Hiding Among the Rumba Dancers

"I'm over the drama of you, and that's something new." Nothing New by Ashlee Simpson-Wentz.

I promised to never write about you in this blog, but I had to. You will always make me smile when I think of you, even if you're only a fragment of what you used to be, could be. There's no light shimmering behind those quiet, careful eyes, but that comes with choices, and they were never mine to make. You're hollow behind your own heart, but you're whole all the same, you just haven't figured it out yet. Stark ravens crash into the night where love and laughter once was, where the rainbows were, so many different colors and all indicative of, and shining for you. There's invisible words written in red ink as a warning sign stating no vacancy. You've gotten me through this in so many ways, and you don't even know it.

I feel free for the first time in a long time. Free from myself. Free from everything that's been causing me to drown. I still have my health issues, but mentally and emotionally I feel pretty clear, pretty okay. After five long years, it feels really good to purge my demons. There's always going to be skeletons, but without the demons to fuel them, they can't really dance. They have no power.

There's days where I really have hope, and although yesterday nor today went as planned, I'm keeping my head high and staying positive. I really am trying to look at the big picture. When I get better, I can move to Vegas. I can't wait to move to Vegas. It's eye on the prize time, baby. A new life is the prize.

I got my tests results back from the sixteen that I had done for the endocrinologist. The only issues I'm having are my low Cortisol levels and low vitamin D levels. Apparently being vitamin D deficient can cause several problems. Maybe it's an answer, or maybe it will just make me feel a little better. I'll take anything. She's prescribing me a series of 50,000 IU, twice a week for eight weeks. I haven't heard back yet about the results of my Cortisol test, but I'm waiting, especially after how sick it made me. I should know soon.

I have a fabulous doctor, by the way. She actually took the time to write me out a letter explaining what was right and what was wrong with my tests, and then she also included my test results as well as the Vitamin D prescription. That takes a doctor that cares. I am lucky.

I currently have a headache because I was vigorously making window stickies out of the leading paint, and my neck popped. It didn't pop out. I actually think it was just a muscle shift, but ouch. Those darn window stickies always beat me up somehow. If they come out right, because sometimes they don't, and are cute, I shall take and post a picture of them on here. These are not the first ones I've made, as I've done winter ones too, but they are now packed away.

Right now, I find myself also very thankful for the weather. The last couple of days have been beautiful. Today wasn't supposed to be, but ended up being, and yesterday was magnificent.

I was hoping to get so much done yesterday because I knew it was going to be warm, but all I wanted to do was sleep. I'm always tired anyways, but I think I'm really down because of being sick all weekend. I slept a lot, but it wasn't a good sleep. I was out cold yesterday and I let myself sleep. I'm realizing more and more that if my body is begging for sleep like this, that, with as sick as I am, there's a reason. Sometimes I refuse my body sleep because I get angry and upset that I'm always so tired, but that's when I really end up getting sick. I'm giving in, because maybe it will curb some of my symptoms until we can fix this. Fingers crossed.

Waking up in good weather and being able to open the windows in March is always a good day. When you pair it with the cutest puppy in the world, Greta Hayley, it goes from good to magnificent. With my mom gone most of the morning, really allowing me to sleep, I was satisfied.

I was hoping to take Greta to the pet store yesterday for her belated birthday trip in which she has a coupon for. Yes, she is, for all intents and purposes, my kid and I'm damn proud. I was all kinds of ready to go when I got up, but my mom and I are sharing a car since the mirror is broken off of mine, and she wanted to wash her car first. By the time she was done, I crapped out on the idea, as by the time she got home and did so, it was starting to get dark. Just to be safe, I'd rather go during the day with a puppy in tow.

While my mom was washing her SUV, I was making calls to the doctors office. I initially had an appointment for an ultrasound scheduled for Friday, but there was a miscommunication in making the appointment. I wanted that appointment set up with my gastric emptying test, as I live over an hour away from the hospital, so to just go in during rush hour for an ultrasound seemed like a waste, even though I do need the ultrasound done. I was able to reschedule both the ultrasound and gastric bypass for next week, which worked out a lot better for me. This cuts me down to going up there twice in seven days instead of three times. It's all about efficiency. I'm up there so much already that I hate to go up when I don't have to and I can compact more in one day.

