood how anyone could want or say that, but now I do, and I think when I realized that today, I realized I also needed to explain to you guys why I've been acting the way I have. I don't feel like what I've written over the last few weeks is anything like what you're used to. It's cynical, cranky and whiny at best and I hope you all know that's not the real me. Please give me a chance to explain why I've been a miserable bitch.

Last month, as I wrote about previously, I swelled up eight pounds over night, and that was bad enough. I had enough pain and what not from that to be miserable, but I got through it. Now, on top of this time of year, I'm going through testing to figure out what happened, and I still have more testing to go through when the season is over. I'm behind on Christmas because of that issue that laid me up for a few weeks last month, and it's really stressful to go through all these tests. It would have been stressful at any time of the year, but it's more of a hindrance at Christmas. I think you all know me well enough to know that normally I would keep my head up about this and handle it better. Right now, I just can't. And honestly, I'm not used to being this way either, but I know why I am.

Last month, I started a new medication to try and help with my blood disorder, which is extremely painful at times, and really painful on a regular basis. My body is super sensitive to medications, so we usually know right away if I can tolerate a medication or not, even if it's one that isn't supposed to work for several months. My body just reacts differently. The medication I was taking was the previously mentioned anti-malaria medication. It helps with blood disorders and various kinds of auto-immune disorders also, so even though mine is yet to be diagnosed, there was a lot of hope that it would help.

The medication did help. In fact, I felt an entire shift in my body. I didn't have the pain I was used to. I mostly had no pain at all. I wasn't having the dizzy spells, I wasn't feeling sick. For the first time in years I felt like a normal human being. I was getting up in the morning and going to bed at night. Being sick wasn't keeping me up. I wasn't tired when I was awake. I wasn't sleeping all the time. My mood changed and I felt like the person I was before I got sick; the person I had lost. A happier person. I had a ton of hope for where this was going and was extremely cheery about the whole thing.

Then I started having seizures. I've had little seizures before, that weren't diagnosed as actual seizures but reacted the same. But these were nothing like that. I was having full blown seizures lasting forty five minutes to an hour. When I had one, I tried to dismiss it as being the medication, even though I had a feeling that's what it was since it was the only thing that had changed. The one was nothing like the ones I used to have, and I hadn't had one in over year, so it was hard to dismiss it for that reason also. A few days later, I had another one. Then, I started having little ones exactly one hour after I'd take the medication. And then by the time the week was up, I had three really bad ones and seven little ones, and I knew I had to stop taking the medication.

Coming down from the medication, which is something I'm still doing a week and a half later, is one of the hardest things. The seizures stopped immediately and I haven't had one since. I've had a few times where I felt like I was going to, but no dice, which is great. But my body quickly went back to being in pain, only now the pain feels worse because, instead of just being used to having it, I didn't have it for a few weeks. Also, I can feel my whole body shifting and I just don't feel right. I know it takes around three months for medication to get out of your system, and I feel like I'm detoxing. I've been miserable and moody, and I can't think of any other reason for it. Apparently this medication does change the way your auto-immune system works, so I'm sure that's why I'm feeling this way, but it's hard. I wish I would have never taken it. I would have been better off.

On top of that, my pain medication was recalled because it was causing heart problems. I already have heart problems that I had prior to taking the medication, so it was imperative that I stopped it immediately. This would have been okay, except when I called my doctor to change the medication, I found out she was out for over two weeks for Christmas. So now I'm coming off of this medication, in a lot of pain, and I have nothing to take to help me with it, which is not helping the miserable factor.

You have to understand that I am not a person who cries a lot because I'm in pain. I cry because a movie is sappy, or I'm having a sappy moment. I'm one of those people. But I'm used to being in pain and I don't cry over it. I've been crying for over and hour tonight because I'm in that much pain. And the thing about crying because you're in pain as opposed to when you're crying because a movie is sad, here's looking at you, Deep Impact, is something you can't just turn off. It knows now bounds. As long as there's pain, it doesn't want to stop.

