Chicken Revenge Is NSFC

Hi, Squirrel Monkeys. Let's not talk about my health today. I spent nearly seven hours at the hospital, and I just don't want to go there. So let me regal you with a few tales that have nothing to do with each other, and some IMs, because that's all I have right now.

* My mom got bored the other day and started flipping through PPV channels and reading off the names of porn movies. If I never hear my mother say "busty blonde babes" again, it will be too soon.

* When this phase ended, she moved to the Polka Channel. Yeah folks, we actually get that. This is what we pay for. Actually, it's the most hysterical channel I've watched in my life. Picture it, women in country garb suited only for polka dancing, men with porn staches, and everyone looking like they came right out of the seventies. Oh, and did I mention most of them can't polka? Seriously, side splitting laughter occurs when we watch this channel.

* I think the issues with Bloglovin' have been fixed. (I hope.) I spoke with someone, and basically what I found out is that, when you have no followers on their site, they update your blog on their site when they see fit. They don't have your blog on any kind of feed so it automatically updates when you update. They physically do it whenever they want. I wrote them and asked them to take my blog off of their site, because I like to control when I update my blog, and I didn't think it was right that they could choose to put my updates on their site as they wanted. That's why I don't want involved in a network; my blog no longer becomes mine if they're updating it when they want, making it look like I don't blog often. I never received a response, so I looked today and saw my blog was magically updated on their site. I promise I wasn't trying to be a bitch, I just didn't like that my blog looked like it wasn't being updated because they were updating it on their site when they wanted. Hopefully this completely solves the problem, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time and effort to address the issue. So I guess, follow me on Bloglovin?

* There's a show on at prime time on the History Channel called American Pickers. It's two middle aged men driving around the country, going through people's junk, and seeing if they can resale it. Here's a few quotes from a recent episode, via the two stars of the show.

Skinny middle aged guy to round middle aged guy: “It’s kind of like you on a Saturday night...untouched.”

Same guy to same other guy: “I’m going behind you. Don’t fart.”

Skinny middle aged guy: “I was watching The Hills last night, and Lauren’s not even on there anymore.”
Round middle aged guy: “What’s The Hills?”
Skinny middle aged guy: “You don’t know what The Hills is? Lauren stole AMERICA’S HEARTS!”

Did I mention this show was on the HISTORY Channel? At prime time? Just checking.

Because I don't have a whole lot more to say due to the situation with my head, here are some extra special IMs with ridiculous pictures. I apologize for this in advance, because I was not myself the night these conversations occurred. I was trying to ignore my splitting head and overcompensated with stupid. And no jokes about them finally checking out my head to see if I'm crazy. We already know that. We're just looking for a blood clot now.

- There is nothing we do better than chicken revenge.

Awesome Australian Friend mentioned she didn't eat meat, but she hates chickens, so she eats them. She feels bad eating cows, but not chickens, because chickens are evil. I agree with this fully.

- Okay, I have a question.
- An awkward, dead end question.

- From the night of the awkward crazy.

- Howdy snoody.
- I admit I failed at being creative there.

- We should stick our tongues out at them in a mature manner.
- See what I did there? Total oxymoron.

- I always want to call it “Valley of the Dolls,” and I always know that’s not right.
- It’s as wrong as letting Squeaky Fromme out of prison.

This still irks me, y'all. I mean, she tried to kill the President of the United States AND was a member of The Manson Family. How does letting her out of prison ever seem like a good idea? Maybe those people need their heads scanned...and not for blood clots. For crazy.

- Do you think Jim Beaver would adopt me if I asked?

What? I love Jim Beaver. And then he went and put the most epic status ever on Facebook about keeping it classy in the bathtub, and I can't remember the whole thing, but I want him to adopt me. Now.

- “If only I could make that stupid human understand that I really hate when they wear that shirt, because it’s not cuddly.”

This is what Awesome Australian Friend and I imagined our cats really think of us. This is what we imagine they say to each other about we humans. If anyone speaks cat, please get in touch with me so you can confirm or deny this sentence.

- Then there’s our cat who will play with anything. He doesn’t need toys. There’s a bug in the house.

Well, at least we have less bugs to kill and clean up. He eats them, too. I know, I should really do something about that. *Sigh*

- OMG JOE AN DA CAT!

That was the original IM, typo included. I couldn't bring myself to fix such stupidity. Am I the only one who didn't take Joe Mantegna for the kind of man who owned a cat, far more dressed one up? His beautiful daughter, Gia, was Miss Golden Globe this year, and I feel a little bad for her that she can't bring people to her house, because then she'd have to explain that her dad dresses up his cats. I think Joe is the bee's knees for this.

- OMG, IS HE WEARING SLIPPERS? HE’S WEARING HUGH HEFFNER SLIPPERS, ISN’T HE?

Hint, the answer is yes. No, his socks don't match either, and he's wearing an ascot? I don't even know for sure that's not just a handkerchief that he's trying to pass off as an ascot. None of those things are important. I'm used to that. This was the first time I've seen him not wearing shoes, though, so obviously that's the important thing. Don't even get me started on Kirsten. Why is it that only one person in this entire cast can dress themselves? *Cough* Joe *Cough*

- I have a heart condition over here and I don’t know if I can take it.

- My way of helping goes over well out here in the East.

- The mom in me would just explode all over that situation.

- His parents are evil and I love them!

There is a guy who is famous in Australia. His name is Boo Boo. I love his evil genius parents.

- Sell me?
- For a dollar.
- Wait, no.
- Pay someone to take me.

- It’s official, my life is dead. I have not one.

- Someone out there has to know, and I’M GOING TO FIND OUT WHO!

- I am so sorry that I’m so weird.
- I forgot to take one of my medications.

In all my headache hell, I really did forget to take one. None of them alter my moods, so I had no leg to stand on here, but let's pretend I do. Otherwise, I can't explain myself.

- There is something wrong with that boy.

- OMG, if you could see me, I’m in this little ball laughing.

- You’ll hear me singing songs about farting unicorns or something.

- About cheese!

All I wanted to know was, why in the hell was I this excited about cheese? Is there ever a reason for this...especially when you're not eating cheese?

- Let’s pretend we’re British.
- And spell things funny because we’re British.

Zoe, do you think we Americans spell things funny?

- And did you hit that door last night, or did he jump out and hit you?
- Dear.
- DEER!
- DAMN ITTTT!

- I’m sorry a deer jumped out at you and went SURPRISE!

A deer jumped out and hit my friend's car one time. No lie. In this case, however, it was a joint effort. The deer did jump out in front of her (different friend), and she couldn't get stopped in time. It was the deer's fault, but she still technically hit him. He didn't jump right out onto her car like one did to my other friend. And in both cases the people and the deer were fine. The cars? Not so much.

- You know what gets me? They can send men to the moon, but we can’t get boyfriends.

- I mean, I’m at the point where I’m impressed when a man can do laundry.
- I’m so impressed, it doesn’t even have to be right.

- And he doesn’t expect anything out of you.
- Like you to have friends who can type at a sixth grade level or above.

If he did, he'd run fleeing from said friend I was talking to and it'd be all my fault.

- Or a NSFC (Not safe for Cassadee) warning.