After appointments were made and my day was freed up Friday, I headed down to let my mom know what was going on. While down there, she mentioned Aunt Bev and how she was going to have to let her know not to worry about going with us on Friday. While we were talking about Aunt Bev, this led into a pretty epic win of a conversation, which is normal per talking with or about Aunt Bev.

Aunt Bev and her husband have been having some "issues" for a little while now, but she's living with it and just trying to make the best out of it. The other night she decided to talk to ask him if he would like her to start cooking again, as she likes to do it, but lately they've been eating out every day and it's costing them a good bit of money. Apparently this just made him all kinds of discombobulated, as he looked at her and asked her if she was trying to stress him out, and then proceeded to say that maybe he should just go and get a hotel room to stay in while she divorced him. All she wanted to know was if he wanted her to make dinner. Funny, but very, very weird. It makes you wonder, doesn't it?

After laughing and then scratching my head over that one, I made my way back up the house. It was so warm that I changed out of my pink cupcake birthday pajamas and into my Tinkerbell and cat ones. Yes, I went from being Cupcake Girl to Tinkerbell Cat Girl. Yes! Super weirdos unite!

I really was planning on doing something with my day, but that faded quickly. One reason I hate my mom being home all the time is that I never get anything done when she's here, and that goes both ways. I'm so used to her working ten hours a day for fifteen years and having the house to myself, especially because I was self home schooled, that it's really hard for us to have been stuffed together in a house every day, all the time, for the last year and a half. If one of us falters, we both do. It'll be nice to have her working again, as I've never been less productive as I am now, and I know that will change. She's supposed to start next week.

Once I got back to the living room and situated, she had made her place in front of the television and had just picked out a movie called The Fuller Brush Girl. It's circa 1950 with Lucille Ball of the famed I Love Lucy. I'm not a huge fan of slapstick, but the movie was definitely cute and really funny. Basically this couple gets caught up in a murder plot of mistaken identity and end up on this ship with the real killers. While trying to hide and get away from said real killers, the husband suggests that they go down to the cargo hold with all the South American cargo where they'll be safe. Lucille Ball immediately proceeds with "Great, we can hide among the Rumba dancers." I think that really needs to be a new hot phrase.

I'm finding myself quite fond of a lot of quotes from television shows, movies, and interviews. I thought of adding a "quote of the day" section to the blog, but I use so many quotes to begin with while writing, that it seems pointless to ruin the flow.

I had to pause here last night, because I had actually gone through and finished the entire post. I had pages of pages of links, wittiness, and my favorite post pretty much ever. Blogger claimed that it saved my post, so I hit publish. Not only did it fail when it went to publish, but when I got back in to "edit post" so that I could actually publish it, it only saved to this point, so it lied to me. I am not happy about this, and now I must re-write all five hours of everything I already had written and supposedly saved. I doubt this will be as long or as good. In fact, I already have forgotten half of the points I made while writing this, and Twitter can only get me so far.

I'm going to write from this point on just like I was before, speaking in yesterday and today, as if I were still writing this yesterday. I don't want to mess up the flow, so when I finish this, then I'll go on ahead and write a blog for today. It's all about continuity.

Blogger, I am still pissed at you. Five hours blogger...do you hear me?

After the movie was over, my mom and I got to talking about our neighbors to the right and the issues that they are causing. When we first moved here eleven and a half years ago, we had different neighbors, and although it took us all awhile to warm up to each other, we had a pretty perfect harmony going for ten years. We were happy, and then these people moved in about a year and a half ago. In order to really pound this point into the ground, there's a multitude of things you need to know.

First, our house sits on seven tenths of an acre that runs horizontally as opposed to vertically. This basically gave the people who built our house seven tenths of an acre to NOT screw up the placement of the house, but they did it anyway. Instead of setting the house nicely in the middle of the land, as it was the last house to go up on this particular part of the road, they set it about fifteen feet off of the border of the neighbor to our right's yard. Ya them. We will come back to this soon.

Second, there's the little issue of our neighbors to the left. When we first moved here, they were not our direct neighbors, yet the ones two over. The neighbors next to us have since sold their house, moved, someone else tore down their house, and then left the land empty, making our neighbors two over now our direct neighbors. I'm sorry that we live by them for several reasons, but I have to explain a few things before I can get to those reasons.

