Reinvent the Uninvented Cuteitude

Hey you? Yes....by you, I mean me, but I'm trying to tell myself off. I'm not doing that great of a job of this, am I?

Why are you so slow at updating? Lazy! Is that better?

In my defense, I'm not really lazy, but I have been busy. I haven't had a chance to hop on and update, and quite frankly, I thought it had been longer since I attempted an update, at least a week. I went back through my last post and it was Saturday night when I posted my last blog, so I have five days to cover, instead of seven. I know I won't get this whole blog done and proofread tonight. I don't have that kind of stamina, am not sure if I want to be on the computer for that long, and if I am, I have a ton of work to do on my novel. That being said, I want to notate that I'm starting this on Thursday the 26th, which is the date it will post under, and there's a large possibility that I won't get this done tomorrow either as I have two tests I have to have done at the hospital.

I'm always at the doctors office, and I'm going through so much right now. I feel half human, not whole, and I can't get even a quarter of the stuff I want to get done, actually finished. It's frustrating, annoying, and maddening. I want to complain about it all the time, but in the same way, what gives me the right to complain? There are people who have problems that are worse than mine, people who are struggling just like me, and worse. I am not on some kind of high horse. I have no right to complain, to act like my life is the worst thing going, because it is not. How dare me, honestly. There's people with real problems, and although mine are very real, I will get through them. I am lucky.

Besides that, I've been finding out lots of incredible things about myself and other people, and then life in general. When you're forced to be in a place that you never saw yourself in and that wasn't part of your plan, you have to reinvent everything. You sit back and watch the world go by because you have no other choice, but you learn so much.

This if life, unpredictable, uninvented, and it truly is what you make it. People are never what you expect them to be, they're never going to be, and when you sit back and watch everyone, really listen to their stories, you really get a feel for the kind of people you want to be part of, who you want as part of your life, and the kind of people that are toxic to you. In doing that, you learn more about yourself than most people have a chance to, because you have time to think, learn, and analyze without running through the daily bump and grind until you wind up in a place where you have no idea how you got where you are.

I'm aware of what I'm going through, aware of how I've gotten to where I am, and looking forward to reinventing my life to suit me once I get through this. I wasn't happy about where my life was going or the way it was going. I felt stuck and unhappy because I didn't have the time to sit down and realize what I wanted. I was just surviving and that's not a life, it's an existence. I wanted to have a happy life, to make myself happy. Now I have time to find my path, to figure it all out, and to simply start over, because I've lost everything from being ill, but I get to rebuild. I am lucky. I can be whomever and whatever I want to be, as long as I always stay true to myself. I have a whole world just waiting out there for me to come and take it once I can, and I'm learning so much about myself that it's horrible to think that I'm the unfortunate one in this situation. I am not.

There's people that go through their lives jaded, never understanding or comprehending what they're seeing and reading, the beauty and what things really mean. They take everything at face value, when it's not to be taken that way. They are naive, and rely on others in their life. They can't be alone, struggle alone, or stand their ground. I can. I am sick of people who have to have someone, who can't let go of the past, try to baby me, tell me how sorry they are for me, or act like every little thing I do is cute. Give me a break. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm not that cute, and I'm not a baby. It makes me realize how toxic these people are, and also makes me see that most of them, not all, are leeches, wanting me to need them, to stick to them and suck onto them like nobodies business so they're not alone. No, not doing it. I don't need anyone.

Would I like someone special to share my life with? Yes, I would, but not if they are going to play head games, treat me like shit, abuse me, or try to make me feel inferior. Do I sometimes need someone because I am sick to help me out? Yes, and that's a very physical thing. Emotionally, I would love to have some support, but I know that I don't and that I can handle this. It's not easy, but it's not meant to be. I'm okay. Don't feel sorry for me.

I'm beginning to really find an intolerance for certain kinds of people. I've learned to give everything a chance, not matter what it is. You can't go into something, half do it, and then walk away because you don't like it. It's like reading part of a book and giving up. You can't read one hundred pages and say you're done. One of the best books I read sucked most of the way through until the very end, then it blew me right the heck away. This book is Invisible Monsters by Chuck Paluhniuk, in case you want to check it out. Also, what actually made me read this book, as embarrassing as this may be to admit, is the fact that the Panic at the Disco song, Time to Dance, is based on the book, so I wanted to see what it was really all about. Great song, really different.

Life is so much of the same. People are just afraid, or don't want to be cultured, and I think it's ridiculous. You will never know until you jump in and really give something a chance, and I don't have time for people whose own fears consume them so much that they're too afraid to try things out. I need open, willing people in my life, because you hold the company that those who you are around attract also. It's the whole story put together that makes a book or a life, not just one or two events. Wouldn't you rather make the most out of your life than base it on one or two things that happened to you? Wouldn't you rather know you tried than half ass it. Full ass it.

I know that I may be a fuddy duddy, or old for my age when it comes to a lot of things. I find that I'm so much more intrigued by the over thirty crowd, and even those in their senior years, than people my age. People my age piss me off and annoy me with their ignorance and their immaturity and I can't stand it. I don't know if this is normal or not, but it's what I find for the most part, but not particularly for all people.

The one thing I know I have issues with, and even though I know this, everyone loves to point this out to me, is not knowing how to be in a relationship or be myself with someone else on such an intimate level. I've never been in a real one for several reasons. The big one is the fact that I've been sick for ten years, really sick. I don't want to throw that on anyone else, and those who decided they could handle it on their own words, could not. It's a lot for anyone to take and it's not worth pursuing. So yes, I don't know how to be in a relationship, but if I've never been in one, how am I supposed to? It's about experience, and I'd rather be under experienced and waiting for the right person, than sleeping with every guy that comes along for fun.

I've brought this one person up several times, and because of recent events that they're trying to make my problem, I feel the need to again. You are only as good as the company you keep, and if you're keeping company of girls who sleep around with everyone possible and date guys who emotionally abuse them, then their friends and the people they attract assume you're the same way. I'm not that way though, and no matter how nice the person, they are still disrespecting themselves and putting themselves in horrible positions. I don't want that or need that. I don't sleep around, I don't want to, and I don't put up with guys for years on end who I know are bad for me, or who kick me around, and then complain to others about it when I keep running back to them. I don't want that in my life...at all. I don't want to attract people who don't want to treat me right, or like me because they want to sleep with me. I want people who are going to respect me and want to keep my company because they can enjoy spending time with me, not because they want something from me. I have been too nice before, put up with it before, and continually got hurt and I'm not willing to do it again, not for anyone.

And now that it's Sunday, I think I missed something, but I don't understand why everyone picks on Khloe Kardashian (yes, Kim's sister) and her body. Amazon woman? Really? She's tall, she's not a supermodel, but she's absolutely gorgeous. Jealous much?

I've decided that I haven't updated in a week, therefore I'm not going to do this blog like a normal blog or I'll be here for another week (and I have been even though). No really, I will. I'm going to pinpoint little things in my day, if there was anything interesting and move on. I have stories I want to tell at the end of this, but we'll see if I remember them. (I did not, so they're going in the next blog.) I will do a day by day and then add a song for the day along with it. Yes, I'm screwing up my own system. These entries aren't going to flow so well, but just pinpoint fun little places in my day, since all I have is a half assed memory and my Twitter. Now, without further ado.

Sunday the 22nd:
I decided in the wee hours beginning the day that I was ready to sing Christmas songs loudly to anyone who messed with me. I'm unsure of how that's valid, as I do that pretty much everyday. No seriously, I do that on a daily basis. Hey, it gets people to go away, which really is all that matters.

If we all remember from the last blog, I am a dumb ass and went out specifically to fill my prescription, and then forgot it, which wins me some kind of idiot points. I went back to Wallies today and actually remembered my prescription. We also went through self check-out and were able to get all the Ensures that we wanted while also using the coupons. Other than that, it was a specifically dull day at Wallies, no crazies to report. That's something special.

After we got home we decided to worm the cats. Listen people, we have twelve cats. We live in an area where people drop off cats in the empty land next to us in the middle of the winter as little kittens, so of course they find their way to our house and we adopt them. Some of them live in the house and some of them refuse to, so we fixed up a room in the back of the house that was once a porch, put in a cat door, loaded it with food and toys, and called it a day. We do however keep up with their shots (this will come in handy later in this blog), spay and neuter them, and make sure they have all the care they need. Even if the don't want to live in here, we still don't want anything to happen to them. They are also always welcome inside if they want to come in.

This being said, we decided that we were going to worm them ourselves today because it was cheaper and we were able to do it. We are also stupid. Most of the cats we were able to catch, but by the end of it we realized that catching cats from beneath my mom's bed where she keeps three different storage boxes, is much like playing a really complicated game of under-the-bed Tetris. We had to finagle the boxes just right so that we could force the cats out from beneath the bed and be prepared to catch them. It was so hands on, which makes me think there should be a human involved version of real life Tetris. That could be dangerous. What is also guaranteed to be dangerous is that we must re-worm the cats on the 5th. Hopefully it's much less exciting this time.

Later in the night, I went to use my soap dispenser for the first time since cleaning my bathroom earlier and switching it out from my winter snowman to my happy summer one with butterflies and fireflies. Apparently, the soap I had in said dispenser should not have been in said dispenser over the winter, as it completely broke down and turned basically into pink, runny water. I have never had soap do that before. It's always held. My soap turned into a nope.

While watching the news later, this guys' name was Buttco. I kid you not. I can not remember what he was accused of doing, but I believe it had to do with politics, which really only makes it ten times better. All my mom had to say was "with a name like Buttco...no wonder (he's in trouble)..." Good point.

We also watched a rip-roaring episode of House Hunters, and the lady said she would give up square footage for "cuteitude." I've never heard that word before, but I personally think it should sweep the nation.

While later watching CSI on my computer, I realized how much some of them make me ball like a baby until I have to take off my headphones and drag my white girl booty over to get tissues. The one that made me cry tonight was Goodbye and Good Luck, which is the one where Sarah Sidle (Jorja Fox) left the show. The way she left with only a note going to Grissom was just heartbreaking. It's such a broken love story.

