Hello, Squirrel Monkeys! I’m sorry I didn’t blog last night. Trust me when I say you wouldn’t have wanted me to blog last night. I was tired, I was sore from the chiropractor, and I was fully aware that even I didn’t understand half of the things I was saying. I’m also aware that’s an oxymoron, but I’m sure that’s also my middle name, so it’s fine.
Because somehow I don’t think all of you believe me and are sitting there going, but Cassadee, we’re used to you being weird, I shall share some conversation pieces from last night so that you can see this was a whole different kind of weird. You’ll find a whole new appreciation for me skipping a night of blogging. And even if you don’t, this post contains Aunt Bev stories, so you’ll get over it after reading them.
Yes, Squirrel Monkeys, those two messages went together. Don’t ask how. Explaining it won’t make it make sense.
I can’t explain that one either. It’s not that I could and I don’t want to, I just can’t.
You can’t deny this statement is true.
I think by now you all know my penchant for weddings and searching wedding dresses. I have so many I would share with you guys that I love, but I don’t know if there’s a point to it. There’s not a point to most of the things I do, but I think there’s even less of a point to this.
Because my friends and I can’t ever type, every time we miss a letter in a word, we conclude it isn’t us. The letter is merely off having letter sex with another missing letter. And if there is no other missing letter, with us, there will be one soon enough.
I did do this before I got sick. I’m so sorry I lied. I’m also a little sorry I admitted that.
I think at this point the lol was just insulting.
This was meant in excitement, not in observation or judgment. You’re rethinking your initial feeling about me not writing last night, aren’t you?
Minds out of the gutter. Gees you guys have dirty minds! Oh, it's me with the dirty mind? You're probably right.
That’s certainly not how I would have ended up on said aforementioned date that I’ve never been on but was wondering how I’d get on.
No idea how those went together last night, but apparently they did. I also can’t figure out what I was talking about that moms don’t like.
Here’s my exact thoughts on that: ?????? First of all, I’m straight. Second of all, I have no idea what I was referring to or why. Third of all, ???
Who has no concept of time? *Raises hand*
See, you’re welcome.
Now let’s talk about Aunt Bev. You wanted her, you got her. Yesterday, we all had chiropractor appointments at the same chiropractor, because we’re really chummy like that. My mom had to work before and after and I still don’t have my car back yet, so Aunt Bev picked me up, took me to the chiropractor, took me out to eat and then took me home. Aunt Bev is awesome like that and I appreciate it.
My mom and myself have been going to the same chiropractor for around six years, from the time since she had just opened, and we brought Bev to her, too. That part isn’t important, but what is important is that, for most of the duration of this time, our chiropractor’s sister has been her receptionist. We’ve gotten to know them well and they automatically know who we are when we call, and we talk about totally random, non chiropractic related stuff. Her sister and I have had many conversations about men, and I swear we’re related because we have the same thoughts. I love these girls. So when we found out the sister was leaving, we were disappointed and extremely confused because we always related the two of them to the practice, instead of just the chiropractor.
I told the sister that we were going to stalk her because we were going to miss her so much. But it was okay because we would get hungry approximately five minutes into stalking her and that would be the end of it. Aunt Bev’s response?
“Speak for yourself.”
It would be important to point out that Aunt Bev is usually the first one to ask us if we want to go out to eat. That being said, she’d probably be the only one who would think to bring food while we stalked, that way we wouldn't have to stop stalking for food, therefore permanently giving up.
As we were leaving, a nice lady held the door for us. We thanked her, and in return she says, “Ladies, watch out for potholes and assholes.” I think she needs her own TV show.
When we sat down to eat, we decided to talk about a subject that obviously excites every human being in the world. We talked about laundry. Yes, I am at that age where having conversations about when it’s best to use fabric softener, and the ins and outs of regular bleach versus color safe bleach is intriguing and takes up a half an hour in conversation time. However, my brand new penchant for laundry excitement wasn’t for not. Aunt Bev had a story.