I also started having problems with my root canal tooth last month. I went to the dentist and he found no problem with it, but my gums were swollen. He told me to go to the doctor. I did, and she surmised that the swelling in my gums was due to the auto-immune disorder, which causes tissue to swell. Gums are nothing but tissue. The nerves to your teeth are pliable, but the piece they put in for the root canal is not, so it's very possible that when my gums swell that they're pinching because of that piece. Also, it took me a year and a half to get my root canal finished for various reasons, so it's very possible it has an infection we can't get out.

I could live with a little bit of pain. Then it got so bad that I couldn't stand it. There still seems to be no viable reason for it, but I want the tooth out. So Thursday I go to get the tooth out, and I honestly hope I don't flip shit by Thursday, because this sucker hurts. I'm just grateful they're getting me in before Christmas, because there's no way I could go the weekend. I was also having weird, all over mouth pain, but we realized that the medication I was taking was also causing that, because once I stopped it, I stopped having it. It's just the root canal tooth. I really didn't want to be without a tooth, but I've been through hell with this stupid root canal and I just want the tooth as far away from me as possible. I can't take it on top of everything else, so I'm just completely agitated.

Then our dryer died. My mom fixed it and it was happy for awhile and now it's just dead. We have a shit load of stuff that needs to be washed, and we can't dry it. There's just no way. Add that it's that time of the month for me and I'm bleeding through everything because my blood disorder makes the bleeding worse, and it just adds to the stress of the whole thing. Since it's Christmas, it's probably going to be a few weeks until we can get a dryer delivered, and we're wondering what the hell we're supposed to do until then. Our one cat has also decided to start peeing on things, and now we can wash it, but we can't dry it. So frustrating.

Also, thanks to the inheritance I got from my grandma, I was able to order one of those beds that you can sit straight up in, because I've been sleeping on the couch for three years. I can't lay down at all or I get really sick. I couldn't get comfortable against pillows in bed, so I just sleep sitting up on the couch. The bed was supposed to be here before Christmas. We were promised it would be. Apparently the local deliverers are just taking this week off, so now I won't have it for another week, which is fine, but I wish they would have been honest with us. I tore my old bed apart and now my room is a disaster area.

I would not have done this had I known I wasn't getting the bed this week. I know it sounds stupid, but I had stuff under my bed; containers of stuff. Now that's stacked in my room. My sheets and pillows are on the floor. And I also used my bed to lay out my clothes and stuff, because, with being in pain like I am, I can't bend down and actually get back up again. I have nowhere to lay my clothes, or any other stuff I just need to set down for a moment and I'm just frustrated.

I know I'm doing a lot of complaining in trying to explain why I've been so cranky. I'm not looking for sympathy. This blog is the place I go to vent. It's my therapy, so that's why you all have been getting hit with this. And I'm sorry, because I feel like I'm letting everyone down right now. And I also know I'm blaming the season. But if it wasn't for the season we'd have a dryer delivered sooner, I'd have my bed, I'd have my pain medication because my doctor would be in, and I would have gotten in sooner with my dentist. So yes, I'm cranky toward Christmas, but it isn't Christmas' fault. I'm sorry, Christmas.

Winter Wonderland of Birds

Hark, little birdies, HARK! I've finally gotten around to posting all the promised bird pictures. They're not great, as they were taken with my old Blackberry, but enjoy what you can. Even if you're having trouble finding the birds in the picture, the landscape is gorgeous covered in snow. But as we all know, snow is a lie. It might be pretty, but it's also pretty dangerous. Snow, you get me every time. But snow is Christmas-y, and since it's that time of the year, let's go winter wonderland crazy.

Some of these pictures are going to be like the Where's Waldo of birds. Can you spot the beautiful red bird right smack dab in the middle of this picture? Yes, I gave it away, but surprises aren't my thing.