Song of the day: Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch, off of her second album The Spirit Room. It took me a little bit of digging to find this music video, but I did. This song is in honor of that episode of CSI since I figured it fit and entertwined with it so beautifully. Someone should have alerted them to play this song during the ending scene.

Monday the 23rd:
I didn't really do too much today. I was exhausted from the endless hours of hands and knees floor cleaning in my bathroom, scrubbing out the tub, and kicking the ass of my arch nemesis, soap scum. No really, it is my nemesis. I really hate the stuff, and have OCD, so as you can imagine, I spend way too much time in there swearing amd hurting myself trying to clean it. In other, good news, I do have seriously awesome quotes from random shows.

Gilmore Girls: Rory calls her mother Lorelai, and they've been missing each other with their phone calls for a good while, when they usually talk all the time. As Rory is leaving a message on her mom's phone she says "I'm totally capable on my own. Oops, I just ran into somebody. *Pause* AND HE'S DOWN! I got to go." Irony....and also something I would do / have done.

CSI: Nick goes to hug Grissom, as he's going on sabbatical, and since this is abnorml for Grissom, Nick tends to think he's leaving for good. Nick is in full hug mode and Grissom decides to inform Nick otherwise. "I'll be back in four weeks. Stop hugging me!" Grissom's voice was so flat that it was hysterical when it wasn't meant to be. Awkward turtle!

Becky and I were texting and she was notating that boys suck, and not in the good way. This is true. She also notated that she wanted to beat them up. Being the good friend that I am, I offered to help. It didn't go my way, but went something like this instead.

"Nah, I can beat them up on my own."

"but....but....but, I want to help."

She wouldn't let me, of course I don't think she beat anyone up either. I don't know for sure though, but if the cops come here asking around, I can honestly say that she didn't....that I know of.

This was the point where my Twitter went through and deleted all my updates for the day and then I had to re-remember them and put them back in while being pissed. I don't update for my health, I update to remember little fun, or shitty points of my day so I can write about them later. I'm learning that it does really help, but I also need to update my blog everyday, because if I don't, I can't tell a story like I want to. I can only tell the little points that I remember. I like to tell stories, true ones, with oomph.

I had bought my copy of Twilight on Saturday and was dying to watch it, however my mom did not want me to watch it until she would watch it with me. She wasn't exactly making any moves to watch it with me. I got out the DVD and resisted the temptation after being told about it, but decided to watch the two hours of extras. I was totally enthralled by the whole thing, including that they used no green screening in the movie. For a movie of this magnitude, that's pretty arfing amazing.

Twilight can bring out a lot of emotions when you get past the fact that it's a vampire story, because ultimately, it's a love story. I'm not into vampire stories in any form, but I fell in love with the love story behind it. Watching the extras and getting back into Twilight mode made me realize that I have been feeling nothing lately. I'm feeling everything physically, but none of it has been emotional, other than the struggle with getting through what I'm going through. There's been no room for love, or excitement, and I've always been such a deep person that I've struggled with this. I used to be able to sit down and write passionately and from my heart for hours. For years, literally, I would sit and write one chapter, at least ten pages long, of a story each night and I loved it. I would be so into it, feeling my every inch of being was in that story, but this has stopped in the last six or eight months, and I don't know how to feel anymore. I love to write, to create, to make stories, and lately I find myself avoiding my own novel because I feel like I'm writing without the vivid emotion. I hope it comes back to me soon, and if anyone knows a swift way to fix this, a way to open back up, please help me out.

What kind of amped up this emotion is that Twilight used the song Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park as one of their main songs. This song is on my blog from an earlier post, as it was also highlighted in one of the more emotional episodes of CSI. It just connected a lot of points together for me and I wanted to go to the place where I felt it all. I can feel things watching movies, crying during television shows, but when I go to write it's like I protect myself and lock it all away, too afraid to let myself feel. I don't know why this is. I want to sit down again, get excited, and write my life away instead of finding other things to do instead. I think I am afraid, but of what, I don't know. I hope I find out soon.

What does touch my heart is that Paramore the cat is besties with Greta. She will go outside with her at two am, hang out with her, and then come back in when Greta is ready. She will hug, love and sleep next to her. She stepped right in and took Munchkin's place, which has made Greta a very happy girl again. She filled the void.

Something to think about: If you're not yourself, then who are you, and why do you like them better?

Song of the day: Never Let This Go by Paramore, off of their first album All We Know Is Falling. I didn't know what song I was going to put in for this day until just now, and this one charged at me. The first line in this song gets me every single time I hear it, and in a way, I feel a lot of this right now. It's one of those songs that actually does allow me to feel something. I initially wanted to throw a song in here about either the indentity of yourself, or feeling so empty, but this song feels right. This song is also about pretending just to get through something, and although I'm not pretending to get through love, or to get through losing a love, or am afraid to be alone, but if you take this in general, it really does fit.

Tuesday the 24th:
Today I had a doctor's appointment, as is my life. This time it was with a neurologist who is also the wife of my heart surgeon. This is the second husband and wife team that I have within the same health care unit, and I am very pleased with both.

I woke up at 8:30 in the morning, which considering my appointment was to be at noon and was changed by the doctors office the day before without them actually telling me, I was not happy in having to get up earlier. I covet my sleep. This was the third time they effed something up with this appointment, but I did like the doctor and it was not her fault. I'm just lucky that they post all appointment changes on their website data base, or else I would not have known about the time change. I checked purposely the night before since they like to eff with my appointment time.

While trying to get ready, my mom decided to keep shouting out what time it was to me like I was two. I was ready before her. Lesson: If you focus on getting yourself ready and stop following others around and yelling at them, you too, will be on time. Just saying. Little things like that irritate me, especially in the morning. I wish I was a morning person.

On the way to the doctors office, we passed a laundry basket full of clothes on the side of the highway. That is how one immature person throws another out in Western Pennsylvania. This is, apparently, very common. Can you see why I want to move?

Also on the way there, I spotted a sign that said "Chiropractic Cennter." I have a serious issue with people who can not spell. We all do it though, and I'm understanding, but when it is an on a sign for a business there is zero reason for it, and I can not tolerate it. When it's an obvious, grade school word, you're a dumb ass. This was not even put on the sign in little letters, but it was instead a huge, permanent sign that they had made. No one caught that? Not the chiropractic "cennter" or the sign maker. I'm confused.

The waiting room at the office seriously provided lots of people watching fun, and some creep fun, for several reasons. It was Chaos! At the Doctor's Office. (Yes, this is a sad and vague reference to Panic! at the Disco, when there was still the exclamation mark.)

For starters, there was an older woman in the waiting room. Her daughter was talking to her extremely loudly, almost as if she were deaf. The daughter had this look of death on her face, and I think my mom pegged that look pretty well. "I have MS, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with my hearing." Maybe that's her daughter's way of getting out of taking her mom to the doctors. Annoy and embarrass her until she asks someone else next time.

My mom got up to go to the restroom at one point, leaving the seat next to me, obviously, empty. There were several seats up the line also empty, but as I am sitting there, out of the corner of my eye, I see some guy come and sit next to me. I didn't even look up, but I could see his clothes in my peripheral vision and he was dressed, let me be honest, like an old guy, so I assumed him as such. I kept this belief when he leaned closer to me, and practically sat on top of me from his chair. I just never looked over, figuring I had nothing to worry about, but knowing, since he sat on top of me instead of elsewhere, that something was up.

I didn't have a lot of time to think about this before I was called back for vitals. I told them my mom was in the bathroom and they said I would be right back. When I did come back out my mom was hella confused and searching for me. I think she thought I ran away. Nine kinds of confused, people, nine kinds. What I also noticed was that the guy who sat on top of me was not an old man, but a guy in his mid thirties who was a creeper, and staring at me as I came out of the room like he wanted to do horrible, naughty things to me. I am not that pretty, but I was the youngest thing in the room. I think I won on a technicality. I sat and hid out on the other side of my mom, sitting back as far as I could so he couldn't see me. Eventually he left, but he kept trying to look around my mom to stare at me. My mom and his mom didn't even notice. Scary.

After we got rid of the creeper, we pretty much saw the best lady in the history of the world. She was around seventy at best guess, and very small. A doctor came out to call her into the office, which you think would make her happy considering how insane the large waiting room was. The older lady got up, started making faces at the doctor, and then started air whacking the doctor with her purse behind the doctor's back. The doctor never noticed. Then, as she passed us, we were laughing and she smiled at us. She later explained to us, as we caught up with her, that she absolutely hates doctors. If I could adopt her, I so would.

There's not an oodle to report on the appointment. She was a good doctor, really listened and looked me over. I'm going to have three non painful tests done again. They're repeats of the tests I had prior to having the stroke. I must have an MRI done to test the nerves in my brain, an EEG to test for seizures, because I have little shaking spells and no one knows what they are for sure, and a Q-Sart done to test for an autonomic disease. The last one I'm excited about as my autoimmune doctor was in the process of testing me for that when she had to go out on pregnancy leave, and had not gotten to this level of testing. The fact that this nerve doctor not only agrees that she believes I could have an autonomic disease, but is going to pick up the testing aspect of it so that I don't have to wait for who knows how many months for my autoimmune doctor to come back, excites me. Little pleasures, my friend.

I had to go and pick up some papers in the building next to the one I was in, from another doctor. They were papers from the state which would determine how long my health care benefits would continue, and if I could pick up social security benefits. The husband of my autoimmune doctor that is gone took my papers to fill out, and when I got up there to get them, I was more than pleasantly surprised to find that he had actually given the papers to his wife to fill out. She marked me for temporarily disability lasting at least a year. I was shocked by this. I guess I'm holding on to the hope that this will be fixed quicker than I think and I will be able to join life again, work, and move, but apparently from what she sees, that is not the case. A year is a long time. On the good side, if there is one, it gives me time to write my novel and get a bunch of little things done that I will never actually do. I think the reason I'm so stuck on my novel is I'm not getting out there and having regular, everyday experiences, leaving me with all this time to dwell on my novel and I'm getting bored with it. Oh, sell me to the gypsies. I give permission.

I don't know if I ever mentioned Cleveland Lady before, but she works in the one hospital. A few months ago she was going to go to Cleveland on vacation and was telling my mom and I all about it, so the next time we saw her, we asked her how Cleveland was. She didn't get to go, but now every time we see her we strike up a conversation, and she is just the friendliest lady in the world. She will chat you up all day long if she can, and we're happy to listen.