Her brother has been self sufficient for around thirty-five or forty years now. He cooks, he cleans and he does his own laundry. She was left to assume this meant he actually knew how to do these things. One day while she and my mom were at Aunt Bev’s mom’s house cleaning it out a few years back, he came over to do his laundry since he went to the laundromat and the washer and drier were still there. This is when they learned better about his laundry skills.
Her brother took everything he had, whites, blacks, flannels, socks, shirts, pants, the whole deal, and he threw it all in the washer at one time. When he pulled everything out, there were various color lints on the whites, and they thought it couldn’t get worse. Then, instead of throwing all the clothes in the dryer, he decided to air dry some of them since it was a warm day. His idea of airing them out was to take them out in a ball, and then just throw them over the clothes line in a ball. He may still be trying to dry those clothes. That was two and a half years ago.
But the moral of the story is, at least he does his own laundry. Most guys won’t. He’s ahead of the game. With guys, you don’t worry about the preciseness of which they do the task, just that they actually do it.
When we had finished our meal and our conversation about exciting things such as laundry, she graciously paid for our meal, as she’s always gracious enough to do and I appreciate greatly. This time, though, she couldn’t find the card she wanted. What commenced can only be subscribed as the most massive credit card search within one wallet in the history of woman’s purses. With the epic search came an epic story about paying her credit card bill, but not really paying it, and then having to pay it another way. Then she and the waitress got into a conversation about the rates American Express takes from businesses. And in the three minutes it took her to figure out she didn’t have that card and find a new one, I had learned more about credit cards than I have in the past twenty five years. It just goes to prove that hanging out with Aunt Bev isn’t only fun, but educational, too.
Today was football day. I’ve mentioned this nine hundred times and I’m sure I'll mention it more. When it comes to football here, the news forgets about people doing really non important things like, oh, getting shot, dying and going missing. The only thing that is important here is football, football, football. Now that the Steelers are in the playoffs and them losing means we get to hear actual news, we root for the other team. We have less team spirit than Ben Stein has excitement in his voice.
The only thing exciting about today, to be honest, is that my mom got an email from work regarding their meeting on Monday. It was from her boss. It was typed up exactly like this, only with the person’s name.
*Insert person here* will be at the office on Monday and she’s bringing FOOD!
I really think the only part of the email that wasn’t negligent to him was the food part. I love her boss. He knows what’s important in the real estate business.
I did, however, just hear a phrase that will go down as epic in my mind. “We’re on it like a duck on a June bug.” I must see this.
The lovely Miss Zoe commented on the last post (Thank you!) that I need to take pictures of my animals with name tags, because she couldn’t remember them all. I thought it was such a grand idea that I did just that, so consider this your official guide to Cassadee’s four-footed friends. If you're having issues reading their names, just click on the picture to enlarge them. Also, two of them have the names photo shopped on because the gosh darn flash on the camera caused them to disappear.
P.S. Zoe - I miss those days, too!
Everyone, please check out Zoe’s blog. Not only is it awesome on its own, but she also posted our instant message adventures. I promise you will love it there and she will make you feel right at home.
Because somehow I don’t think all of you believe me and are sitting there going, but Cassadee, we’re used to you being weird, I shall share some conversation pieces from last night so that you can see this was a whole different kind of weird. You’ll find a whole new appreciation for me skipping a night of blogging. And even if you don’t, this post contains Aunt Bev stories, so you’ll get over it after reading them.
- Killed me.
- Dead.
- Splat.
- Dead.
- Splat.
- First of all, I so needed a laugh. Second, I don't think that girl was, you know, hanging out with him per say. I think she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time
- And I can't hit a bowling pin unless I have bumpers.
- And I can't hit a bowling pin unless I have bumpers.
Yes, Squirrel Monkeys, those two messages went together. Don’t ask how. Explaining it won’t make it make sense.
- Ahaha, I think I love that girl.
