Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope yours was merry, you enjoyed your families, and got everything you wanted Santa to bring you. He's the man.
Today was epic. There's two kinds of epic, so let me clarify:
The kind of epic we had today was not this kind of epic. This kind of epic is right down my line of funny. I like off color things, and this cracked me up for about a half an hour. Plus, that concept being done by a country band makes it ten times better. It defines epic. (Side note: The guy she kidnaps was totally married to Fran Drescher in some show about fifty billion years ago. Don't ask me what color socks I wore today, but that I remember.)
The kind of epic we had was this kind of epic. It's the kind of epic when you know it's bad, but it's so stupidly bad that it's hysterical and you can't stop laughing, even though it's not actually funny. It's a little sad. (Side note: My friend and I assume he knows he's this bad, because yes, we have nothing better to do than talk about but stupid shit like this. Save us. However, he is the one who openly posted these. We think he did it knowing he was bad and was trying to be funny, but you never can tell with his sense of humor. If they weren't meant to be funny, we find them funny and sad and refuse to apologize.)
It was the day that we lost every and anything we could possibly lose while it was right in front of our faces all the while. Yep, totally the bad, but really hysterical kind of funny. Just a few notes about all the things we lost. Keep in mind that I can't remember most of them, so yes, it was worse than I'm conveying.
* The winner of the bunch is that my mom did not lose Katy Perry. Instead, she lost Selena Gomez, Automatic Loveletter and Jessica Harp. I think I mentioned before that I ordered the presents I wanted off of Amazon and my mom paid for them. Some say this is cheating. I am one of those people. Irregardless, I opened my presents only to find there were no more and I was missing three. My mom and I spent a ton of time looking for them, wondering where she put them, and she panicked while I thought it was funny. Do you all want to know where those presents were? They were in my stocking. The whole time. They never moved. *Sigh*
* I brought out the bags of the animals' wrapped presents and sat them down. When I got to the bottom of the cat bag I realized I was missing a present. I panicked, thinking one of the dogs had gotten into it, took it, ate it and all its little inedible insides, and someone was going to die. Nope, I just wrapped two things together.
* Aunt Bev handed out our presents and thought she forgot one of my mom's. There's was some panic, some "oh poop," and then she realized she wrapped two of my mom's together. There's no way we're not blood related.
Like I said, there was totally more things we lost, because every time we turned around we were looking for something, but that's all I can remember. Short time memory is on my side tonight. And, for the record, the only thing we didn't lose was food. We never lose food.
After all the presents were opened, I decided it was time to wrap the animals. I took this task literally and seriously. These pictures are totally in reverse order of what happened, but we're going to pretend their not so that I can tell a fictional story. It's not actually fictional, it just didn't happen in this order. Is anyone else confused by me?
Helena was a wrapping "no want." Instead, she thought the bow would be yummy in her tummy. I took it from her before we were at the emergency vets on Christmas, trying to explain to them why we were dumb asses. There's no explanation for that.
Stitch was a little more interested in the ribbon. He didn't want to eat it, he just wanted to attack-smell it.
It took him precisely four seconds to realize I was a moron and give me "the look." Touche.
I moved on to play. He tolerated it...
for about as long as Stitch did, and then I got this, which is a modified version of "the look." Stitch helped from behind.
Lila was a ton better about things. I got the look, but she let me put the bow on her head.
That was all I was asking, really.
Pie was completely tolerant of this. She thought she was a pretty, pretty princess. Which is rare considering she usually wants to tear your head off. Our nickname for her when she was a kitten was "Satan's Spawn." No kidding.
And yes, Aunt Bev, I totally cropped out the button hole in your shirt so you didn't look like a whore. I think that was the term you used. But I still talked about. Oops.
Last we had Leo, who actually went first after I realized Helena was not going to take it. He was the exact opposite. He didn't give a flying unicorn fart that he had a ribbon on his head. After several minutes of laughter I was finally able to contain myself enough to get some pictures. There's several, you know, just in case the first angle wasn't funny enough.
And did I mention he's a ninety five pound rotty? That's null and void, though, because he is a cry baby sis pants of which I've nicknamed Zak Junior, after Zak Bagans. I don't know if anyone would understand why I did that if I tried to explain it, so I think I'll pass on trying.