On this particular day we were discussing the difference between people here in the east, and people out west. People out west, from my experience, are far friendlier than the people out here. I was telling CL about how my uncle, who is originally from here, but now lives out west, will purposely go up to people he doesn't know and say hi just to see how they react. Out west they say hi back, here he has been flipped out on, swore at, spit at, and had things thrown at him. Also, one of our local newscasters likes to point out how he gets spit at on the streets when he does not predict the weather correctly, which is a good portion of the time. No, not kidding. CL countered with a story where her son asked her why she doesn't just go right up and talk to people around here. Her answer, "just because." That's a pretty on the money answer...that, and you don't want to die by getting your head nom nomed off.

At some point during my time at the doctor's, I happened to notice that my dick sized chap stick had a warning label on it stating that the chap stick was not to be applied under the eyes. Why anyone would do this in the first place, I'm unsure. This just made Becky and I want to do this, but not on ourselves. We are currently searching for a guinea pig to let us try this on them. If the warning is there, it's for a reason, and we want to know why that is.

My mom also notated all the poles in the parking garage while our car was weaving in and out of them to get out of the garage. The car was pole dancing. Well...it was.

We decided to go to my grandmother's after the doctor appointment since it was on the way home. She needed some heavy cleaning done in her apartment. The cleaning people basically sweep and clean the tubs and toilets. They don't dust, or really scrub anything down, and her baseboards and around them were nasty. My aunt goes down there once a week, but refuses to clean, or do anything but take my grandma to one store and leave. She is basically no help at all, which leaves my mom, who is working two jobs and taking me to appointments, and me, who is sick, to do this. It's not really fair. My aunt has no job, as she refuses to work, and complains that she's bored all day. She won't take me to the doctor either to help my mom because she doesn't want to drive an hour away, once made my eighty one year old grandma drive herself to an appointment, and won't really help grandma out. As is my family.

When we got there, there were trucks all over the place and it looked like chaos had broken loose at the old people's home. We got to grandma's apartment and found out that there was a water main break. It flooded half of the bottom floor, including the dining room, but no apartments, thank goodness. When the water main broke, it wiped out the heating pipes too, meaning they obviously had no heat. It was a really nice day, so everyone was warm, but we were thinking we were going to have to adopt grandma at that point because the night was going to get cold. We were not going to let her freeze and a lot of residents had left already. We didn't have to adopt her though. They got everything working again before we left. Well, the water was back together and working when we had first got there. It was just the damn heat they had left to fix, and did.

When you enter my grandma's apartment doorway, there is a little shelf right outside her door. She currently has a little duck on it that I got her a few Easter's ago when I worked at Hallmark. It sings. This is exciting when the batteries are working, but they were pretty messed up. My mom, of course, had to play with the duck, whose name is Ducksley and no we did not name it, only to realize that instead of singing your normal, well tuned version of "Singing In the Rain," it was singing something like this. "I'm singING in the RAIN! JuST singing in THE raIN!" Anything that is capitalized is where he suddenly got loud and then went out of key. I'm glad to report that we changed the batteries and all is well in singing plush duckie world.

Also, going with the theme of stuffies, my seam ripper went MIA, so I had to drag an Easter Snoopy to Grandma's to rip its little ears out so I could replace them. Helena the dog somehow got a hold of Snoopy, who was on my desk, and ate its one ear. I do not have the exact same fabric to just make one new ear, so I must now make two. I felt so masochistic ripping the ear off of Snoopy. That's just not right and I am mean and cruel. My grandma pointed this out several times. (I also have yet to replace the ears due to lack of time.)

I ended up getting sucked into cleaning despite really not feeling well. I was suckered into it, more like blindsided by it. I was told that I was going to be able to lay down, but that was not the case. I ended up scrubbing floors and what not until the place was done. I would have been pretty mad considering how I felt, but a lot of memories were rememebered and we began to reminisce as I cleaned.

Grandma just moved out of her house, the house I grew up in since my grandparents practically raised me, almost three years ago. When I was little I would help grandma clean all the time, and those were some of the best days of my life. I always look forward to looking back on them. My grandma kept an immaculate house, so when she did spring cleaning, she would move her furniture around just to prove that she had cleaned something, or else no one would believe her since her house was always so clean.

My favorite days were the days when she had a day off from working at Thrift Drug, back in the day before it was Eckerd, and now Rite-Aid. She would collect bells, so you always knew what to get her for Christmas or when you went on vacation. She had a bell cabinet, and taking hundreds of bells out to clean them was quite a job, so we would buckle down and take hours and just do that while my grandfather flitted around and made little comments and joked about. God, I miss those days. I've also adopted all of her bells that she had intended to sale, and plan on continuing her collection.

I also remember the days when my Aunt Tony, a very gentle and amazingly wonderful woman, was still alive. She lived about two blocks from my grandparents house, so she would walk down and visit. She had a thing about fixing everyone's pictures, so she would always "straighten" grandma and grandpap's. This was super great except her version of straightening them always made them ten times more crooked. Grandpap used to get so mad.

My grandma had bought a new shower curtain and told me that I didn't have to put it up while I was there cleaning her bathroom on this day, but I also had one more memory to reverie, so I wanted to do it. When she lived back at the old house, she had this horrendous fish wallpaper that glittered. Finally, after years of having it, she realized it was incredibly tacky and took it down. She wanted to have a cool bathroom. We spent days, people, days, scouring two tri-state areas just to find her a shower curtain she liked. We ended up finding one an hour away and then we couldn't find rugs that matched it. My mom then got involved and would go looking for rugs at lunch. It was this whole diabolical, but it's one of my best memories. It was bittersweet to change the shower curtain and rugs, but I really like the new stuff and she is still keeping the old stuff and will change it out. These days seem just like yesterday, just like it, only they're not.

My grandma was trying to help us out as best as she could, but if we had to come and do it, it was obvious that she couldn't. I'm really unsure of what got her started on this, but the only thing that I can think is that we were talking about TV, or she sat down to turn it on. Either way, she began to complain about the woman on the Price Is Right who run down the aisles with huge boobies. Yes, boobies. I love her.

I took a little break myself and checked in on my Sidekick to read my favorite blog, Keltie's. What she wrote in her blog made me wonder something, as I've never experienced, but feel so deeply intrigued by this. How do you deal with seeing someone that you were truly, one and only in love with, so soon after the fall out? That woman is strong, and so are all the woman who know how this feels.

My mom kept on cleaning and found herself dusting nine billion ducks as my grandma collects duck stuff too. My mom finally got tired, lost track of where they all went, and told my grandma she was going to have to at least put them back. My mom doesn't play well with ducks.

After the cleaning was done, my grandma wanted to know if we wanted to go to dinner to pay us back for helping her. We didn't want paid, and she knew that, but we also knew that she was itching to get out of the apartment. She had sold her car a few months ago which took away her freedom, but she realized that she was getting so weak that she could barely turn the key in the console and had gotten stranded a few times due to this. It was the safe thing for her to do, however, now that she has regained her strength, it is a bummer. All my mom and I wanted to do at this point was go home and sleep, as we had been gone for a good ten hours, but I tried to act like I was starving, because I knew how badly grandma wanted to go and I wanted to go for her, despite feeling very sick, and neither of us being hungry.

On our way to get something to eat, we were sitting at a light across from a really awesome restaurant called Chesterfields that they had just torn down. They filled the land in with rocks and dirt and there it sits. My mom made a comment to the effect of how odd it was to fill a place that was level with the road with dirt and rocks, and how she had no idea how they were going to rebuild on that land. My eighty one year old grandma busts out with "whatever turns them on." What kind of television is she watching? My gosh!

I learned two things while we were eating. The restaurant, Joioi's, that my mom and I had tried before and weren't too fond of as the food was less taste, has that they have amazing pizza. I also learned that I tend to forget how big my ass is. Yes, I do have a huge ass for a little white girl, but I'm totally okay with that. However, while getting in the car, I actually managed to get my pants stuck on the door jam and had to wiggle myself out of it due to not usually sitting in the back and having less room to squeeze in. Classic. I wonder if that's how Brendon Urie feels when he goes to wiggle that ass through something? Just saying.

Finally, after a long day and a lot of not feeling so swell, but really holding up better than expected on the energy end, we made our way home. I don't usually watch Dancing With the Stars, but as mentioned before, I've been half catching it this season. Denise Richards didn't deserve to be kicked off and I was disappointed. I thought "The Woz" would be gone long before her, first episode, as no one really knows who he is, and probably didn't even know he invented Apple prior to the show. I have come to the conclusion however, that he is just really entertaining to watch even though he sucks, and that's why he's there. He also comes across super warm and friendly and you can't help but adore him, even if he did try to do the worm in the middle of the dance floor and it was all kinds of wrong.

After that, one of the shows like Dateline (but I'm unsure of which show it was exactly), was running a special on different kinds of scams people pull, and how easy others fall for them, while setting up actors to play the parts. One of the scams that was set up had to do with online dating. They set up a profile for a guy, and one for a girl, real people that did exist and did want to try online dating. They then set up dates for these people and replaced them with other people to pretend to be them that didn't look remotely like them to see who noticed. Everyone noticed and some tried to be nice, but others didn't. After an allotted amount of time went by, they would bring in the real person to sit next to the two daters and see what happened.

The one instance was really charming. After all these guys threw a fit at this poor girl because she obviously wasn't the right girl, and wasn't as pretty as the girl they were supposed to be meeting, one man came along, sat next to her, and struck up a conversation with her. He was one of the guys the real girl was supposed to meet on a date. He realized right away that she couldn't be the girl in the profile, but was having such a nice time with her, that he didn't care. When the real girl came and sat next to them, he looked up once, obviously knew who she was, and then went back to talking to the original girl. When asked why, when he realized she wasn't the girl he was supposed to be meeting, he continued with the date, he stated that he really liked the girl he was talking to and thought she was wonderful, and the girl really was. She was sweet, and awesome, and the kind of girl that you know got passed over a lot because she wasn't a perfect ten. She also ended up really liking this guy, so I not so secretly hope that they made a love match on this show without trying. I have a hopeful feeling that they did.