The people who actually own the house that's now to the left of us are a great, older couple. They would make the perfect neighbors except that they have an apartment above their attached garage in which they rent it out to other people.

The first group of renters were their youngest daughter who acted twelve, and her daughter who acted five, when both were much older. They were pretty disrespectful, and at one point I even tried to babysit her daughter only to realize that she was a twelve year old monster, and gave up. She was out of control and it was not worth the money. Beyond this, the mother got a boyfriend after several years, and when that happened all heck broke lose. The boyfriend believed that the land next to us that is vacant, was their land for him to work on cars on since the house is gone, it's flat, and he's a mechanic. This caused problems, not between us and them, but between the people who actually owned the land, and them.

When this escalated, the neighbors to the left in the rented apartment decided to get back at the people who owned the land and burn a truckload of mystery stuff on the land. The problem; it all came up into our house. We had to call the fire department to put it out as it spread to the vacant dry brush behind the house that spans for about twenty acres behind four different houses before reaching a wooded area. The fire department then had to put it out and air out not only our house, but several other houses. The people who owned the land got blamed and fined, and even though the people who owned the land are known for being a pain in the ass, I don't actually think it was their fault.

After the mother finally moved out, the daughter stayed behind, pregnant, with her boyfriend. She was about sixteen or seventeen at the time and her boyfriend proceeded to beat the crap out of her. They yelled a lot and I saw this happen once from the window. Because of the way our houses are situated, I was the only one who could have seen this happened. I thought about calling the police, but did not. Maybe this makes me a coward, but this was at a time when I was the only one home most of the time and was afraid that the boyfriend would come up here and cause issues.

Beyond that, with all the yelling that went down there, I knew that this was an ongoing problem. This girl was living in an apartment above her grandparents garage, when you break it down. They had to know this was going on. There was no way to miss it. If I can hear and see it, so could they, but they did nothing. If they weren't going to do anything, who was I to do something? I don't know the whole situation, so maybe what I was seeing was not really what it was. Either way, hitting a woman is never okay, ever. I don't care what the circumstances are.

The constant yelling became a little bit of an issue, and the worry of what the kid living next of us was capable of had me a little scared, but then they moved out and a whole other issue moved in, a worse issue.

The move happened almost two years ago. The kid who moved in is about my age, constantly has friends over, and is the loudest person in the history of annoying "adults." Life is like one big frat party, and he's an overgrown kid, as are the rest of his friends. There are a lot of times over the summer when he and his friends will be out at four and five in the morning screaming and yelling. We live far enough away that we should never have to hear them, but even with the windows closed, we can hear them verbatim. We've put up with it, but we have no idea why. We're stupid, apparently, and this summer I'm calling the cops for disturbance of the peace, because if I can't even live in my own house peacefully, how in the hell is this fair. Beyond that, I want to know why the people who own the house don't ever tell them to shut up. It's rude, and ultimately, if this turns into a big ordeal, the people who own the house will get in trouble to for letting this go on. It's just a whole lot of stupid.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that this kid who moved in is the one who is presumably stealing my wireless. Twat. Enough said.

Three, and here's when it gets complicated, the people move out to our right, and the new people move in. We then come to find out that, they way we understand, the man who lives to the right is related to the pain in the fucking ass kid who rents the apartment to the left. See where I'm going with this?

Four, if that wasn't enough of a relation, the woman who lives to the right is the older daughter of the people who live to the left. Oh yeah, it's like that.

Five, the people to the right have two young kids, ones in which like to scream and yell, and they do nothing about it. Nothing. I mean, I understand letting your kid play and what not, but two constant hours of screaming is totally unnecessary and not appreciated. Have some kind of respect. Respect me and I will respect you. Obviously there's not a whole lot of respect here.

Then, the other daughter of the people to the left, the younger one, will bring her daughter over who is probably around five by now, and it will scream with the older daughter's kids, and oh my gosh. After all these years of silence to the right, it's jarring.

