I'm Sorry For This Post In Advance

Today, right now, I am running a fever and having issues with my blood sugar. Naturally, this is the perfect time to write a blog. I'm totally coherent, mind you (or maybe not, since I just said mind you), and I know the stupid crap I think while I'm slightly delirious and waiting for my mom to arrive with what I need to balance out my blood sugar. So while I'm coherent, or maybe not so much since I also mentioned I'm delirious, I shall go ahead and write a post that will make you all think I'm one of three things.

1. Drunk. But remember, I don't drink. This post may not convince you of that.

2. I've finally managed to accidentally take two of my pills instead of one, because I forgot I took one and then took another one and now I'm clinically insane. Squirrel Monkeys, I'm on amitriptylin for little shaking spells that are like seizures, but aren't actually seizures, and are a side effect from my auto immune issues that also happen to occasionally upset my nervous system and send it into a frenzy, where I shake like I'm either badly dancing, or having a seizure. Did everyone follow that? And if you've ever seen me dance, you'd know I look like I'm having a seizure, so I can see where it would be confusing to someone as to which I'm actually doing. Anyway, these pills can also be used for depression, so if you accidentally take too many of them you start acting like Elle Woods on crack. Nobody wants that.

3. I actually do have a fever and am suffering from low blood sugar, but am not smart enough to not write a blog during this time, making me clinically insane.

Or all three. But I promise it's not all three. So while I'm in a mood rendering me nostalgic for disaster, let's talk about all the thoughts I've had in the last twenty minutes.

* While watching Dr. Phil: Does this lady know who she's married to, or does she like to change his name sporatically So far she's called him Lawrence and Lourdes. Lourdes is Madonna's daughter, not her husband. Dr. Phil says his name is Lawrence, but sometimes it really sounds like she says Lourdes and sounds nothing like Lawrence. I wonder if that's what brought them on the Dr. Phil show. She's accusing him of abuse, he's accusing her of abuse, but maybe she just called him the wrong name one too many times and he finally lost it and yelled at her, and then she got confused and realized Lourdes is her lover and Lawrence is her husband and tried to hit him over the head so that he would forget she said that, and then he beat her up, so they're both abusers. Where is my mommy when I need her to take the TV remote away from me?

* We're going to have such fun at Greta Hayley's birthday party that I am meticulously planning. Wait, she's a dog, she won't know...yes she will. She will. She'll know that Helena and Leo had their own parties and she didn't, and she'll turn on me and never sleep in my room again, and she won't hug me and treats won't make up for it and...maybe I should check myself into a sanitarium. OOH, look...something SHINY!

* Congrats, friends of Natalee Holloway. You've managed to bring up more questions than answers in your article you did for Glamour. First, you say you were good friends and with her the whole time in Aruba, then the one girl says she didn't go to Aruba, then the first girl says she wasn't with Natalee the night she went missing, then the article goes on to explain a totally different story about her disappearance, as told by these two girls, than the media reported and now I'm confused as to what actually happened to her when I was oh so familiar with her case. Oh, look at that run on sentence. I wonder if I can win an award for it. Maybe a stupid award. Maybe a "most words in a sentence" award. They have those, right?

* Tehehe, Dr. Phil has kids. He BRED. Tehehe!

* Does Barefoot Contessa really cook barefoot? Wait, she is a chef, right? And a girl? Crap, I know nothing about Barefoot Contessa.

* Pretty kitty.

* Pretty puppy.

* SANTAAA! I'VE MISSED YOU SANTA! Oh wait, you were there on the window and I need to take you down because it's past Christmas. Damn you, Santa! Don't get pushy with me! *Mumbles to Greta in a Miley Cyrus voice* Santa's getting sassy with me. Saying Santa is sassy makes him sound gay. *Collapses in fit of giggles*

* I know I shouldn't think this is funny, but the dog tripped over his own feet. Over.his.own.feet! He's a dog. Now he's looking at me like I'm maniac. Oh no, he's large. He could take me. *Laughs into my cupcake pajamas*

* They're using big words on Dr. Phil.

* Hey, Helena stuck her tongue out at me. Don't stick your tongue out at me, Helena. *Does it back*

Okay, guys, I think I've disturbed you enough for one day. That is all.