There's some people in your life that always come back no matter what. They shake you up, break you up, then you make up. How does this work?

Song of today: Looking Forward to Looking Back by Mandy Moore, off of her sixth album Wild Hope. I chose this song because, as I said earlier, I always look forward to looking back on the good old days with my grandparents. I also look forward to looking back on these days, or I wouldn't be making a blog to remember them by. Also, congrats to Mandy on her recent marriage.

Wednesday the 25th:
Today was a disaster and forty seven halves. I got up late due to being super sore from yesterday and then had to deal with the fact that my mom's cat peed all over the back of the couch, which I sleep on, and she was gone. This meant I needed to seriously scrub the couch. The pee smell was all over the top of the couch somehow too. The couch needed done anyway, and my mom was planning on doing it. I wasn't up to it, but if I was going to scrub parts of it, I might as well do the whole thing.

Long story short, this ended in me moving the couch, scrubbing the carpet under it and finding interesting things, painting the walls where the couch beat it up, fixing a light, and painting the door. I did not have it in me to do it. I was so sore I could hardly move, and I'm not allowed to pick up or move anything over ten pounds, twenty is pushing it, so this was just bad road. I only got the couch and things done, it took me five hours, I can barely move, but it smells awesome in the couch area. Now, to get rid of the leftover Munchkin pee smell.

I had a few sentimental moments for whatever reason after I sat down for the day. Did you ever notice that the dorky guys are the most sincere and sweetest guys? They have nothing to hide, because they try so hard to be seen.

This also made me wonder about girls. Why are girls so afraid to be emotionally beautiful and so stuck on the physical? Looks fade. What you do and say matters.

I run into a lot of these people who have issues with being emotionally beautiful, so they try to make up for it by focusing on how they look, making them narcissistic. Who wants to be around someone like that? Take care of yourself, but also know that you are beautiful exactly how you are, and if no one else can accept that, they suck and are not worth it.

Make Me A Supermodel brings out these revelations to me.

I decided to forgo my mom's request to wait for her to watch Twilight and watch it on my own, as I was craving it, and Greta and I needed a girls movie night. I was the last person who would ever watch anything vampire, but I'm so caught up and swept away with the story. (Please note, as I'm back writing this, that it's now Sunday and my mom has still made no attempt to watch Twilight, so I'm glad I watched it.)

I picked up ten times more and it was so much better after reading the book. I also realized they left out several really important things that are in the book and come in handy and are crucial in the second book, which I am almost finished reading to review. For instance, the Volturi. For those of you who haven't read the book, you will have no idea what I'm talking about, but they're kind of the entire point of the second book, so I'm interested to see how they're going to swing this. There's really no way for them to go ahead and cut that out. If they do, we're talking a whole other story here.

This is the night that I got hyped for one of my stories and decided that, although I liked the original story better, in reality it just did not work. I needed to tear it apart, tear the characters apart, and fit them back into the plot better. I needed to really just change not who they are, but aspects of their past that are going to intertwine and fit so thick into the story. (I am still trying to do this, as I didn't realize how labor intensive it is, but it's going to be worth it.)

Song of today: Waking Up In Vegas by Katy Perry, off of her debut album, One of the Boys. This is her new single, but the video isn't out yet. I chose this song because it has everything and absolutely nothing to do with the novel I'm writing, and yes, I know I'm the only one who understands that.

Thursday the 26th: (AKA: The day I originally started this blog.)
I gave up on today fairly quickly seeing as how I was sore and wiped out from two days of doing physical things that I wasn't even really supposed to be doing. Ya me! I could barely walk my legs were so sore, and yes, I realize this makes me a complaining wimp. It happens, I guess. On a good note, I realized the vitamin D seemed to be helping somewhat. (I still notice this. I've had more energy and feel a little better balanced.)

I decided to watch all the Keeping Up With the Kardashians that I possibly could, which amounted to be about three episodes that were on the television at the time. It was a nice little mini-marathon. I have no idea why I like that show so much, but I do. I guess we'll always be intrigued by how rich people live.

Today consisted of a lot of revelations for me again. I've had quite a few of these recently, as you have probably noticed. I've been really looking at myself, trying to find who I am, and trying to find that through myself and the actions of others. As human beings, we look to others from the time we are born, beginning with our parents, for examples. I'm starting to realize more and more what kind of examples I don't want, seeing crazy things going on with life and wondering how people get to be that way, or why they are that way. I'm noticing a lot of bad, tainted things going on out there. I tend to notate them as opposed to the nice things, and I'm unsure of why that is, because I am not perfect and I do some pretty dumb ass shit that would make people look at me and say that they hope they're never like me. I respect that, and I am trying to better myself everyday, but I know a lot of people who know they have very serious problems, and instead of helping themselves, they throw them on others and expect sympathy. I don't play, or accept that card, period. This has been a lot of my inspiration. I know the good I want, but I'm just now finding the bad.

I want to know why some girls will spend all their time coming up with excuses to get you to "lend" them money that you know they'll never pay back, but are too lazy to go get a job. I quite frankly would die to have a job right now, but I'm not allowed to work. I am just not an idle person, so when people who are healthy flat out refuse to work, but come to me and ask me for money (yes this does happen, I shit you not. Dude, where am I getting the money?), I tend to get a little more than slightly pissed off. I know someone who got fired from a job before she even started for not showing up for the training. Seriously, what does it take to just go? You can't not go because you "don't want to." Then she had the nerve to ask me to borrow money. Really? How about no.

I'm realizing that if I don't start getting rid of the toxic people in my life, the energy suckers, then I have no right to complain about these people, as I'm bringing this on myself and causing my own drama. I've been cleaning out the people closet, so to speak, and it feels good. There's people that will always be in my life, and yeah, I have my problems with them and them with me, but that's natural. No one is going to get along one hundred percent, and I'm pretty sure it's not totally healthy to either. I'm not talking about those people, but instead the people who cause their own drama constantly. We all cause our own drama from time to time, but I've got caught up in too many people who will cause it every single day by going with a guy who they know will beat them or treat them badly, misleading people when they know it's going to backfire, and purposely harming themselves for attention while crying wolf. There are people in this world with real problems, that have had tragic things happen to them and are trying to make the best out of their lives, but can't because something tragic keeps coming back to them that they are not causing. Those are people to stick around and support, not the people who cause their own drama.

I'm learning that I'm too nice. I want to save everyone, and put up with everything just so someone else can get some satisfaction, even if it's in a sick way. I can't do that anymore. It's hurting me every time they do something to hurt themselves, but it's also pissing me off when they continually complain about something that is their fault essentially. When you know a guy is going to mistreat you, you don't make the conscious decision to pick up the phone when he calls, and then ask me to drop you off with him. When I do, because you won't shut up about it, you end up calling me back and crying because he's mistreating you and ask me to come and get you at three in the morning, or complaining because you don't want to be there. You fought with me and cried until I dropped you off with him against my will. I told you not to go with him, but I am not your mother. I will not spend the night arguing with you over going with him, so if that's what you want to do, and you continue to fight with me about it, I will drop you off with him, but I will not pick you back up. Take responsibility for yourself, please, because you can not lay things on me or blame me when it goes wrong. I am not here to tell you that you can't do something and I won't listen to you bitch me out because I didn't force you to do it, because that's how you are, but I won't condone the way you're acting either. You're twenty three years old. Please.

It's time to cut these people loose. I try not to cause my own drama, and sure, I make mistakes, but it's not everyday, it's not constant. I'm not calling someone crying constantly because I messed up. I think I have called someone crying twice because of something idiotic that has happened, and it's been my fault and had to do with a boy. This happens to everyone, but you learn and don't continue to do it for seven years. It's okay to tell you that I can't be friends with you anymore, that you cause me too much drama. It does not make me a bad person and I need to learn that. I am too nice and too tolerant, and in a fragile state and it is killing me.

I also know that I want to learn to be less shy. I don't feel like I am. I mean, I can stand up for myself and speak my mind, but it seems like I find myself secluding myself on purpose. I want to not feel like I'm constantly going to get in trouble for something, that I can't make a mistake in public, and that I have to sit in the corner and read my book. I need to keep my head a little higher, and take charge of who I am because I do know who that is. I like who that is. I just have always kept to myself, because I've always had to, but I don't know. It's okay not to. I need to always remember that, and no matter how many times I am hurt or scorned, as long as I am proud of who I am, I need to show that. Some days I am fine, but others I am a little down. Please God, give me the strength to breathe my character just a little harder.

Halfway through my revelations, my mom came home, leaving me with a little empty place to put the pieces back to at night, when I was able to lay down with all of my thoughts. I was just about ten minutes into CSI and only half watching it when this happened, so I missed half of it anyway, but I did catch a pretty amazing few lines that really just nailed the relationship with guys and girls, and the way things work.

Warrick: *Picks up a purse and notates that it's heavier than his kit.* "Ever get hit in the head with one of these?

Nick: "No, gentleman don't get hit in the head with those."

E-FUCKING-XACTLY. That's all I'm saying about that, or I'll go on for a month. You know that I will. But take note guys, if you have gotten hit by a purse, you probably deserved it and no, in most cases, the girl was not a crazy bitch. It is possible to never get hit with anything by a girl...ever.

Also, does anyone get short, high pitched, overly chirpy girls? I know that some girls are just merry, and I'm cool with that, but there's those girls who are fake chirpy and I do not get it. Is that just me? Does anyone else get this and I'm just being super mean?

I secretly wish I was a morning person and not a night person, but if I'm not, which may be better for getting things done anyway, as my mom is a morning person, and a loud one at that.

Song of today: Start All Over by Miley Cyrus, off of the duel album Hannah Montana 2: Meet Miley Cyrus. Yes, I know, okay, this is the wicked little sixteen year old that sets a bad example for your kids. I get that, but I'm 23 and although I think she should tone it down some, but this song fits how I feel with reinventing myself. Start all over...

Friday the 27th:
Today started off in total disaster mode, and I had tests all day at the hospital so this was not a good thing. My mom and I were not getting along at all and Aunt Bev was going to come and go with us. I don't like to argue with my mom when she's around, but oh, I did, which I will get to later.