Six, they have the most pain in the ass dog ever. Living to the right side of us means that obviously we're closest to them. Their dog doesn't like other dogs, and they don't bother to put it on a leash when outside, or watch it. They let it out and go back in the house. It barks, it runs everywhere, it's tried to attack us more than once in our own yard, and it's also dug holes and gotten INSIDE of our fence and decided to try to challenge our dogs. Their dog is little, ours are not, but that's not the point. The dog is mean and runs all over the place. We're sorry, but we don't really want their dog in our yard chasing us with teeth bared and growling. No, watch your damn dog.

Seven, I adore the man who lives to the right, but he owns a landscaping company. No big deal right? Except he decided that since he owns roughly ten acres of land, that he's going to turn it into his landscaping company. This means he's decided to dig all up behind his house and is constantly moving big equipment in and out, while also building a new driveway and several other things.

He has also proceeded to make a road behind our property, where the area used to be wooded and weeded, and move big equipment up and down it all the time. If there's not equipment constantly being moved, his kids are screaming and yelling up and down it. To make it worse, the road connects their property to the people to our left's property. All this is going on five feet off of our property, because apparently he couldn't be polite and put it back off our land a little further. Now, we can't do anything without them being right there behind our house, upsetting our dogs, screaming, being a pain, all the time. From what we know about county laws, the road isn't even legal, but is it worth the fight?

Eight, they have a shed in their garage and park outside, often getting up early, turning on their lights on to their cars that are facing our windows, and yell back and forth while cleaning off the cars from snow in the winter. If you're going to put a shed in your garage, doesn't that defeat the purpose of both? Just saying.

Nine, they have put up flood lights, all of which face right into my bedroom window. I don't know what they think they're lighting up, or what they're getting out of putting up floodlights that shine in my window, but whatever. These floodlights also happen to be illegal in this certain neighborhood, and I'm not sleeping in my room so I haven't said anything. Once I move back in, I'm going to have to, because with as bright as they are, even my blinds don't drown them out. I refuse to sleep in a bright room filled with light because the neighbors are stupid.

Okay, now that we know all of this, I will tell what I actually wanted to get at. There are fences that separate our property from our neighbors to our right since we're about fifteen feet off of their land, and that's being generous. The one fence separating the properties is our privacy fence, and then there's a small wire fence that the original owners of the house to the right put up, on our property.

When we first moved here there were no fences and the neighbors to our right thought our land was theirs because it was okay with the people who used to live in our house. Because we had dogs that we were tying outside at the time in wait to get a fence, this was not okay with us because they would antagonize and feed the dogs weird things. Not cool, so the fence went up for the dogs, then their fence went up on our land. Whatever.

My bedroom sits facing their property, meaning that my bedroom window is maybe fifteen feet away from their property. There is a shed to the left of my window and the privacy fence to the right, giving a window of about an eight to ten foot wide piece surrounding my window, that I have full view of their land, and them right in my window. This piece is also about twenty foot deep. This shouldn't be a big deal, but of course it has to be.

The neighbors have about two flat acres of land that they can set up all the kids stuff on and play on. The little piece that I can see of their yard from my window is not flat. It is a hill. Of course, this has to be the piece that they constantly play on. This not only makes no sense, but it makes it so that I can't even be in my room with my blinds up because they have to play RIGHT THERE. Why....go play on the FLAT piece of land on the other TWO acres. Gosh.

The story I was getting at was this; Tuesday I was in my room. I shut my blinds at night even though I'm not in there, and then open them when I get up to give Brendon the fish some light. Also, I like fresh light in my room because I'm a person, and people tend to be the opposite of vampires. I also wanted to open my window and let the fresh air in since it was a warm day.

I walked over and opened my curtains, only to be assaulted by two people who may have had three teeth between them, leaning up against the fence facing my window and yelling to the family and kids who were playing behind them. This makes sense to who, I'm not sure. The conversation was the typical inappropriate hillbilly backwoods talk, offensive, and not appreciated on top of it. I finally was chased out of my own room by them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that all hicks and hillbillies are missing teeth or loud and inappropriate. They are not. Around here however, we are high on hicks and hillbillies and low on brains, so I'm only going by what I'm personally seeing and not attempting to offend anyone.