This not-so-little guy was wandering all over the place. Then his friend came and joined in. After that, one fluttered away. For all I know, this may be the friend and not Original Bird. Yep, that's his name. So I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if this is Original Bird, or Clone Friend Bird.

Look! the red bird moved! The excitement is unending.

*Sigh* Fine, we were that bored at the vet's. Our dog had to be taken in the back, so we waited for nearly an hour. He's fine, though, promise. He just doesn't like his toenails clipped, so he has to be tranquilized to get it done. We've had him since he was two months old, and he was mean about his toenails then. We tried to encourage him not to be, but we lost. He's also over 90lbs, so we don't put up a good fight. Suggestions on how to deal with this are so welcome.

Can you spot the four little birds on the feeder in the middle? I promise there are four there and that they have a really bright yellow color running through them. Apparently they just didn't want to photograph well.

In the front we have the fattest bird in the world and his or her friend, the second fattest bird in the world. Behind, we have the two smallest birds in the world. This is not the last you will see of Fattest and Second Fattest.

This is an overall picture of the area where the birds were. I know, Hello Captain Obvious. However, there's roughly eight to ten birds in this picture. Bet you can't find them all. I was there and knew how many birds I photographed and I still can't. Lamesauce.

This picture is really the difficult one to spot the four birds in.

PSYCH!

Yes, I'm being ridiculously cheesy now. I'm sorry, guys. This is what Christmas does to me. It brings out the cheese.

Here I present to you Original Bird and Other Bird That Kept Attacking Original Bird For Territory of the Feeder. I'm going to assume these birds are both male. You know how guys are about their food.

I believe in this picture we have Original Bird or Clone Friend Bird. Did I mention that they're both woodpeckers, and boy could they peck wood. Which reminds me of woodchucks chucking wood. Maybe woodchucks and woodpeckers are in a secret alliance to chuck and peck wood together until they own more wood than any lumber company in the world. Muahaha!

Here is another overall picture. Little Blue and Fattest Bird and Second Fattest are all three in this picture.

Here is a close up of Fattest Bird and Second Fattest Bird. Can you see them on the right middle of the screen? At one time, Fattest Bird sat on this twig of a branch and I kept waiting for it to break. I was genuinely shocked when he successfully flew away with the branch in tack. This is no offense to Fattest Bird, but laws of gravity still apply. I love you, Fattest Bird. I love you, too, Second Fattest Bird.

I spot two birds. How many do you see?

The woodpecker and the little bird. Such pretty sights to see in the mountains. Unfortunately, snow and birds are beautiful to look at, but both dangerous. Did I ever mention that I think birds are the cutest things ever, but I'm freakishly afraid of them?

Hey, don't laugh. I've been chased by a chicken and swooped at by various birds that got in our house via a broken fireplace. We had to find out how they were getting in to fix it. It took awhile.
You'd be afraid of birds, too. And if not, lie to me and say you would be.

The woodpecker took a hike, but now we have another little bluebird atop the taller birdhouse. The beauty.

Just in case you all don't know that I do ridiculous things with my ADHD, I was doing some paperwork while messing with the bird pictures, and ended up putting Bird as my last name. It's amazing I can type, you guys.

Weather, You Are A Lie

I am less of a Grinch today, you guys. Finally, the Sprint Phone Saga of 2010 has ended. I got a new phone, no problem, from an employee who actually knew what she was doing. It's purple and shiny. We all know how I do with shiny things. I'll never get anything done on it. The shiny will distract me. Hey, The Shiny would be an awesome name for a movie that would be much more horrific than The Shining because it's all about shiny things distracting people into horrible occurrences. On second thought, I don't think we should be looking for that in theaters anytime soon.

Also, the package that was stuck in the same place forever and a Christmas, which is such a bad joke at this time of the year, has finally got its butt moving. I won't count on anything until it's here, but with any luck it will be soon.

My mom fixed the dryer, so now we don't have to run around in dirty, smelly clothes and we can actually smell like clean people. Also, we can wash blankets and what not. It's a very exciting day, people.

