I have to admit, I think I unintentionally lied about making this blog about the spirit of the season and a little less about Christmas. It's just that I go so Christmas crazy that it's bound to rub off on my blog until I just want to hug it. I'm sorry to everyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas. I swear I'm not trying to be a partial jerk. I just really like Christmas. I'm sorry. Christmas comes in and gives me snowflakes and reindeer hugs, and I can't help myself.
For years, my big Christmas morning dream has always been to spend to have Christmas with a large family. My joke has always been that I can't marry someone who doesn't have a large family. I can find the perfect guy with one living parent and no siblings, and instantly decide we just weren't meant to be. Of course, it's only a joke, but I am a little partial to having a large family. It's something I want for, but not something I need, so I try to keep things in perspective when looking for a guy. Oh, who am I kidding, I haven't looked for a guy in years.
One of the biggest things I think about, or fantasize about may be the better term, at this time of the year, is something that I can only pray I'm lucky enough to get to experience one day. Over the past two years, things have changed drastically for our family. We went from having my grandma spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with us, going home on the 26th, to my mom and my gram having a falling out and it just being the two of us. And now my gram is gone. Last year I started a tradition where I plan Christmas with games and crafts and a ton of fun things. I hand craft things, I plan things to a tee and makes tons and tons of cookies. I shop for food, I over think and I generally go crazy. But I love every minute of it. This year made me realize more than ever that I would be a great mom, but I can't have kids, and who knows if one day I will find myself in a position to adopt. Adoption is hard, it's expensive and it comes with some pretty tight strings.
So my dream is this; to find someone who means the world to me outside of my family, be it a good friend, or a boyfriend or a husband. I'm not picky. One Christmas I hope to be asked to spend it with their family staying at their house, my mom and Aunt Bev included but possibly staying in a hotel, depending on the circumstances. When Christmas morning rolls around, I get up at the crack of dawn and go downstairs. The only person up would be my friend / boyfriend or husband's mom. They are doing the early morning preparations for Christmas, the stuff that's special, the stuff that they don't want the kids or other family members to see. And because I'm up so early, I'm privy to getting in on this. I'm able to help. I'm able to make Christmas magic. But most of all, we're able to talk and talk and find some new Christmas magic between us; in family that isn't by blood, but by friendship or possibly more.
It's a big dream, I know, and I may never get to see it happen. I hope I do. With everything that's happened on Christmas, I never want to hate the holiday. I'd rather be Christmas crazy than a Scrooge. For those of you who hate Christmas because of something horrible that has happened, I get it, but the season isn't about the past, it's about embracing the spirit, not torturing yourself over fallen ghosts. My dad left on Christmas. He showed up in the morning, my mom asked him to take off his shoes, he yelled that he didn't need that crap, and he left. That was it. I never saw him again. As much as I am glad my dad is gone, I hate that it happened the way it did, but I have never hated Christmas because of it. It's not Christmas' fault. I still believe in what the season stands for, in giving, caring and loving others, even those you don't know. There's something special about the season and I vowed at just thirteen to never lose that; to let this be the one time of the year that I never grow up.
The more I think about it, maybe my dream and that spirit found me because of someone who, in their own way, fulfilled that dream for me years ago when it wasn't even close to Christmas time. When I was in middle school, I had a best friend named Jaynee. Her mom had her young and her mom was an amazing person, so was her dad and so were her brothers and sisters. I loved staying at her house. There was so much love there, and it's not that I didn't have love at my house, but I didn't have it in a large family like hers.
One morning, I arose extremely early for reasons I can't remember. When I went downstairs where the only person who was awake was her mom. It had to be just past five in the morning. Jaynee's dad had left for work, and her brothers and sisters were all staying at others' houses. She and I talked and talked for nearly three and a half hours before Jaynee got up. She turned on the TV and we watched MTV. We laughed and commented on the videos and made fun of people. She told me one of her favorite songs was Nelly's Hot In Herre (yes, it was that long ago), but she hated the video because the girls in it were sluts. She even sang along to it. I've never had a morning in my life that touched me more, or where I smiled that much, and from that I think I found the want to have more mornings just like them; because of her.
A few years back, she passed away at the age of 39. She had organ failure, something that came about not because of anything she had done, or the way she had treated her body. It just happened. She left behind five amazing kids, grieving parents, and a wonderful husband. She left behind a pregnant daughter who really needed her. But most of all, she left behind this legacy of memories that are all testaments to the kind of women she was. I hope from heaven somewhere that she knows how many people she touched, especially this girl, who was always grateful to have a second mom in her. And I hope from heaven she is happy, out of pain and in peace.
In the spirit of that, the time of giving and caring because it's in your heart but not because you feel you have to, I realized that this will be Aunt Bev's kitties' first Christmas. It's a big jump, I know. I also know they're cats and they don't know, but I do, so I wanted to do something corny and special, because really, I'm all about both of those things, but neither more than the other. Therefore, I decided to make them special little stockings to mark their first Christmas on this earth, because they're still new to the world. Because they were for kittens, they, of course, had to be corny and cheeky. I happen to excel in both of these things, so I thought I'd share my cheekily corny creations. Oh, and I couldn't forget pictures of the kittens that go with each stocking.
For years, my big Christmas morning dream has always been to spend to have Christmas with a large family. My joke has always been that I can't marry someone who doesn't have a large family. I can find the perfect guy with one living parent and no siblings, and instantly decide we just weren't meant to be. Of course, it's only a joke, but I am a little partial to having a large family. It's something I want for, but not something I need, so I try to keep things in perspective when looking for a guy. Oh, who am I kidding, I haven't looked for a guy in years.