I can’t explain that one either. It’s not that I could and I don’t want to, I just can’t.
- The fact that Matthew can pick out and buy himself the most unflattering glasses in the world when he has such a cute face can only mean one thing; he's trying to beat out Brendon Urie for the title of cutest guy with the most unflattering glasses.
You can’t deny this statement is true.
- And you know what makes me happy...looking at wedding dresses.
- I’m going to look at wedding dresses.
- Online, of course
- Because I'll never have a reason to do this in real life.
- I’m going to look at wedding dresses.
- Online, of course
- Because I'll never have a reason to do this in real life.
I think by now you all know my penchant for weddings and searching wedding dresses. I have so many I would share with you guys that I love, but I don’t know if there’s a point to it. There’s not a point to most of the things I do, but I think there’s even less of a point to this.
- H is having letter sex.
Because my friends and I can’t ever type, every time we miss a letter in a word, we conclude it isn’t us. The letter is merely off having letter sex with another missing letter. And if there is no other missing letter, with us, there will be one soon enough.
- So between the two of us, we'd get nothing done and probably get arrested.
- You know what my fav thing to do is... I walk around the house narrating what my animals do in an operatic voice. Look, I didn't do this before I got sick. I'm just bored...and okay with it.
I did do this before I got sick. I’m so sorry I lied. I’m also a little sorry I admitted that.
- He has an unusually large head, lol.
I think at this point the lol was just insulting.
- Troll and picture.
- Two words that should never go together.
- HE’S SO WEIRD!
- Two words that should never go together.
- HE’S SO WEIRD!
This was meant in excitement, not in observation or judgment. You’re rethinking your initial feeling about me not writing last night, aren’t you?
- I wonder if our logic works in real life.
- The better question is, how would I end up with a date in the first place?
- Maybe it’s internet nap day and no one told us.
- I think the better question is, what won’t we do with ourselves?
- The better question is, how would I end up with a date in the first place?
- Maybe it’s internet nap day and no one told us.
- I think the better question is, what won’t we do with ourselves?
Minds out of the gutter. Gees you guys have dirty minds! Oh, it's me with the dirty mind? You're probably right.
- I like funny quotes, long walks on the beach, and cats that don’t snore.
That’s certainly not how I would have ended up on said aforementioned date that I’ve never been on but was wondering how I’d get on.
- Lmao, Moms don’t get it.
- Interesting fashion choice.
- Interesting fashion choice.
No idea how those went together last night, but apparently they did. I also can’t figure out what I was talking about that moms don’t like.
- Okay, I have to be a perverted lesbian here for a second.
Here’s my exact thoughts on that: ?????? First of all, I’m straight. Second of all, I have no idea what I was referring to or why. Third of all, ???
- I’ll just be like, let’s get together once a month for an hour.
- That will be enough of you for a week.
- That will be enough of you for a week.
Who has no concept of time? *Raises hand*
- They lost fake mice.
See, you’re welcome.
Now let’s talk about Aunt Bev. You wanted her, you got her. Yesterday, we all had chiropractor appointments at the same chiropractor, because we’re really chummy like that. My mom had to work before and after and I still don’t have my car back yet, so Aunt Bev picked me up, took me to the chiropractor, took me out to eat and then took me home. Aunt Bev is awesome like that and I appreciate it.
My mom and myself have been going to the same chiropractor for around six years, from the time since she had just opened, and we brought Bev to her, too. That part isn’t important, but what is important is that, for most of the duration of this time, our chiropractor’s sister has been her receptionist. We’ve gotten to know them well and they automatically know who we are when we call, and we talk about totally random, non chiropractic related stuff. Her sister and I have had many conversations about men, and I swear we’re related because we have the same thoughts. I love these girls. So when we found out the sister was leaving, we were disappointed and extremely confused because we always related the two of them to the practice, instead of just the chiropractor.
I told the sister that we were going to stalk her because we were going to miss her so much. But it was okay because we would get hungry approximately five minutes into stalking her and that would be the end of it. Aunt Bev’s response?