But the good luck streak couldn't continue throughout every aspect of life, unfortunately. Remy is still broken. I just hope I don't have to hold a funeral for her.

I am also fully addicted to this game and I completely blame AOL. I never click on their game suggestions, but I guess last night I had a hankering for stupidity. Now I just want to keep playing it and I hate myself for it. It's completely addicting. If you click that link, you can't say I didn't warn you. Well, you can, but that would be a lie.

Today was a deceiving day as far as the weather. It started out with those nice little flurries that no one minds but are just a big lies, because worse weather is coming in but the weather people aren't going to tell you that. No, in fact they are going to give you an hour by hour on three different websites that tell you that it's going to stop snowing by five. Then seven-thirty comes around and you're driving through snow covered roads cursing the weather people. However, this makes for a beautifully perfect winter wonderland at the barn.

Hopefully I will have those bird pictures ready to post tomorrow. Right now I have to go be distracted by shiny things, and contemplate the irony of how this blog will turn more Christmas-y as soon as Christmas has passed and I can post pictures of the things I made on here and talk about them endlessly.

Why Can't Life Resemble Shawn Spencer's Brain?

Guys, I am totally going to need a Grinch suit here soon. I love Christmas. In fact, you all know I'm Christmas crazy, but I am not feeling Christmasy right now. And, as far as I'm concerned, anyone who complains around Christmas is just a Grinch. Okay, where's my suit?

Remington Alvalina Sylvester died today. Remington Alvalina Sylvester, Remy for short, is my sewing machine. It felt a lot like the end of the world because I still had two more presents to sew for Christmas. If it wasn't bad enough that I was this far behind in the first place, now I'm stuck with fabric I've already bought. I was able to sew one thing today on a little machine I have, but since it doesn't get in corners I had to do a lot of hand sewing. I figure hand sewing came about at the same time, and completely because of Lucifer's fall from Heaven. That's how much I hate it.

Aunt Bev has graciously allowed me to come use her machine to finish the last project, which is going to give away some surprises, but I don't know if I have a choice. I'm unsure if my machine will sew the material I'm using, and even if it does, things take twice as long with that machine because it is a little, cheap one intended only for mending. If I can get it done on the machine I will, because I still want Aunt Bev to be surprised on Christmas.

And the irony in all of this is that I took an hour and a half last night to oil the sewing machine, clean it, and make sure it was spiffed up. It worked fine after I did that last night, and then today I plugged it in, the light came on, so I knew it had power, but when I pushed the presser foot there was the big nothing. I think the motor might have gone, but since the machine is from the fifties, I also fear I won't be able to get it repaired. I am sad because I love Remy, and yes, for the third day in a row I am anthropomorphizing an inanimate object. But Remy is all metal, no plastic, and a true quality piece. I ask the sewing queens to please let her be okay. I don't want to have a sewing machine funeral this close to Christmas.

If that wasn't enough fun, the dryer just gave up, too. Then it worked again for seemingly no reason, but it smelled funny. Tomorrow, my mom is going to tear it apart and clean it to see if that helps. If that goes anything like it did with Remy, it will work the rest of the day tomorrow post the cleaning, but the following day it will just die for no reason.

Also, I placed four separate orders from Amazon. I got three. The other one was sent out last week, and it's been an hour from here in a postal facility for four days, with no activity. I've ordered stuff plenty of times off of Amazon before, and it always goes through that facility and has always left the facility within twelve hours of being checked in. I'm starting to get concerned, especially after looking into it and finding other people complaining about the same facility, often with the outcome becoming that the postal service lost their package after it went into the facility. Somehow I think "losing packages" is another term for "some lovely employee stole it." I'm trying not to get anxious too soon, but when this is abnormal and it's already paid for, it's definitely happening. When I put the tracking number into USPS.com, it's also claiming it's aware of the package, but has no information on it. It's Amazon and FedEx Smartpost that's telling me it's in the postal facility. This all seems fishy.