I was not optimistic going into the hospital. I was to have a gastric emptying test done on this particular day, and I thought it was an easy procedure. After I got online and read about a few things, I was concerned. I learned that they were going to feed me eggs, which I'm not so fond of to begin with. I have to be the odd one in the group and am actually allergic to the yolk as opposed to the white part. It makes me sick in my stomach to the point of actually not being able to choke it down. If I got eggs and could just eat the white part, that was great. If they scrambled them, I would get sick and therefore that would void the whole test. I guess I wasn't even thinking too much about what they were going to feed me as much as just getting the test done in general. I had remembered the doctor mentioning I'd have to eat eggs, but as I read about it online I saw they were scrambled and so this was a little disconcerting to me.

Also, they told me that if I was hypoglycemic and my blood sugar was not at good level, then the test would not come out right. I am hypoglycemic so this is good to know. Directly after that they told me I couldn't eat or drink anything, or take any pills for six hours before the test. This guaranteed my blood sugar was going to be off, and made zero sense. Who thinks these things up? How can I keep my blood sugar up if I can't eat anything, drink anything, or take pills? *Confused*

After a few mishaps, we made it in for my first test, which was a simple ultrasound to check and see if I had a blood clot in my right side, or something else going on that was causing my pain. After sitting beside smelly perfume lady because my mom decided we were going to leave super early and we got there forty five minutes ahead of time, I was taken back by a pleasantly hot guy. This is very rare. I've seen one other hot health care provider in the hospital, and he was older, and only okay. This guy was a full blown hottie, and he was young. I thought I would see more hotties being that the hospital is also a college campus for medical students, so students are everywhere, but not so much.

This guy's name was Seth, and if I knew more about him, I would totally find him again one day. He was cute and talkative, and then Aunt Bev had to randomly blurt out that the ultrasound showed that I was pregnant with twins. Obviously I am not, as that would have to be a true act of God, but it was hilarious none the less. Seth laughed, then realized that maybe he shouldn't be laughing, stopped, and then started to laugh again. He couldn't help it. I couldn't blame him.

What really got me about Seth is that he handed me a towel to put up under my shirt to protect my clothing, but then proceeded to lift up my pants, and shove the towel down them. It was weird, but also the most action I've got in like a year, probably longer, so I didn't complain.

Alas though, after forty five minutes with the hot Seth, I had to leave. While doing the ultrasound, he told me, even though he wasn't supposed to, that there looked to be polyps on my gallbladder. This usually results in gallbladder removal. I won't be seeing the doctor about this until May, so that's when I'll find out what they're planning on doing. I'm concerned about having more digestive issues without my gallbladder, but obviously with the horrible pain I'm having, keeping it isn't exactly working either. I'm going to try to not do what I always do, think too far ahead, panic, wonder, and worry myself. This is a part of my OCD, but I'm trying really hard to not act so crazy. If I keep acting so crazy, I'll soon be like Monk. No one wants that, including me. Funny to watch on television, not funny to be.

The gastric test followed the ultrasound, and, as expected, I could not do the solid food part of it. They did give me scrambled eggs, and in my defense, I did try to eat it, but they started to try to come back up, and I just couldn't do it. It wasn't worth spending the rest of the day throwing up and never getting the test done at all, which was what was going to happen. This is my normal reaction when I eat the yolk of an egg, so I figured I'd just do the liquid part of the test and at least try something.

This is where my mom and I got in a fight. I normally try to not mouth off to my mom at all. I will tell her my opinion on something, or sometimes put my foot down with her, but I went full blown monster. She was sitting in the room while I was gagging on the eggs, and she could see I was trying to eat them and they were not going down. When I finally gave up on eating them, she flipped out and told me several times that if she were me she would have just eaten them and sucked it up and dealt, and that I was being a baby. She also knows that I am allergic to them, and after the twelfth millionth time of her saying this, I lost my shit. I not so politely, in a low voice, explained to her, that, at twenty three years old, I am well aware of what I can and can not eat without throwing it up. I have tried to eat yolks several times, prior to finding out that I was allergic to them. Every time I had a major issue with them. I wasn't trying to be mean, but I didn't really need to hear it from her. I can not eat them, period. She needs to realize that I am not her, she is not me, and there's nothing she can do about that. I also spent the next four hours burping up egg with indigestion.

During this test, I had to have x-rays done every ten minutes, so we were given our own little room to sit in with a lot of boredom. Worse yet, we were all hungry. Why Aunt Bev and my mom didn't eat that morning, I was unsure. I also told them they could go eat, even though I was starving and couldn't eat until the liquid part of the test was done in an hour, but they wouldn't go. Really, I was okay with it. I'd rather them not starve to death.

While we were in this little room, several three year old moments occurred. First, out of trying to find something to do, I found a one hundred piece puzzle. I don't enjoy doing puzzles, but my mom does, so I gave it to her to do. It was a child's puzzle. It took the three of us to put together. My mom is an avid puzzle person. Quite funny. I only added a piece, so it was mostly the over fifty crowd doing the puzzle, but damn amazing.

Also, we were in a side room and there was no one in the hallway or around us. My mom had just made a comment about how fun Aunt Bev was, when Aunt Bev was sitting there reading Sports Illustrated and not paying attention to my mom, which was funny enough. Then, out of nowhere, this really huge, loud fart bust out. It was so loud that it sounded it someone farted loudly right beside us, but there was no one around. I was ready to bust out laughing about my mom's comment to Aunt Bev, and this happened at the same time, so when I did bust out laughing, it was super hysterical, because I was then laughing at two things at once. I think everyone knew though that I was laughing at the person who farted. And even if I wasn't, which I half was, it was just bad timing all around. I am three.

After the test was finished, we decided to get food immediately. More like, Aunt Bev stated several time that she didn't care where we went or what we did as long as it required food. She said it so many times, in so many different ways and fun tones that it was truly funny, but she has that way about her.

We settled for Applebees a half an hour away, because there is literally nowhere to eat anywhere around the hospital unless you want their food. Weird, right? Especially in a college town. Once we got seated, my mom and Aunt Bev were having a heated conversation about donuts. Bev's husband is not allowed to eat donuts, and my mom knows this. She likes to break all kinds of rules though. Rich, her husband, had recommended my mom's cleaning and pet-sitting services to a client of his. She bought him donuts, took them over to his office knowing he liked them, and told him not to tell Bev. He told Bev, but he's also not allowed to have them for health reasons. I worked for him so I know this, and I know he used to sneak them in then I would have to either eat them or hide them, or feed them to clients.

Aunt Bev stays calm about everything. I've never seen her mad, but you could tell she was perturbed at my mom, and my mom was perturbed at Rich for telling Bev. Yes, my mom was blaming Rich instead of accepting that even though she was trying to do something nice, she was still doing something wrong. Granted, he'll eat his donuts anyway, but don't provoke it, you know? My mom knew Bev was upset and she told Bev not to yell at her. Aunt Bev replied with...and this is epic.

"I'm not going to holler at you. I'm just going to beat you up." Let's leave this at that. Self explanatory.

Also while eating, my mom asked Aunt Bev if she wanted to watch Twilight with us, which led to a discussion on the books. I've always been a pretty avid reader. I love to read, but I tend to read on and off. I'll go through times where I can't get enough reading, then I have to take a break for awhile. For whatever reason, my mom decided that, a year ago, Becky got me into reading and I never read before that. I looked at her really, really strangely, because the books that I buy, and my book collection could not possibly be a clue to the fact that I read. Apparently they are there to look pretty and I buy them for fun. I expressed to her nicely that, no, I always read. She flipped out at me. Flipped the fuck out. She got nasty with me, told me that I was lying to her, that I didn't know what I was talking, and then when I tried to ask her why I had so many gosh darn books that I buy, she just continued to rudely say "whatever" saying that since I was being a bitch, she was going to be Hyde from That 70's Show.

She does not live in reality. She often imitates people from That 70's Show, but in real life. She will literally say things characters say, in their voices, in very real situations, and she obviously thinks I buy books for fun. And I'm the one getting yelled at? No. I even told Becky and she texted me for me to show my mom that I always read books, I've even lent her books after we've discussed how good they were, and she did not get me into reading. (How does one get you into reading anyway?) My mom said she was lying also.

I have no idea why she chooses to make big things out of something so little, and me answering her turns into her screaming at me. She is another person who likes to make her own drama. I love her, but she doesn't know me, doesn't believe a word I say about the simplest things. I wish I knew why she doesn't like who I was so much or why she can't accept anything from me unless someone else came up with it. As much as I argue with my mom, I do want to be best friends with her, like the Gilmore Girls only real, but she won't allow that. She won't accept me. I don't know why.

Edit: I'm picking up here on Tuesday the 31st. I have really just not had time to hash out a blog. I keep this mostly for myself, to remember the days when I didn't feel well and the little things that got me through so I can always remember there's a light at the end of the tunnel, there's always hope. If you're reading and noticed my suckage in updating, I am sorry, but I promise this is an extra long and awesome update. And back to it we go.

After eating we came home, because we were all wiped the fuck out and the dogs had to pee, surely. We let them outside and did a foot detox, thanks to Aunt Bev, who was fighting so hard not to fall asleep. Good thing we were taking her home, which is exactly what happened when we were done.

My mom has been pet sitting a dog and wanted me to go with her a day since I will be taking over Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday while she is at work in the evening. The house is next to Aunt Bev's and so I had told her that I would go with her, as she was bugging me to go a day. She walked out the door and left me, only realizing it after getting out the door...and she's the one that wanted me to go.

The dog that she's pet sitting is named Sassy, and it was a pleasure to meet her. She's very shy, but very sweet and wonderful and misses her mommy, but not so much her daddy. I used to own a pet sitting business called "Four Footed Friends." I did this for years, and even stayed over night at people's houses until I was working, not feeling well, and it got to be too much. I always appreciate a very sweet dog, let me tell you. They are not to be underestimated.

After we got home, I was exhausted. I downright gave up on the day, meaning there was nothing to report. And let's be honest, being that this is now Tuesday, I don't remember what exactly I did on this day after we got home, so I assume it could not have been that awesome, so we shall leave it at that.