I was however offended by them. First of all, there's two other acres of land, go there. Second, was it necessary to lean on the face, facing my window, and yell back to the everyone? If you would turn around towards the family and kids, you could speak in a normal volume. Third, was it really necessary to use such language around kids and around me, for the rest of the world to hear? On top of that, they were also harassing our dogs that were in our fence. Get a life elsewhere.

I've been chased out of my room because they play behind the house where my other window faces, and I've been chased out because the kids have to play right there instead of on the actual flat land on the property, but I will not be chased out by two people who don't even live there (I assume they are the husband's parents), and choose to lean against the fence and look in my window. No you creepers, that is not cool.

I was telling my mom about this, and since we're planning on moving anyway when I get better, this just really drives the freaking point home. No one's to say the neighbors in Vegas will be better, but cement walls...that's all I'm saying. I can't see you, you can't see me. Epic score. If we lived here for ten years with the same neighbors and never had an issue, then it can be done. These new people are just a pain in the ass and it's wrong.

After we were done talking, we realized that the neighbor man had been creeping the fence near where we were and probably heard what we said. I know I should feel bad, but when I said what I did to my mom, I left out a lot of things and was not as blunt. He needs to know that it's disturbing for them to scream and yell, and stare in my window, and also rude. Especially when there's two other acres of flat land that face no one's house.

After this long discussion, we headed back up the house, as we were in the garage looking for an old horse brush for Greta with absolutely no luck. Unfortunately coming back to the house meant getting sold on an episode of Becker, which meant getting nothing else done. However, this episode was an epic win in a lot of ways. A lot of Becker episodes rock, but this one took the cake and ate it too.

In this particular episode, Becker had told one of his patients that he was going to die based on lab work that he had gotten back, only to be told later that the lab messed up. When Becker called the man back in and explained the situation, the man was distraught because he had been living the last weeks like he only had two weeks to live. He was pissed he wasn't dying because he had caused all sorts of trouble. Becker asked him what he did, and one of his answers was "I sent a photocopy of my ass to the IRS." I want to do that! I wish I could do that. How many of us don't? If I only had two weeks to live, I would do that. How about you?

The night drug on with much to do about nothing, and I waited anxiously to see the new CSI: New York because Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz were going to be on. Now, I don't like CSI: NY. I find the characters deviod of personality and the whole show totally flat, especially compared to the original. I know that some people only watch CSI: NY and find the same to go for the original. It's what you get used to, but I decided to give the show another chance and watch this specific CSI, also hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would regain my hope in the show. Instead, it made me want to call up the writers and the network and ask them what the hell is wrong with them for airing such crap. (No offense to anyone who likes this show. It's a personal opinion, that's all.)

Every part of the show that Ashlee and Pete were in was shown online in previews and hype. They maybe got three minutes of face time combined. I was disappointed, especially considering that they were highly promoted as being the Bonnie and Clyde couple that the show revolved around. This was a huge lie. Granted, Pete is not a good actor, but he knows this, and Ashlee can be depending on the part, and this was not her part.

I was also disappointed after seeing Taylor Swift's part on the original. She was through out the entire show, getting a good amount of face time and being a key character. I guess I expected the same out of CSI: NY, but I got jipped. I made it fifteen minutes through the show and gave up. The plot was predictable, ripped from the original like most are, only more boring, more flat, and painful to watch. Again, the show disappointed me and I will not give it another chance. Boo!

I left CSI: NY on but did not really watch it unless I heard Pete or Ashlee, so after it was over the news came on and I didn't get up to turn it off. I often have the television going in front of me while I'm on the computer, and double task. This night was no exception.

During the news cast, the one anchor mentioned that Friday March 20, 2009 is "Won't You Be My Neighbor Day" in honor of Fred Rogers. I believe this is only taking place around here since here is Pittsburgh and he's from here, but I am unsure. The other anchor who was not reporting had quite the look on his face, so when the reporting one was done with his piece, he turned to the second anchor and said "You look like you wanted to burst into song." The other anchor who is a male replies with "I did, but then I realized I'm on live television, so I'm refraining." I love our newscasters!

I stayed up for awhile and hung out on my computer, and then fell into a great slumber with my wuppy by my side. Greta went to the bathroom right before bed, it was raining and when she came back in she was wet. Wet + puppy = wuppy. But the cutest one ever!