I am with the lady who wrote the original note; the receiver of this passive aggressive note. Uncle Paul is a tool. I don't think anyone really likes, respects, or relies on the USPS because they want to. Basically, they're forced to. Aunt Bev used to be a mail carrier, but she actually did her job correctly. She took the time to finish her route last to make sure everything was kosher. I think most of you agree that this is not normal. Our mail people are a very special breed. Just a few examples.

* One time I had a package coming to me. The tracking number told me it was sitting at my post office, and when I didn't receive it that day, nor the next, nor did it say it ever went out for delivery, I went to the post office. The postmaster helped me, which is clearly the scarier part of this story. I could see my package sitting not ten feet from the counter, face up with my name on it. I said something to the postmaster and she kept telling me it wasn't my package. I gave her my name, address, ID, everything, and she still told me it wasn't my package. I left and figured I'd come back another day and get the lady who normally works there. Clearly, I should have committed assault and flew across that counter, beat her up and took my package, because the dimwit sent it back between the day I was there and the next day.

I called and talked to someone at the company it was coming from to alert them what happened. They called me a few days later to confirm this and sent it back out. They didn't even charge me shipping again, although it wasn't their fault. Again, the package came in and sat at the post office. When I went over this time, the other girl was there and handed me the package. The postmaster overheard this and came over and started throwing a fit about the whole thing. I told her straight out that my package had been sent back. The tracking information gave them proof, also, the company it was coming from confirmed it had been sent back from out post office. She vehemently refused any wrongdoing. Any time I go over there I avoid her because I don't trust I won't get whatever I'm mailing out sent back to my house.

* The other day we were awaiting a package that was out for delivery. We happened to catch the mail person down at our mailbox, outside of her car, standing in front of our mailbox. We immediately had to watch her because we couldn't figure out what she was doing, plus she was a substitute, as we didn't recognize her. She had a package that was too big to fit properly in the mailbox. The lady stood down there for three minutes until she shoved it in there. It would have been quicker and easier to bring it to the door by that time. Also, there were breakable things in there. Luckily, everything was fine, but this could have ended badly.

* Our mail people have broken at least three of our mailboxes that I can remember, but I think it may be more. I know we've at least bought three because of them since we've been here. We just refuse to replace this one. It doesn't have a properly working flag. They pulled the door off. We don't care anymore.

* We can't mail anything out of our mailbox, even when we did have the flag. They either never took it, or it never got to where it was going. I'm slightly confused about why we have a mailbox and pay our postal workers.

* There's been several times they've half ass put stuff in our box and it's ended up all over the place. Not just our mail, the neighbor's too. And this is when we had a lid. The lid was shut. Yep, we're confused about how the mail ended up all over the place, too.

* We often get other people's mail. Often. We wonder about what mail we never get because people just see the wrong name and address and throw it away.

* I ordered samples and I get confirmations when they are sent. I haven't gotten several. Knowing our mail people, I think I have a good idea where they went.

But this still doesn't beat the one random UPS guys. Aside from the guy who came here one time, opened the porch door, and tossed the package of breakable things across the porch instead of coming onto it, while I saw him do it from the other side of the windows, we've had no problems with UPS at all. In fact, even that time, thank God, the package is in one piece. It's a Christmas present so no one's tried it yet, but here's to hoping it actually works.

There was this one time, however, that I was getting ready to leave for work. I saw a UPS man pull up into our driveway. I knew I hadn't ordered anything from UPS, so I didn't know what was going on. Then, he never came to the house. I didn't even see him get out of the truck from the angle he was parked at. All it looked like was that he had parked in our driveway. This was some years years ago and I looked to be about fourteen or fifteen, so I wasn't real comfortable going down there without knowing what was going on. Maybe that's stupid, but there was no one else home and the neighbors weren't home. The whole thing was just weird.