One of the biggest things I think about, or fantasize about may be the better term, at this time of the year, is something that I can only pray I'm lucky enough to get to experience one day. Over the past two years, things have changed drastically for our family. We went from having my grandma spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with us, going home on the 26th, to my mom and my gram having a falling out and it just being the two of us. And now my gram is gone. Last year I started a tradition where I plan Christmas with games and crafts and a ton of fun things. I hand craft things, I plan things to a tee and makes tons and tons of cookies. I shop for food, I over think and I generally go crazy. But I love every minute of it. This year made me realize more than ever that I would be a great mom, but I can't have kids, and who knows if one day I will find myself in a position to adopt. Adoption is hard, it's expensive and it comes with some pretty tight strings.
So my dream is this; to find someone who means the world to me outside of my family, be it a good friend, or a boyfriend or a husband. I'm not picky. One Christmas I hope to be asked to spend it with their family staying at their house, my mom and Aunt Bev included but possibly staying in a hotel, depending on the circumstances. When Christmas morning rolls around, I get up at the crack of dawn and go downstairs. The only person up would be my friend / boyfriend or husband's mom. They are doing the early morning preparations for Christmas, the stuff that's special, the stuff that they don't want the kids or other family members to see. And because I'm up so early, I'm privy to getting in on this. I'm able to help. I'm able to make Christmas magic. But most of all, we're able to talk and talk and find some new Christmas magic between us; in family that isn't by blood, but by friendship or possibly more.
It's a big dream, I know, and I may never get to see it happen. I hope I do. With everything that's happened on Christmas, I never want to hate the holiday. I'd rather be Christmas crazy than a Scrooge. For those of you who hate Christmas because of something horrible that has happened, I get it, but the season isn't about the past, it's about embracing the spirit, not torturing yourself over fallen ghosts. My dad left on Christmas. He showed up in the morning, my mom asked him to take off his shoes, he yelled that he didn't need that crap, and he left. That was it. I never saw him again. As much as I am glad my dad is gone, I hate that it happened the way it did, but I have never hated Christmas because of it. It's not Christmas' fault. I still believe in what the season stands for, in giving, caring and loving others, even those you don't know. There's something special about the season and I vowed at just thirteen to never lose that; to let this be the one time of the year that I never grow up.
The more I think about it, maybe my dream and that spirit found me because of someone who, in their own way, fulfilled that dream for me years ago when it wasn't even close to Christmas time. When I was in middle school, I had a best friend named Jaynee. Her mom had her young and her mom was an amazing person, so was her dad and so were her brothers and sisters. I loved staying at her house. There was so much love there, and it's not that I didn't have love at my house, but I didn't have it in a large family like hers.
One morning, I arose extremely early for reasons I can't remember. When I went downstairs where the only person who was awake was her mom. It had to be just past five in the morning. Jaynee's dad had left for work, and her brothers and sisters were all staying at others' houses. She and I talked and talked for nearly three and a half hours before Jaynee got up. She turned on the TV and we watched MTV. We laughed and commented on the videos and made fun of people. She told me one of her favorite songs was Nelly's Hot In Herre (yes, it was that long ago), but she hated the video because the girls in it were sluts. She even sang along to it. I've never had a morning in my life that touched me more, or where I smiled that much, and from that I think I found the want to have more mornings just like them; because of her.
A few years back, she passed away at the age of 39. She had organ failure, something that came about not because of anything she had done, or the way she had treated her body. It just happened. She left behind five amazing kids, grieving parents, and a wonderful husband. She left behind a pregnant daughter who really needed her. But most of all, she left behind this legacy of memories that are all testaments to the kind of women she was. I hope from heaven somewhere that she knows how many people she touched, especially this girl, who was always grateful to have a second mom in her. And I hope from heaven she is happy, out of pain and in peace.
In the spirit of that, the time of giving and caring because it's in your heart but not because you feel you have to, I realized that this will be Aunt Bev's kitties' first Christmas. It's a big jump, I know. I also know they're cats and they don't know, but I do, so I wanted to do something corny and special, because really, I'm all about both of those things, but neither more than the other. Therefore, I decided to make them special little stockings to mark their first Christmas on this earth, because they're still new to the world. Because they were for kittens, they, of course, had to be corny and cheeky. I happen to excel in both of these things, so I thought I'd share my cheekily corny creations. Oh, and I couldn't forget pictures of the kittens that go with each stocking.
Never grow up, little kitties. Never grow up.
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1 comment:
The holidays can be hard, but it does give people a reason to smile, if that is understandable. The feeling of being all festive and family-friendly is such a great time and experience; I love it! So, talk about Christmas all you want; I love the changes you made to your blog :)
I am really sorry that you can't have kids; I didn't know, or maybe if you mentioned it before I never caught it. Things like this shouldn't happen to anyone, and especially not you. I am sure though, someday, you'll be able to adopt. You would make a great Mum! I myself have never had a huge family, but I know I want kids someday. Ideally I'd love twins, but two close together so they would have each other would be perfect; with my siblings, and since I am the eldest, there's a huge age gap that separates us, so it is difficult to relate to one another. Still, I know you will make a great Mum someday, and you will certainly find someone as awesome as you are describing!
I know what you mean about the Christmas season and not wanting to grow up throughout it. I think, in our hearts, we are all children when it comes to Christmas.
Those kittens are adorable!
PS. again, get well soon!
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