I woke up late today, as I have been. I try not to sleep so much, but when I don't I get sick and it's wholly frustrating, but I'm dealing. It was another terrifically nice day, and I had to take Leo the dog and Paramore and Anais (Monkey) the cats to the vet. The vet's office is about forty five minutes away and way up in the mountains, so it makes for a trip. We love our vet, so it makes it worth it. My vet is also a clone of Pete Wentz, I swear. They look alike, talk alike, and are the same age, only I'm unsure if Pete would make a good vet as he doesn't have the training. The only main difference between them is that our vet has dirty blonde hair and Pete does not. Other than that, one would think they were twins. This just adds to his awesome.

Most of the road we take to the vets are one lane each way, small roads. We got behind a guy part way there that could definitely be in the running for the worlds worst driver. He went way too slow, stopped when it was unnecessary, and still managed to swerve all over the road. Where was he going, you ask? Once we had followed him for about five miles he swerved his little car right on into the beer distributors, of course. I don't think beer was really what he needed. Driving lessons, maybe, beer, definitely not. Welcome to Western Pennsylvania.

While my mom and I were on our way up to the vets, we had to pass the idle time with useless conversation which consisted of talking about random videos / interviews that can be found online. Thank you internet. I was creeping the internet for interesting and funny ideas the night before, so I had much to talk about.

I happened across a video last night of Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump on The Ellen Degeneres Show. This was not just any clip, but one of them singing in the bathroom with her as part of her bathroom concert series. They sang Womanizer by Britney Spears (don't make me link this), but I'm thinking that "sang" is a strong word. Patrick, God bless him, could not remember the words, so he was reading them off of something while Ellen outsang him and Pete danced behind them. Okay, "danced." It was cute and a whole lot of funny. You can go to this link and search the video. Also, while you're there, be sure to search Katy Perry singing I Kissed A Girl in the bathroom with Ellen, and Pink singing in the bathroom with Ellen. Pink's is not only the best, but the funniest. She was laughing so hard that she started crying. Got to love her.

I need to show my mom these videos, since her computer is kind of a dinosaur and probably won't play them. Rawr dino, rawr.

The second set of videos we talked about were the CSI Blooper Reels that I came across. They consisted a whole lot of William Peterson falling down. I did not realize what a character he was in real life until seeing these videos. If he wasn't falling down, one of the camera men was. He seemed to be the only one who noticed and reacted, as anyone else in the scene just stood there and held their place, non moving. There was also a clip of George Eads "dancing" with a gun down a hallway around Marg Helgenberger. She tried to hold a straight face but eventually lost it. There was also another scene with the two of them where he did something way inappropriate and she also lost it there. I wondered why there weren't any vocal bloopers with him, but then remembered that he said he swears like a kid with Turrets when he messes up.

Upon watching these videos, I found videos of a group interview that the cast had done with the creator of CSI as well as the writers. It was a very informative video and I learned a lot about the show. I also learned just how funny most of the cast and crew seem to be.

One of the videos consisted of Anthony Zuiker, the creator of the show, discussing how he came about the concept of CSI. He explained that one night he couldn't get his wife's attention, as she was sucked into a real life crime show. He sat down to watch it with her only to be sucked in as well. He began to wonder how a fictionalized show based on what CSI's do would fair on television, so he called up his friend who worked on graveyard shift as a Vegas CSI and asked if he could ride along with him. The friend agreed and he went out to Vegas, and a show was born. He also goes on to explain that while he was out there, his friend was up for forty eight hours straight, was living off of coffee, and shaking from it. His friend came up to him, coffee eyed, and held out a piece of tape exclaiming "I got a partial print on some duct tape." If you can't watch this video and laugh, then what can you laugh at? The way he imitated his friend was priceless.

There was also a discussion about how rigorous their shooting schedule is, and how, by March, they end up finishing episodes on Tuesday that are to air the following Thursday. This sparked a whole new conversation, in which William Peterson stated "Yeah, and if it wasn't for the basketball playoffs (March Madness) coming up on CBS, we'd be (in the tank.)" One of the other crew members pipes in over him with "LIVE!" William retorted with "we'd be standing up, live television, improvising, you know, routines. Paul would be provocative." Someone else chimes in with "There'd be a dead body in the middle of the floor and everyone would just be circling it, and it'd be PR." to which William adds "we'd just have our microscope." I have to admit, that'd be pretty funny to watch. The show would suddenly turn into a comedy without meaning to.