Several minutes later he left, and it was now time for me to leave for work. I went down to the garage to find eight boxes piled up against the garage door, spanning the entire way across the garage door. These were huge boxes, you guys. I walked over to them and none of them were ours. None of them even belonged on a road near us. I have no idea what the hell this guy was doing, and furthermore, who piles up boxes against someone's garage door? How stupid do you have to be to think that's a good idea?

At this point, I had to get to work, so I figured I would move them, call my mom and tell her the situation real quick, and then go to work and let her deal with it, or deal with it later. Only, when I went to move the boxes, I couldn't. I looked at the weight and they were all eighty pounds or more. There was no way I was going to move them myself, especially when they were as large as they were. I had to call my boss and explain the story, and tell her I'd be late for work. I still wonder if she ever believed my reason.

I went inside and called UPS. They told me someone would be by to get the stuff around 8PM. I explained to them how that just wasn't good enough. Their driver had made a misjudgment by putting boxes in front of someone's garage door. Again, who does that? And what if it would have rained hard? It was already sprinkling. Also, he was nowhere near the correct road. They told me there was nothing they could do. On the boxes was the phone number of the person who had ordered the merchandise inside of the boxes, so I called them. They were nice and felt really bad that I was blocked in. In the meantime, my mom came home from work, so I took her car and went to work. I was later informed that the stuff in those boxes was camping equipment, thus why it was so heavy. The person did come and load it themselves. I don't know that I ever bothered to call UPS to let them know.

Most of these stories are funny now. Most of them.

On a more cheery note, yet confusing since this has nothing to do with Christmas, there was a Psych marathon on today. You can't be properly cranky during a Psych marathon, so I left it on all day. I don't want to be a whiny Grinch.

And in case you wanted to know, apparently this song was number one on my birthday. It reminds me of what would have happened to Carry On Wayward Son if it met the 80's. Thank God it didn't.

"His Hair Is Stupid."

Just a short post for the night. My sewing machine is acting a little a funny. The machine is over fifty years old and it needs a tune up, so that's to be expected, but I have two more things to finish for Christmas before I can get it tuned up. If I take it to be done now, it probably won't be back until after Christmas. If worst comes to worst, I have a little, cranky machine that I could use. It's slow and doesn't like heavy fabrics, but it will git-r-done. I'm sorry for that, you guys. And yes, I totally anthropomorphized the machine. It is definitely cranky.

I have one story and one quirky antidote to share for the day. My poor little car that, as you all may know, hasn't worked correctly in almost a year, finally got to go to the shop where it will sit until the mechanic and his son can finally figure out what's going on with it. Immediately you all know this is going to go wrong somewhere.

This morning, my car wouldn't start. Yeah, I know. I thought it was hysterical. I was the only one. My mom's car was also going to the mechanic's for an oil change, which is only a mile or so down the road, so we took her car over and came back with the mechanic's son so he could try to get my car started to at least get it there. It was then that I learned something very important.

I have the same effect on the mechanic's son as I do on my friend, Becky's, brother.

Let me explain. Every since I've known Becky's brother, he has either hidden from me as soon as I got there, or, if he was forced to be with the two of us (God help him), he wouldn't say a word. The mechanic's son didn't say anything either. I thought he was shy. My mom said as soon as I was gone he talked, talked, talked. I most be poison, but making people uncomfortable without trying is kind of funny to me, so I'm sadly and wrongly okay with this.

Now for the antidote. My mom anthropomorphized something all by herself today. She said that Zak, from Ghost Adventure's, hair was stupid. His hair is stupid. No arguing with logic. And guys, if you start to think it's not so bad, just remember that he's 33. It puts everything in perspective. There's totally a reason that The Soup refers to him as "the ghost douche."

My Mom Lost Katy Perry

I know what I’m getting for Christmas. That’s okay, though, because I have the Santa hookup. But for those of you who refuse to believe in magic, every year everyone always asks me what I want and I always say that I don’t know. Everyone being my mom and Aunt Bev. This year I had no money to pick up any CDs when they come out like I usually do, so I made a list through the year and handed it out to them. I even did price matching for them, but a month later when the time came to get the gifts, I had to price match again, and this is where my mom needed my help, hence knowing my presents.