“Speak for yourself.”
It would be important to point out that Aunt Bev is usually the first one to ask us if we want to go out to eat. That being said, she’d probably be the only one who would think to bring food while we stalked, that way we wouldn't have to stop stalking for food, therefore permanently giving up.
As we were leaving, a nice lady held the door for us. We thanked her, and in return she says, “Ladies, watch out for potholes and assholes.” I think she needs her own TV show.
When we sat down to eat, we decided to talk about a subject that obviously excites every human being in the world. We talked about laundry. Yes, I am at that age where having conversations about when it’s best to use fabric softener, and the ins and outs of regular bleach versus color safe bleach is intriguing and takes up a half an hour in conversation time. However, my brand new penchant for laundry excitement wasn’t for not. Aunt Bev had a story.
Her brother has been self sufficient for around thirty-five or forty years now. He cooks, he cleans and he does his own laundry. She was left to assume this meant he actually knew how to do these things. One day while she and my mom were at Aunt Bev’s mom’s house cleaning it out a few years back, he came over to do his laundry since he went to the laundromat and the washer and drier were still there. This is when they learned better about his laundry skills.
Her brother took everything he had, whites, blacks, flannels, socks, shirts, pants, the whole deal, and he threw it all in the washer at one time. When he pulled everything out, there were various color lints on the whites, and they thought it couldn’t get worse. Then, instead of throwing all the clothes in the dryer, he decided to air dry some of them since it was a warm day. His idea of airing them out was to take them out in a ball, and then just throw them over the clothes line in a ball. He may still be trying to dry those clothes. That was two and a half years ago.
But the moral of the story is, at least he does his own laundry. Most guys won’t. He’s ahead of the game. With guys, you don’t worry about the preciseness of which they do the task, just that they actually do it.
When we had finished our meal and our conversation about exciting things such as laundry, she graciously paid for our meal, as she’s always gracious enough to do and I appreciate greatly. This time, though, she couldn’t find the card she wanted. What commenced can only be subscribed as the most massive credit card search within one wallet in the history of woman’s purses. With the epic search came an epic story about paying her credit card bill, but not really paying it, and then having to pay it another way. Then she and the waitress got into a conversation about the rates American Express takes from businesses. And in the three minutes it took her to figure out she didn’t have that card and find a new one, I had learned more about credit cards than I have in the past twenty five years. It just goes to prove that hanging out with Aunt Bev isn’t only fun, but educational, too.
Today was football day. I’ve mentioned this nine hundred times and I’m sure I'll mention it more. When it comes to football here, the news forgets about people doing really non important things like, oh, getting shot, dying and going missing. The only thing that is important here is football, football, football. Now that the Steelers are in the playoffs and them losing means we get to hear actual news, we root for the other team. We have less team spirit than Ben Stein has excitement in his voice.
The only thing exciting about today, to be honest, is that my mom got an email from work regarding their meeting on Monday. It was from her boss. It was typed up exactly like this, only with the person’s name.
*Insert person here* will be at the office on Monday and she’s bringing FOOD!
I really think the only part of the email that wasn’t negligent to him was the food part. I love her boss. He knows what’s important in the real estate business.
I did, however, just hear a phrase that will go down as epic in my mind. “We’re on it like a duck on a June bug.” I must see this.
The lovely Miss Zoe commented on the last post (Thank you!) that I need to take pictures of my animals with name tags, because she couldn’t remember them all. I thought it was such a grand idea that I did just that, so consider this your official guide to Cassadee’s four-footed friends. If you're having issues reading their names, just click on the picture to enlarge them. Also, two of them have the names photo shopped on because the gosh darn flash on the camera caused them to disappear.
P.S. Zoe - I miss those days, too!
Everyone, please check out Zoe’s blog. Not only is it awesome on its own, but she also posted our instant message adventures. I promise you will love it there and she will make you feel right at home.
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