Within the schedule they have, they also said they also forget sometimes what episode they are doing, or totally lose their lines inside their own head. The words they have to say are tough, and the schedule is confusing. William admitted to writing down his lines on the clipboard he always carries around, or putting them near the monitor somewhere so he can read them. They don't show the person who says this, but I believe it is Paul (Guilfoyle, who plays Captain Brass) or George Eads (it sounds like Paul, except with an accent, and George is the only one with an accent, so if someone can clear this up for me, that'd be awesome.) that says "I'm just waiting for him to tape them to my back in a walk and talk." This makes me wonder that, if William would do that, would said person really ever know if he was sneaky about it? Hmm. Idea? I think so!

The question also arose about what made George Eads take the part of sensitive Nick Stokes. He replied with "I just wanted to pack heat. Do I get a gun? I'm in." The crew bust out laughing but most of the the cast did not. I wonder if he says this all the time and they're sick of hearing it and hope his gun is not loaded. I think it's pretty funny.

We finally made it to the vets and I'm happy to report that the kids are good. Next month Greta has to go for her one year shots. Poor baby.

There wasn't much to report for the rest of the day really. I got home and worked on making some window stickies, and then my mom turned on The Millionaire Matchmaker. I know that I mentioned this show in the last blog, but I'm bringing it up again for several reasons.

Last year there was a guy on the show named Dave, who liked to be referred to as Sex Toy Dave since he sold sex toys. He ultimately decided that he could find better girls on his own and left the service only to come back for Patti's help. While Patti was telling her staff this, her guy staff member ended up mumbling in a slightly disgruntled manner, "Oh, STD." I lost it. I had never taken the time to sit down and think out the initials within Sex Toy Dave. His name is Dave, he sells sex toys, prefers to be referred to in that way, and totally had that coming. I love when people inadvertently come up with shit that is just hilarious and they don't even know it.

STD is much like Brendon Urie's hair. (Let's just tell it like it is, he's the only one with hair in thie picture.) It's hilarious and he did it to himself. Sorry Brendon. If you like that look, that's all that matters, but you just took away all the sexy, man. However, you make an awesome visual image when I'm trying to get a point across, so thanks.

Also, in this same episode Patti had to deal with the millionairess from hell. Patti specializes in finding woman for millionaires but will take millionairess'. She was not prepared for this lady. This particular lady was a superficialist when she was not at all that hot and in her late forties. She would not accept a guy older than twenty nine, and he had to be a solid ten or she wasn't interested. She admitted that if he had looks, no matter how he acted, that was okay with her. The whole situation was just bad.

I know that I've commented before about how Patti often sets up men with woman half their age and it's creepy, but more so in an emotional way, as the guys are nerdy fuddy duddies with these happening twenty something's. This woman expected the exact same that the men did, but she picked people apart to itty bitty pieces, and thought she was perfect. This made me wonder if she wasn't someone I know's, who we will call QS for Queen of Superficiality, long lost relative.

QS has a habit of thinking she's pretty perfect, and a lot of girls hate her for this, but not because they are jealous, trust me. One time she told me that I needed her to help me lose weight because I was a "big girl." Okay, let's lay this all out on the line right now. I am not the smallest girl in the world, I'm not toned, and I am not perfect. I am 5'5 and weigh 120, putting me in anywhere from a size five to seven clothing in juniors, not woman's, juniors. That hardly qualifies as being a big girl. Yes, I would like to lose some weight and tone up for the simple reason that I am not happy in my own skin all of the time, because this is the most I've ever weighed, and I need to be happy. I am by no means saying that anyone my size is a big girl or anywhere near that, because that is simply not true at all. I have also not lost weight and gained it due to being sick. This is a me thing, it's my own fault and I know that, so I don't complain about it, but it's also not an excuse. When I do feel better and can work out, I plan on toning up and losing about eight pounds, no more. If I don't get back into shape then, it's my own damn fault, but I want to appreciate my own body and be healthy.