Today was epic. There's two kinds of epic, so let me clarify:
The kind of epic we had today was not this kind of epic. This kind of epic is right down my line of funny. I like off color things, and this cracked me up for about a half an hour. Plus, that concept being done by a country band makes it ten times better. It defines epic. (Side note: The guy she kidnaps was totally married to Fran Drescher in some show about fifty billion years ago. Don't ask me what color socks I wore today, but that I remember.)
The kind of epic we had was this kind of epic. It's the kind of epic when you know it's bad, but it's so stupidly bad that it's hysterical and you can't stop laughing, even though it's not actually funny. It's a little sad. (Side note: My friend and I assume he knows he's this bad, because yes, we have nothing better to do than talk about but stupid shit like this. Save us. However, he is the one who openly posted these. We think he did it knowing he was bad and was trying to be funny, but you never can tell with his sense of humor. If they weren't meant to be funny, we find them funny and sad and refuse to apologize.)
It was the day that we lost every and anything we could possibly lose while it was right in front of our faces all the while. Yep, totally the bad, but really hysterical kind of funny. Just a few notes about all the things we lost. Keep in mind that I can't remember most of them, so yes, it was worse than I'm conveying.
* The winner of the bunch is that my mom did not lose Katy Perry. Instead, she lost Selena Gomez, Automatic Loveletter and Jessica Harp. I think I mentioned before that I ordered the presents I wanted off of Amazon and my mom paid for them. Some say this is cheating. I am one of those people. Irregardless, I opened my presents only to find there were no more and I was missing three. My mom and I spent a ton of time looking for them, wondering where she put them, and she panicked while I thought it was funny. Do you all want to know where those presents were? They were in my stocking. The whole time. They never moved. *Sigh*
* I brought out the bags of the animals' wrapped presents and sat them down. When I got to the bottom of the cat bag I realized I was missing a present. I panicked, thinking one of the dogs had gotten into it, took it, ate it and all its little inedible insides, and someone was going to die. Nope, I just wrapped two things together.
* Aunt Bev handed out our presents and thought she forgot one of my mom's. There's was some panic, some "oh poop," and then she realized she wrapped two of my mom's together. There's no way we're not blood related.
Like I said, there was totally more things we lost, because every time we turned around we were looking for something, but that's all I can remember. Short time memory is on my side tonight. And, for the record, the only thing we didn't lose was food. We never lose food.
After all the presents were opened, I decided it was time to wrap the animals. I took this task literally and seriously. These pictures are totally in reverse order of what happened, but we're going to pretend their not so that I can tell a fictional story. It's not actually fictional, it just didn't happen in this order. Is anyone else confused by me?
Helena was a wrapping "no want." Instead, she thought the bow would be yummy in her tummy. I took it from her before we were at the emergency vets on Christmas, trying to explain to them why we were dumb asses. There's no explanation for that.
Stitch was a little more interested in the ribbon. He didn't want to eat it, he just wanted to attack-smell it.
It took him precisely four seconds to realize I was a moron and give me "the look." Touche.
I moved on to play. He tolerated it...
for about as long as Stitch did, and then I got this, which is a modified version of "the look." Stitch helped from behind.
Lila was a ton better about things. I got the look, but she let me put the bow on her head.
That was all I was asking, really.
Pie was completely tolerant of this. She thought she was a pretty, pretty princess. Which is rare considering she usually wants to tear your head off. Our nickname for her when she was a kitten was "Satan's Spawn." No kidding.
And yes, Aunt Bev, I totally cropped out the button hole in your shirt so you didn't look like a whore. I think that was the term you used. But I still talked about. Oops.Last we had Leo, who actually went first after I realized Helena was not going to take it. He was the exact opposite. He didn't give a flying unicorn fart that he had a ribbon on his head. After several minutes of laughter I was finally able to contain myself enough to get some pictures. There's several, you know, just in case the first angle wasn't funny enough.
And did I mention he's a ninety five pound rotty? That's null and void, though, because he is a cry baby sis pants of which I've nicknamed Zak Junior, after Zak Bagans. I don't know if anyone would understand why I did that if I tried to explain it, so I think I'll pass on trying.
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