Song of the day: Invisible by Ashlee Simpson. I believe this was a song on the re-release of her second album, I Am Me, however I am unable to prove this, so I am not sure where this song came from, but it was a single. I will leave no link due to this. It's such a powerful song and sometimes this is how I feel when it comes to my mom...invisible. I love this song.

Saturday the 28th
Busy...busy...crazy busy bumble bee. I didn't get up until late today, which is totally normal for me, but I also knew that I had a billion things I wanted to do, and one was to go get and groceries. This should be easy, but it was not.

I have food stamps, I will admit it, but it's not like I get a lot of choices. I'd rather work than be in the system, but I'm not allowed and I really can't help that, because I'd rather be well and working than sick, trust me. I decided to check the balance on my Access card to know what I was going to the store with before going, because that's the smart thing to do. I could not get in. I kept getting asked a "security question." This would be great, but when signing up I was never asked to answer any security questions, and this was the first time one had popped up, so of course, no matter what I answered, it was wrong.

I had to call to get my balance, which was fine, but when I tried to explain to the lady on the other end of the phone what was going on when I tried to sign in online, it was a lot of dead air and confusion. She left me to go talk to a "supervisor" and they both concluded I was not locked out of my account online. This was not true, as I was told I was on the website, and I couldn't get in because the same question kept popping up. They did not understand this. I was going to call back later and hope for someone different, but I decided to just not make more out of this than I have to and just call for my balance since it's easy, and that's the only thing I used the website for anyway. Erasing drama.

After that was situated, I started out my day by running to the local health store that I knew took my Access card, as a lot of places here do not. I want to eat healthier, so I thought I could get all natural food there and call it a day. That was until I saw that they wanted $6.49 for a loaf of bread and over five bucks for a box of cereal. I'm all about eating healthy, but I can't afford to eat like that on food stamps, so I'm just going to have to watch what I buy. And btw, there is nothing in bread that would make me pay five dollars more for it at a health food store. Sorry, no. That's price gauging, my friend.

I got my food at Wal-Mart instead, which is pretty much so predictable that it's mundane. I went to the Wallies that had been giving us some issues as of late, the same one Becky works at, but I am please to announce that aside from stupid people, I had no issues with the actual store. I do know that shopping at our Wallies must be the earth version of hell though. People run into you, do not move, and block aisle ways for fun. There is no common sense, but sadly I think that is common at all Wallies.

I had gone out on this day not feeling so particularly well, and after grabbing some dog cookies, I did not think I was going to make it through shopping for food. I kept feeling like I was going to pass out, which also meant that I would have no way home. I gave it a couple of minutes and it did eventually clear up, and I felt really good, which was absolute leeway to get more stuff done, and as much stuff as I can get done when I'm out for one day, the better, because who knows when I'll have a free day again.

I decided to go to JoAnn Fabrics next. I am crafty and needed things. One thing being a seam ripper. I may have gotten Snoopy's ears off, but I have a few dresses from the 1950's that I want to modernize, and in that case, I don't want to ruin anything by cutting it, so I needed the seam ripper. I also needed candle wicks, as I was burning some of my candles with a candle warmer, but I just don't like it all that much, so I decided to melt them down and replace the wicks. I tried using the old wicks, but they were far too short after being menaced with for the last year of being in a candle warmer. This worked out perfectly, as not only did I find everything fairly easily in a huge store, but they were having a forty percent off sale and I didn't even know it going in. Ya! I love sales, but who doesn't?

Somehow, while leaving Wallies, it hit me that I needed to get a plastic tablecloth for our table outside, so I figured while I was out I would look for one. I had no luck at Wallies or JoAnn's, and usually we find them at the Dollar Store. While at the Dollar Store, I passed a lady who said to her friend, "We always spend our last $2 at the Dollar Store." This cracked me up until I realized I only had a few dollars and ended up buying a toy for the dogs since they are constantly ripping them apart and in need of a new one before they decided the furniture looked fun. What she said....totally true.

Dog toy in hand, but no luck with the tablecloth, I ended up going up to Target, and they had them, but they were six bucks. My cats can and will murder this tablecloth over the summer, so it just was not worth it.

I'm not necessarily supposed to be driving, but I do if I'm really careful and not going very far. I, of course, had my mom's SUV since my car is still not drivable. She had to pet sit tonight and I was going to basically pass the house she was pet sitting at on the way home. She also wasn't feeling well, so trying to be nice, I went over and played with Sassy and let her out. This is when we learned that Sassy likes me way better than my mom, and we're both okay with that. However, my mom just thinks I should pet sit from now on in, but I'm totally okay with having her do it until I have to. I didn't take said job.

After I got home, I decided I was both tired and lazy and joined my mom on the couch....with food. Oh yeah, that's how I roll. I was so tired that I wasn't in the mood to get online, which left me to do something that I don't normally. I...wait for it...watched television. And if I'm going to do that, you best believe I watched something odd and non age appropriate...such as a rerun of The Kids Choice Awards. Oh yeah, not even the original showing, a rerun, which means I'm entering pretty loser like territory here. Not only was I amused by them, but it made me think that I should watch more kids shows. I really need some kind of life, or a new hobby, don't I? Level with me, can I buy a new life, or am I totes screwed in that department? Anyone know?

Also, has anyone else noticed that Miley Cyrus' new Hannah Montana wig looks really shitty and fake compared to the old and awesome one? I understand needing a new wig, but why give her such a sucky one? I should not know what either of her wigs looked like, far more be comparing them at 23, but I also can sing the theme song verbatim and in key, and do at random times. I'm alright with all of this.

I also have a quote in my Twitter that says "I like mommy more than ten." I know this is off of something I was watching, and it cracked me up, but I can't remember what it was. Does anyone else know what this might be?

Song of today: The Best of Both Words by Hannah Montana (played by Miley Cyrus), off of her The Best of Both Worlds duel CD/DVD. I had to add this song for the pure and annoying reason that I had just mentioned that I will sing the theme song from time to time.

Sunday the 29th:
I just need to start this day by saying that I had, certifiably, the weirdest dream last night, one in which I feel the need to elaborate on to the best of my ability.

I was in an airport terminal, waiting to go somewhere, and I wasn't feeling well all of a sudden. My mom and grandmother were there, so we headed to the nurses station at the airport, and I'm not even sure if they have those, but I'm sure they do. For whatever reason, they did a pregnancy test on me and found out I was pregnant. My conscious state was laughing hysterically, because I have no boyfriend nor am I sexing, so this is, of course, impossible. Dream me however, had a mysterious, older, secret boyfriend of a year and a half, and this is the point where I had to tell my mom not only this, but that I have had sex, which she could have guessed. I'm not really sure the point of the dream, but it was so awfully real that I woke up scared that I was pregnant. I've been having lots of pregnancy dreams lately. Does anyone know what they mean?

When I looked it up, this is what I found, and it could be very true for my situation:

Pregnancy often represents new growth in your life, growing creativity. The baby kicking inside could represent the idea that your creation or creative potential is trying to kick you to get your attention. Focusing on the arm might be a clue for you. An arm might represent something specific for you. What do you think of when you think of an arm? Could it represent using the arm to direct or point or does it represent your creativity? Are you an artist or do you use your arm physically in your hobby or passion such as writing or sports? You must think about this and try to draw your own meaning from it.

Also in the dream, I remember worrying about if my boyfriend would be happy I was pregnant or not, so when I told him, I also told him that if he didn't want to be part of this because we were not married or engaged, to just tell me and that I was okay with it. I also told him that if he didn't want to be part of it now, to not expect to ever be because I wasn't going to make my child go through living in two different homes while growing up because her dad wouldn't be part of her life. I knew the baby was going to be a girl for whatever reason. I know this comes from the way I grew up and being forced to go with my dad on weekends, but I realize how much I would not want that for my kid, and how I have to make sure that I never get in a situation where it comes to that. I am responsible for this.

If that wasn't sign enough that today was going to be insane, let me just give you a little taste of just how insane my day could get. 10 cats, three cat carriers, and a rabies clinic. Oh yeah. Let me tell you exactly how this one does, or doesn't work.

We obviously have a lot of cats. It's expensive to get them fixed and keep up their shots, so my mom heard about a rabies clinic for $8 a piece, and the proceeds benefited a local shelter. Rabies are usually around $50 at the vet, because they tack on the vet visit too. This was a good way to get all the healthy cats done and help a shelter. Double score.

Two weeks ago we had taken two of our cats that were due for distemper shots to the vet to have them done, and also got their rabies done there since we were already there, so they didn't have to go, leaving us ten to take. We had one large dog crate and two smaller cages, so we knew disaster was coming. We not only had to catch all the cats, but we had to shove seven of them into the dog crate, two into the plastic crate, and one into the fabric one. We also had to keep in mind that some cats don't like others. When this was all said and done, this took a half an hour.

Enter the half an hour drive with ten screaming cats to the clinic. When we got there, it was crowded as all hell. We were early and still number 35. I explained the situation to the shelter, about us having so many cats, knowing that, depending on the shelter staff, this was either going to go really good or really bad. It went really good.

We brought the two small cages of cats out and left the other kitties in the car. It was a warm day, but not too hot, so it worked out. The line moved super fast, and before we knew it, it was our turn. This would be easy, except we had to keep switching out cats since there was no way in hell we were getting the big carrier into the clinic.

I came up with the plan to give me one little cage, shut me in the SUV, and I would switch the cat in the small carrier, for someone in the big carrier, then repeat with the other carrier. It took us two times of doing this, but three trips including the original. They were awesome and let us cut in line each time we brought new cats in instead of waiting twenty minutes in line each time. I was expecting to lose at least one cat, pull half my hair out, and cry, but none of this happened. This was an idea that could not have gone better, but we also decided that we were just not ever doing that again.

There were two pretty notable things that happened while we were there, none that had to do with the cats, that I would like to point out. For one, when I was registering the cats with the girl who was filling out their rabies certificates, some random dog kissed me as he walked by me. His owner told him he couldn't just kiss random people, but I literally turned and thanked the dog. It was the cutest little brown boxer, maybe six or seven months old, and it licked my pants. Talk about happy pants in the clean, non sexual way. It was the cutest thing and I was delighted.