One day we were price matching on Amazon while in Target via my Blackberry, and we realized that Katy Perry was several dollars cheaper at Target. My mom decided to pick up Katy, while I picked up The Band Perry with left over birthday money from Aunt Bev. I’m not really sure where things went wrong, but I’m thinking it was here when two CDs were bought with the name Perry in them, so my mom thought there was really only one CD, or there were two and I bought and took both.

Yesterday, my mom and I were talking about what she got me for Christmas. She couldn’t totally remember, but I could. Ironic and a little funny, I know. While citing things, I happened to say Katy Perry. My mom got a funny look on her face and told me that was my birthday gift. I told her it wasn’t and that we didn’t even buy it until way after my birthday. Taylor Swift was my birthday present. She then got an even worse look on her face and told me she better find Katy, then. She thinks she may have wrapped Katy. Poor Katy.

Aside from feeling bad for the idea of Katy Perry being lost and possibly wrapped, I also learned that there is never a bad time to pull out the word wisenheimer and use it. I used it on my furniture today when it wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do. Anthropomorphizing inanimate objects is what I do best.

Speaking of furniture, I put my furniture up on Craigslist, as it just doesn’t, and never has, all fit in my bedroom. It fit at the old house when we bought it, but not here. Prepare for ridiculous stories abound. I know I am. When I was taking the pictures I removed everything from the furniture. My reasoning was because people will start making bids on anything in the picture. Some people don’t believe this, but for those who have previously used Craigslist, we know better.

I also ventured to the vet's today with our dog. If I’ve never told you about our vet, he is a Pete Wentz clone, which is half the reason I find myself having to go every time my mom goes. It just amuses me. He talks like Pete; same voice, same way of speaking, and looks exactly like him, only a little taller and he has light brown hair. He’s not the vet I worked for, but the one my mom takes the animals to. That wasn’t where I was going with this, though.

The place where we go is way up in the PA mountains, and it’s gorgeous up there. It’s just hard to make appointments in the winter because they get much more snow than we do and we never know how the roads are going to be. We always have to call ahead. Sometimes they tell us not to even bother; we’ll never get down their road. Others are fine. They’re pretty honest.

Another thing they’re awesome about is putting bird feeders right outside of the windows to amuse the humans. They get all kinds of birds. Today alone I think we saw about ten different kinds at one time. They’re just everywhere. I took a bunch of pictures of them today, but most of them are crappy as they were taken by my Blackberry. When I get a chance, I’ll sort through the good ones and post them on here. For now I’m going to try to avoid Craigslist crazies and work on Christmas things.

About to Get Beat Up By "Gleeks" and The Needle Apocalypse

I have a very anti-climatic story about coffee. Christmas coffee. And because it is specifically about Christmas coffee, its non-climatic nature is null and void.

Last week, while in Target, I spotted Starbucks Christmas Blend coffee. I was so there, only I didn't have the money to get it. No worries, I'd be getting my money in a few days and I'd come back for it. So I did, only at a different Target, since I sit right smack dab in between two. That Target did not have any of the coffee. I'm going to be dramatic for blogging purposes and say that I was absolutely crushed and astounded by this. I may have even cried a little, you know...for blogging purposes.

No worries, my hopes and dreams could still come true. I would simply go to the other Target, where I was previously at and they had tons, and I'd get it there. A few days went by. I didn't have the chance to get to that Target. My mom was heading that way. You can see where this is going. This should be the happily ever after, only she couldn't find anything but the decaf, so she didn't get it. Again, I became completely over dramatic for blogging purposes only. I also told her I would have been okay with decaf.

She was going by there again yesterday, and by some act of the Christmas Angels from Heaven above, there was still some decaf left and she bought it and brought it home, and now I am in complete coffee bliss. I never had the Christmas Blend before, but I knew I had to try it. It just sounded like I would be drinking Christmas, which should, for all intents and purposes, make my insides light up like a Christmas tree. If my insides were lit up, that meant they were happy, right? Just go with me on this.