Let's also be honest in saying that even though QS is taller than me, she weights twenty five pounds more than me, placing her as being built very similar to myself, so she really didn't have a lot of room to talk. She still thinks she's perfect and defends herself when not asked to, as to why she weighs what she does. Her reason? When she was dating this one boy (several boys ago) he thought that she was just too hot for him, so she was forced to gain weight so that they were at the same level. Oh my god, give me a fucking break on like a hundred different levels. First of all, if a man can't appreciate you for who you are, then don't date him. Dump his ass and tell him where to stick it and what to do with his own hand. Second, I've never met a guy who begged a girl to gain weight because she was just too hot for him. When that happens, hell will freeze over. Third, oh my it must be hard being that hot. *Sarcasm* Get over yourself and grow up.

She, much like the millionairess, also tends to only pick guys based on looks. She's so into looks that she can't see around anything else. If the guy is great and could make you happy, I think he's worth a try, whereas she does not. Instead, she picks guys who mentally fuck with her and then comes back and complains about them when it's her own damn fault because she's going for looks, not personality, and then wonders how she ends up in these situations. She also tends to be racist, which drives me nuts. People are people, period. If you want to be racist, go ahead, that's your prerogative, but it's also mine to not want to hold the company of those who are, as it's not the kind of life I want to lead.

I've learned that people like this are completely insecure. We all have bad days, but there's a time when you just have to grow up, suck it up, realize you're not perfect and never will be, but that's what makes things so perfect. The guy you date will never be perfect, you will never be perfect, but it's never going to be about being perfect. It's going to be about what works. It's never going to be about having the Hollywood standard body, but being healthy and comfortable in your own skin.

So if you want to not eat and then work out constantly (because I know you do this and it is dangerous. Not eating in itself is dangerous, and pairing it with working out is horrible.) then you go right on ahead. I will continue to eat and not purposely make myself unhealthy. Working out is commendable, but not when you're not eating. If you have that many issues with your body then get help so that you can accept yourself. You must not find yourself very beautiful on the inside to be so caught up in how you look on the outside. Looks are not everything. There are some girls suffering with real problems and you are not one of them. You are simply superficial and it's tiring.

Although I'm on the fence about keeping what I wrote, I think a lot of girls can and should learn from it. If this comes back to bite me in my ass, then it does. Say what you want about me, but I know who I am. I know that I'm not perfect and there's nothing you can say bad about me that's not true, and I don't already know. I'm a hot mess, but I know that and I'm okay with that because I'm happy with who I am. I'm secure with being a mess, and I'm working everyday to fix the little things that I know I have issues with, so attack if you must, but you won't break my skin. These are things I know, and not being perfect is one thing that I definitely am.

While I was watching Bravo, I was also reminded of something I read about last night. There's another show I watch on Bravo that I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with, called Project Runway. Last year I was a fan of Kenley Collins and think that she was robbed of the title. I know a lot of people thought she had an attitude, but I saw a girl who really believed in what she was doing and stood up for it. She had a lot of talent and she was unique. I really appreciate people like that.

I ended up reading online that she was arrested sometime this week for a fight with her boyfriend. Apparently she threw three apples, a laptop, and a cat at him. I give her a ten for creativity, but really, a cat? Now, I can't really comment on the situation, as I don't know it, however, I really hope this all comes out in the wash and works out for the two of them. I thought this was pretty interesting.

I have the headache from hell from making window stickies, so I need to go get a bath. I will leave you with two songs, one from today and one from yesterday. After all of that, I will then cuddle up with Greta Hayley, my little star.

Song for yesterday: Endless Summer by Ashlee Simpson-Wentz. (The video includes scenes from the show "Instant Star," which I've mentioned in previous posts and was not made by me.) This was a bonus track off of her first album Autobiography. It was hard to find in the US unless you found it online. I spent a whole day with two lines of this song stuck in my head until I finally figured out what song it was, thus why it's the song of yesterday.

Song for today: Already Gone by Sugarland off of their third album Love On the Inside. I chose this song because I have the images from the music video stuck in my head and they are beautiful. Enjoy.

I also have no new inspirations currently and am still reading the same book. When that changes I will let you know. However, I'd like to point this out because it's pretty fucking rad. Thanks Keltie, you rock!

Please note, it took me two days to proofread this but I have success. Yes!