Also, it was pretty well known by the time we had made it to get our shots done, that we had ten cats. I guess the last time the clinic was there they had run out of rabies shots, but we had already paid for ours and were gauranteed them. When we came up to get more of our cats done, some lady behind us looked at us and shot off with "I have one more cat to bring up. I hope you have enough rabies shots." My mom looked at her and said "we already paid." I'm sorry, but she had no right to mouth off at us. If we can bring ten cats, she can figure out how to bring two. Also, this was on our second trip in, meaning that she had gotten there after us. If she was that worried about getting both of her cats done, she could have been sufficiently on time. Not our problem. Keep your nose where it belongs.

After all the cats were done, we were starving and stopped at Burger King with yelling cats in the car. When we did finally get home, some of them were afraid to come out of their cages, when it's usually the opposite. I was wiped out, having felt pretty shitty all day, so I laid down. This would have been a good idea, except, right in the middle of the movie I was watching, I was attacked by our palm tree light. It's metal and went crashing down behind me. It did not actually hit me, and it's not broken except for one little light cover that was glass and it fell on. Seriously though, who knew something that looked like a beautiful palm tree, could be so dangerously vicious. What did I ever do to it?

I now have to take a moment to address something that happened right around the same time that the palm tree light attacked, and luckily didn't hurt any animals. I have decided not to write out what happened for several reasons, and even though this is only going to make sense to me, I need to document it. "Saturday night her husband took pills and then washed it down with booze, wishing for childish attention. He's not serious, but he can hurt others."

My mom assumed that I was going to go with her to visit Sassy since I had told her about how happy Sassy was with me, and how I could hug her and everything and she was still warming up to my mom. I did go with her, and now she expects me to go with her every evening, which will only be one more evening, as then I have to watch her the next three nights myself. I refuse to get up in the morning and go with her though. Not to be rude, but I can never sleep until later, so I need to sleep in to even half function. I try to sleep...but can't. I fail at sleeping at night, but during the day it's all hunky dory. (What, is this now 1950?)

After getting home and cruising the internet, I just want to point out that George Eads made it in this years TV Guide's 35 sexiest stars and the picture is h-a-w-t! (Gosh, I hate when people spell things all stupid, but what the heck, I'll live a little and try it.) See, I knew he was sexy. I think he may also be the oldest person on the list, but I'm not positive. His body is particularly banging, especially for someone his age. He looks better than most twenty somethings I've seen. Damn...that should be a crime.

Song of today: Hot Stuff (I Want You Back) by the Pussycat Dolls, off of their first album PCD. Let me be honest, there is no rhyme or reason to this song. I really just was thinking of a hot, sexy song, and this is a remake, so that just makes it ten times better. Also, George is hot stuff, no?

Monday the 30th:
If hell and heck married, and then had a really long honeymoon of which I was invited to, and then came home and wreaked havoc on my life because I interrupted them by accident when they were trying to get it on, that would explain today. Anyone who has ever had to go to the County Assistance or SSI office understands that and I feel for you. I do. Right here, baby.

On the way to the County Assistance Office we got behind a really beat down old truck. This is normal for this area, as everyone thinks that it's okay to drive vehicles that would never pass inspection, and the police never seem to care either. I've seen it all, and then I wonder why I'm worried about my car missing a mirror. I mean seriously....you know I'd be the one caught when there's people out there losing parts left and right to their car as they drive, which was exactly what we got behind on the way there. He literally lost parts to his truck while driving, and then calmly pulled over, picked them up, threw them in his truck, and kept going. Yeah...I need to move.

I always hate the days when I have to do anything dealing with the state, because I immediately know something is going to go ghastly and insanely wrong. I trudged up there anyway and took my mommy with me, because hell yes, I was scared. The point of the day was to drop my medical papers that the doctor had filled out, and then have my case worker help me fill out SSI papers since I am to be off for a year. I had talked to her and this is what she said she would do. Also, her last name is Queer and she answers the phone "R Queer." I'm sorry, don't tell me that's not just asking for.

When I got to the assistance office, I walked in to see that it looked like the crazy bus had exploded, I'm pretty crazy myself so I'm not insulting anyone, and readied myself to settle in for a good long time. What made the crazy even better was that the girl who came in behind me, walked in, saw the crowd, and loudly announced so that everyone could hear her, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" She then proceeded to get in line behind me to wait to register and spend the next half an hour filling out her papers that she was supposed to be dropping off. I have no idea what she was complaining about. She didn't even have her papers filled out and held everyone up. She's the kind of person who people complain about. She wasn't in my way however, so I found it sickly funny. This will come back to me, I'm sure. It always does.

After explaining to the lady at registration what I needed, she then passed it off to someone else who was not my case worker, telling her that she had no idea what I wanted, loudly so I could hear it from the place where I was now seated. What I said to her was this exactly. "I need to see my caseworker, because I am turning in medical papers to her and she is also supposed to help me fill out SSI papers." This was self explanatory, and even if you were a big enough dumb ass to not understand it, you could not fail by getting me my case worker. She failed anyway, as did the lady who took over for her.

I proceeded to say the exact some thing to the lady that took over for her, including my caseworker's name. (R Queer) She then cut me off, took off, came back and announced that my caseworker was R Queer and that I needed to drop off papers for her. I had just said all of that. Imagine that. I'm not stupid....

After a really nice go around with this lady just to get her to take said papers, we finally gave up and left. She would not only not let me see my caseworker, who has been proven to be a ditz herself, but she also would not help me with SSI and shrugged me off. Thanks for the help, fuckers.

Now I had to make the journey to the SSI office, which is like hell only with less people and less flames. The workers there are usually friendly too, but the whole process just sucks and I didn't even know where to start despite trying this before a year ago and being denied because I was only to be off for six months. While waiting patiently for someone to come out and help me, I noticed a lovely sign adorning the one window. It read, in a few words of less "It is a Federal offense to kill or kidnap an employer of our office." Hey, no fucking shit. Guess what, it's also illegal to do that to anyone. Who woulda guessed it? Sad part: There's always a reason that signs like that must be put up. I don't want to know their reasoning, but I can probably guess it.

I didn't wait that long, but of course it was nearing closing time. I went back into the office and talked to one of the workers. I'm pleased to announce that he was both nice and helpful. He e-mailed me the links of the forms I would have to fill out for my specific situation, gave me a companion form so I knew what I needed before I even got online to fill said papers out, and made an appointment for me to come back in two and a half weeks for my interview.

He made it sound so easy, but now that I know I have to go through a year and a half of medical records, somehow piece together all the tests I had and doctors I've seen when I'm not the one who the bills go to and have no other records, sounded a lot like hell. I could understand telling them all the doctors I had and their addresses so they could send for the medical records, and that I could do fairly easily by my health plan's online database, but to tell them all the tests I've done is just going to be ridiculous. Isn't that he point of pulling med records anyways, to find this stuff out? Seems like we're making things difficult here SSI people...but not for you..oh no...for me. Now I must get into my desk with a three inch thick pile of paperwork from all my appointments and go to town. This should take at least five or six hours. I wanted to organize my desk for some time now, but not particularly in this way.

Since we were now in the area, we decided to try out the Sonic that had opened that day. Instead of doing that, I learned just how desperate Western Pennsylvania is for excitement. The line to Sonic was so long it was spilling out of a very full parking lot. This is in an area with over ten restaurants within a quarter of a mile area, and some of them are pretty new, but yet you couldn't get near Sonic. If a Sonic brings this much excitement, just imagine what a whole entire circus could do. Just saying....

We ditched that idea, went to Altmeyer's and found a cheap, but cute purple tablecloth, and ate at TGIFridays. I had the worst dinner of my life there. The chicken tenders tasted like they had been frozen, got freezer burn, were heated up, let sit, and then heated up again. No really, that's exactly what they tasted like and I'm apt to believe that's what happened. I even had my mom taste them and she was grossed out. They took it off our bill, but I was still hungry and too grossed out to order anything else there, even though my mom's food was good.

The good part about TGIFridays is that my friend Ryan works there. I used to be in a band with him, and he was my right hand man. Ryan is one of my favorite people, but it seems like I get him in trouble every time I try to talk to him there. I am proud to announce that I did not get him in trouble this time, but I do want to know how the hell he got to be so damn tall. He's growing up on me. (I've known him since he was fifteen, and he's growing up so fast. He's going to be in college next year. How does this happen? Yes, I am aware that I sound like his mother, but okay with that.)

Before leaving TGIFridays, a huge family was brought in to sit right on top of us. We were in a part of the dining room that had just opened when we came in, and up until that point we were the only people in that entire part of the dining room, meaning the whole dining room was empty. I made a comment to my mom on how I hate when the hostess will sit people right on top of you when there is a whole dining room to sit them in. The guy who had sat down behind us with his wife and four kids loudly says "I CAN'T HELP IT IF I HAVE A BIG FAMILY OR A LITTLE FAMILY." Apparently he thought I was insulting him or saying I didn't want him to sit there with us because he had four kids of all young, but different ages. That wasn't at all what I said. Jerk.

Also...for your information dumb ass jerk, you CAN indeed control how big your family is. Unless you have twins, sextuplets, random multiples, you have the power. Buckle up, cover your toy, wrap it up buddy, and make your wife use birth control....but you can control it. Those kids of different ages didn't just show up by way of the stork.

On our way home, we stopped to check on Sassy. I learned two things while she was outside. One, our sportscasters name is Guy Junker. Yes, that's his real name and I can not remember if I mentioned this before, but something tells me I already knew this and may have.

Two, I could kill myself anywhere at any time without even trying. Thank you lack of coordination. I almost fell down the stairs at Sassy's house and don't even know how. This is why we don't have steps physically in our house. I am a natural Bella Swan.

When we got home, I happened to check my phone, which is having severe battery problems. I got a text from Paul, a really random one, telling me that he just wanted me to know that everything was going to work out in my life and that I would get everything I wanted because I was a good person. Sometimes it just takes someone saying that to let me know how scared of things I really am.

This made me freeze up for some reason, shut down. I've never thought of myself as a bad person, but when someone else tells me that I am not I want to instinctively yell at them and tell them to take it back. I don't know why I can't accept a compliment, but I think it's because I've always had to rely on my own opinion of myself to get me through things because I didn't have compliments growing up, at least not after my grandfather died when I was fourteen. When someone else says things like that to me, I think back about ways that I have disappointed this person, or could, and I feel like I am not so much of a good person, even though the things may have been minor, and can't live up to their expectation.