Here is my recipe for a fabulous cup of coffee, on top of a fabulous blend. Buy this. I'm sure you can buy this version, which is simply the regular version, but my mom picked the first one up from the Starbucks in Target, even though the receipt was from Target and not Starbucks, where they took the bag, opened it, and ground the beans down to grainy form in front of her, so it may be a little more fresh. I don't know how all of that works. Use a teaspoon and a half per two cups of coffee if you like your coffee strong, but not so much that it gags you. Add a half of a teaspoon of sugar, then a dash of cinnamon. Do yourself a favor and buy some of this. It isn't too chocolaty, but it gives your already pre-spiced, merry coffee a little kick. Add about a teaspoon and a half of this. Top off with some good old whipped cream. I promise, you can still taste the coffee strongly and prominently, but all of these things just make this the happiest cup of coffee on earth. If that coffee turned into an amusement park, it would trump Disney. Sorry, Disney.

And while you're drinking that coffee, you could really get into the Christmas mood and start ruthlessly sewing Christmas presents left and right. If you're like me, you'll quickly realize that you're having issues finding things, because almost a year ago you inherited a sewing machine from your grandmother. If you're me, you'd also decide that now was the time to merge her stuff with your own so that you weren't constantly going through the stuff separately to find out if either one of you owned something you were looking for; you could just go through it together now.

I should have known this was going to be the worst, best idea ever when I decided to do it. I also should have known it would take me no less than four hours. It wasn't my stuff that was a mess, it was hers. The highlight, however, was realizing I inherited over three hundred needles from her. Don't adjust your eyes. After I saw the stack of needles neatly packed inside those little paper packages you used to get for free back in the day, I figured as I took them out and condensed them from over twenty of those to one itty bitty canister to save room, I should start counting. I have no idea what kind of apocalypse she thought she'd need all those needles for that she was saving them, or what the proper sentiment here would be, but uh...I have needles. If anyone ever breaks in, I may not have any good weapons, but I have needles. Don't even get me started on the number of pins she left me.

When I finally escaped needle hell, I was flipping through the channels looking for something to watch. I came across Glee. You guys, I know Glee is major and there's even people affectionately called "Gleeks," but there's always been something on opposite of the show, so I never saw anything but the pilot episode. I know this is hard to believe considering I am a singer, and Jane Lynch is by far my favorite actress. I'm a little pissed at Glee for taking her away and not allowing her to continue to guest star as Spencer Reid's mom on Criminal Minds, where she played a schizophrenic and was amazing at it. But there was nothing on, so I digress.

This is going to sound much dumber when you read it than it sounded in my head, but I did not realize Glee was a musical. Yes, I know, I know. I realized there was an abundance of singing, but I was foolishly mistaken that the show was a real, normal show about the Glee Club and other romances, that led up to a musical they put on at the end of the show, and only at the end of the show. I actually thought I'd like Glee more, but I have a few bones to pick here.

The cast is talented, no doubt, but I think some of the more talented people are not getting the spotlight and I was disappointed. There are also some sequences that are so spot on and amazing, such as this one. That version contains Britney and Madonna singing. Here is the one with the Glee girls singing, minus the video, because I couldn't find it. It was so dead on with the video, and that little blonde can sing. I much prefer the tone of her voice of Lea Michelle's, which is no offense to Lea; she's amazing, but I'm not a huge fan of her tone. That's nothing she can really help, though. I'm sure plenty of people hate my tone, too.

But it seemed like they either hit their stride with a musical scene, or completely missed the mark. The scenes were either really, really incredibly well thought out and bang on, or they were really cheesy and stupid. There didn't seem to be an in between. Sometimes the show became so full of cheese lint that I had to change the channel until the sequence was over. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because of my lack of love for musicals, but I must ask, am I the only one that feels this way?

I also ask that no Gleeks kill me. Thank you.