Sometimes that makes me wonder if I don't feel like I'm worthy of love, but I don't believe that's it. I believe strongly that I don't know what real love is, and being that I am so guarded, and I shut down so easily, this contributes to it. I've never had anyone else believe in me the way I believe in myself, or be right on the same page as me, and I simply don't know what to do. I've been ran over so many times that I know if I don't protect myself, no one will. I don't let people in, but when someone tries to get in I shut down and I don't want to do that anymore. I'm really trying hard not to, but there's a fear inside of me that I'm still fighting. I want to win. I don't want to shut down, or even sometimes get angry with someone for complimenting me, because I'm just waiting to disappoint them, or for them to take it back. I am stronger than that, but until I prove it to myself, knowing it just isn't enough.

Thank you Paul, I am truly touched.

My mom also realized around ten that we had not seen our one cat Jorja (named after Jorja Fox who plays Sarah Sidle on CSI....told you I was addicted.) since we got home from the rabies clinic. My mom went on an epic search for her and fond her in the garage....that is not attached to the house. See...it's never dull living here. To say that would be a lie, but it can be boring. You get used to all the antics, but they never seize to be amusing. Make sense?

Tuesday the 31st: (Aka, today, which means I'll remember more little things.)
It took me a half an hour after waking up to realize that I was going to be inept all day today, and that inanimate objects hated me more than usual.

Fail one: I finally made the waffle mix that I had in the cupboard. I had been waiting to do this and was so in the mood for waffles. The recipe said that a whole batch would make twelve, four inch round pancakes. My waffle maker was four inch round, so I decided to make only half the batter, eat one or two, and then put the rest in the fridge. The half batch only made one, so the box severely lies. Worst part, it ends up that the waffle maker doesn't work so much anymore, and it totally gobbled up and ruined my waffle as well as had to be thrown out, meaning I not only had to make more, but I also had pancake shaped waffles since I didn't want pancakes as they don't taste as yummy with whipped cream.

Fail two: My brain stopped working, or never started, and I miscalculated how much coffee mix to put in the coffee pot. This resulted in me having to have a half cup of coffee with a half cup of soy milk, a teaspoon of sugar, and a squirt of whipped cream. It was still too strong.

Win one: A friend of mine who grooms Greta called me and told me that she could cut down my price of grooming by a significant amount while still offering the same services. I don't really have the money to groom her, and had to borrow it off of my mom. I always thought that grooming was a luxury for a dog until I adopted Greta. She is a chow-chow and has two coats of hair. I don't have the right equipment to pull her undercoat, nor would I know how to without hurting her. I brush her all the time, but that only helps her top coat. Her undercoat itches her so I have to keep her groomed, because if I don't, it's just very unfair to her. She doesn't deserve to be itchy all of the time because her mother, who loves her very much, sucks in the money department.

Win two: My friend got Greta in today, so she can finally stop itching.

I had places to be before I could take Greta anywhere. I needed to run a bill over to be paid, drop things off at the post office, and go to the bank. I am left with a ton of change, so I sat on my bedroom floor for two hours sorting through an entire piggy bank of change and bankrolling it so that I could deposit what I needed to pay off one of my bills. I had too much fun.

When I was little, my grandfather knew that I liked to organize things and would keep oodles of change in a jar. He convinced me that sorting change was a privilege, and a ton of fun, and I believed him, so I would sort through change that was always more than eighty dollars, but usually not much over one hundred. I still believe that sorting change is fun, because it reminds me of him, and being young and having fun doing that with him. It was a nice, serene memory.

I made my rounds, and the lady at the bank, who is also a friend, told me that she wanted to lend me a bunch of movies so that I didn't get bored while I was sick. She is too sweet, and she lives right down the road, so I think I may take her up on that. What the heck, right? I'll watch them right away and take them back.

With less than an hour and a half before taking Greta to the groomer, and a lot to do, I got to work, feeling pretty okay today, or mostly faking it. I scrubbed out the litter boxes, cleaned the cat room, took care of the outside cats, washed the dog blankets, cleaned the dog porch and the rug, showered, and did not get anywhere near as much done as I wanted to even though I was hauling serious ass.

I collected Greta Hayley and her adorable leopard print, multi-colored collar, and took her to be groomed. (I must post of picture of this awesome set sometime, as well as a link to the awesome lady who makes them.) She loves Denise, and because she is my best friend, and I am worried about who I leave her with. I never have to worry with Denise, but I always miss her so much. I'm not used to not having her around for a few hours.

Dropping her off seemed to be the easy part, because as I left, I had the biggest FML of the day. I submitted it to the site, so we'll see if it goes through, but for nostalgia purposes, I'll add it here.

Today, while driving through a parking lot, some lady walked right out in front of my car, and then continued to walk down the middle of the road so that I couldn't get around her. Frustrated, I yelled "move, bitch." My window was still down from having the dog in the car. She heard me. FML."

I will be honest right now, I want to feel bad about that, but I do not. The fact that she turned, saw me, and walked right out in front of me when I was about ten feet from her was absolutely stupid and dangerous in the first place. She KNEW I was there. She's lucky I was in control of my car and didn't hit her. Second, when you go out in the middle of a road...YOU HAUL ASS TO GET OFF OF IT. Not only did she not try to get off the road, she walked slowly down the middle of it with no intentions of moving. WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH TO WALK DOWN THE MIDDLE OF A ROAD? (Other than her.) That takes zero common sense and she needed to move, as that was disrespectful and extremely stupid.

Pissed, and watching where I was going double time, I got the hell out of the parking lot and went to visit Sassy, as today starts my evenings of watching her myself. She ran right over to me and gave me super huggles, which is always beloved by me. She was also excited to get outside today because it was a nice day, and this is something new for her to be excited about going out. She won't play while outside really, and likes to wander and ignore everyone, so I went inside and fed her, gave her fresh water, all those fun things that need done while I was waiting for her.

After I finished up, she still didn't want to come in so I sat down on the couch and turned on the television, not knowing what else to do since she had no interest in me. The house is a split level and the couch backs up to the banister at the top of the stairs. While sitting there, I heard the front door open, slam shut, and then footsteps coming up the stairs behind me. I heard this over the television and it was very loud and distinct, so much so that I actually got up and looked. There, of course, was no one there. I even went down and checked to make sure the door was locked. It was.

This went on for about fifteen minutes, and I tried my best to ignore it, because there was obviously nothing there at all. I don't, as a rule, get scared when things such as this happen. This was no exception, and I was more curious than anything, however I did feel very uneasy. I could tell something, whatever it was, was trying to get to me. I stayed calm, stood my ground, and waited for Sassy to come in. Once she did, I loved her up, gave her some cookies, and headed out.

We have a garage door opener as opposed to a front door key, so I went down both flights of stairs at the split level, and opened up the door to go out into the garage. I was holding the doorknob with my one hand to pull it shut, when I felt it be ripped out of my hand and fly back to slam the wall. I hadn't opened the garage door yet, therefore no wind was coming through. I quickly shut the door, opened the garage door, and left. I have to do this for two more days. I refuse to be scared, but like tonight, I won't go in the dark come hell or high water.

Oh, and did I mention that we figured out how to detach my mirror from the wiring on my car? It's drivable, just missing a mirror. Watch me get pulled over even though the guy who was losing parts to his truck as he drove will never get in trouble. I'm willing to take bets on that.

I came home and spent the next hour cleaning the kitchen. We recently had a shelf fall in our laundry room which is part of our kitchen, and can not seem to get it to stay back up, meaning all the stuff on that shelf was all over our counters and we could barely used them. I got everything organized, did a quick clean, and realized that took me the whole hour I was to be home, and I had to leave again. I still feel better that it's cleaned up though.

I left to get Greta, making a pit stop at Wallies to pick her up a special cookie for being a beautiful and brave girl. When I walked in to get her, I couldn't see her, but the second I said something she started whining. I was happy to be reunited with my little girl, and she looks awesome. She's almost naked, because I wanted her to have a summer cut so I didn't have to take her back in the next few weeks, but it's so cute on her and I will post pictures when I take them. What a superstar!!! Hollywood, here she comes!!!

On my way home, I had another FML moment which I will share, but not elaborate on, as I'm too upset.

Today, while driving home from the dog groomers with the dog in tow, a bunny jumped out in front of me. In fear of hurting my dog, whose head was out the window, I didn't slam on the breaks, but still frantically tried to stop. I hit the bunny, but stopped immediately after that. FML.

We got home, and I had to take Greta's little bandanna off so that no one would choke her with it. Her brother and sister barely recognized her, but they went off to play and she was careful to keep her little ear pom poms in. Then my mom came home, she ran up to her, wagged her tail, and proceeded to rip those babies right off her ears. She wanted her grandma to see first.

My mom started her job today, it is not what she was expecting, or what she was told it would be. They told her during the interview that she would be out of work by 11:30 at latest, now they're telling her it's going to be 12:30 or 1 in the morning. They also are telling her that she only gets paid up until the time she is scheduled, which is only to closing at 11. The rest of the time is closing and cleaning time and she will not get paid for that, or any other extra time she must take to clean, and she is not allowed to clean on her shift. I feel her quitting, and I understand it. She's at work, and she does not have to work after the time she is scheduled. They are illegal to schedule their employees till one time and then force them to stay later and clean, then not pay them because they're not technically scheduled. If she doesn't quit, she'll probably get fired for leaving when she's done on her schedule, and I don't blame her.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but does anyone agree with me that Nikki Reed, who plays Rosalie Hale in Twilight is so stunning in blond hair and very average looking, and not at all striking with dark hair? Dark hair is her natural color, but I adore her as a blond.

Random note: Finally got to check out the new Hey Monday video for How You Love Me Now. (I think I may have posted this as a previous song of the day, but if not, I shall let you all google it.) Not blown away, but I still really like the song.

Okay, this is all for this blog. (Finally, right.) I will proofread this tomorrow and then post it, because my side is killing me and I quite frankly just can't go on. I will also hopefully have awesome pictures for my next post, as well as a review of New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.

Current book: Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. This is book three in the "Twilight" saga.