Chicken Soup For A Heartbroken Soul

There's a lot of things I've learned over the past couple days, and they are all things that have kept me from writing. I'm not much of a list maker, but I feel it is needed.

1. Sometimes people change, and it's not always for the better; sometimes it is. Either way, it can happen quickly, and sometimes the person you knew a year ago has done a whole one eighty and you find that you have no idea who they are. It really, really hurts when that happens, and it can leave you feeling really lost, angry, confused, sad or even pissed off. It depends on the situation, but the facts are the facts. People are people. There's no warranty that comes with them.

2. There comes a time where you are at a heavy crossroads and must make a decision about these people. I'm not the kind of girl to hang on to someone just to do it, even though my heart wants to so badly. I need closure of any kind, even if I have to be the one to end it. Either way, in any unhealthy relationship there will come a time when you have to sit down and just think and think and think until you can't anymore, then cry, and think some more, because there will be an event that will push you to know that things can't continue the way they are going. Or maybe there will be an event that proves otherwise, but you've got to know what you can handle and be prepared for both before you are slapped in the face with racing to make a decision.

3. If you have to let go of someone, it is okay. It is your choice and your choice alone. No matter what anyone else says, or tries to say, only you know the facts and the limits of your heart. On the same token, it is okay to decide to weather the storm with the person and keep hoping for another change. Some people do change again, but you never know the odds of that happening. Only God does. Its like a game of Russian Roulette. You never know what you are or are not giving up. But it is your choice alone...period. You can not let what anyone else says or does influence you.

4. It is okay to feel heartbroken; to be heartbroken. No matter how things turn out, you can't help the way you feel and if you're heartbroken, just admit it. No one will shoot you for it. It's part of life and part of being human.

5. Sometimes there is not a song in the world that is sad enough to match your emotions. You start off crying and then go to find a song to both comfort you, because you know someone else in the world has felt the same, and to bring the rest of the tears to the surface and wash some of the bad blood away, bringing a new day. But sometimes, no matter how many songs you've listened to, you just can't find the right one to make that happens, so you end up crying anyway because you're so sad that nothing fits your emotions that it frustrates you to the very core, and things just come out.

I know I personally was unable to find a song that was sad enough, so I cried in angst, although several of the song lyrics did fit what I was feeling. I felt like I just needed more...something...no matter what I listened to, but I would like to share the songs with you that I did find fitting and am now finding some comfort in, even if it's just the smallest amount. These are all the songs I found myself listening to, or singing to on repeat. There's a few of them, so hang tight. I will include links to all of them, so just go ahead and click on the name of the song and go for it.

Breathe by Taylor Swift. If you've ever lost a friend, no matter what the reason, this song lays it all on the line.

Every Time You Lie by Demi Lovato. I don't think there's a woman in the world who hasn't had a boy lie to her. Whether you were together or not, or you just loved him from afar, it doesn't matter. Liars are still liars. Period. Sometimes you have to be as strong as this girl, and she's so young. Gees, woman. You go!

My Immortal by a now extinct Evanescence. When someone makes a stamp on your heart, it's unlikely that it will ever leave. This song tells the sad tale of that better than any other. It makes me want Amy Lee solo music now. She is so talented and original.

Hurricane by The Hush Sound. (Track 5) This song captured me the moment I heard the first chords, and the music is just enough to evoke tears in itself. Forget the haunting vocals and the lyrics that accompany it.

A Few Days Down by Mandy Moore. This song reminds everyone, especially all of us girls who are trying to be super woman, that it's okay to just take a few days down, cry, drown yourself in total sorrow, and then emerge as beautiful as a butterfly

She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Sometimes you just need to know that there is a guy out there that will aways love the broken side of you, even if that guy is a singer that you're not even remotely interested in and will never meet. It's still good to be able to listen to that fairy tale being played out for your ears to hear.

New Perspective by a partially defunct Panic! At the Disco. Okay, listen folks. We all know that I think Brendon Urie is talented and has a cute ass, so no one lynch mob me for this. This is not a sad break up song. This is a song that is about falling in love, and well, apparently wanting someone to go down on you, because that line was not graceful or necessary. I was not trying to listen to this song to make myself sad, or to heal. I came across it in the middle of my sadness and learned quickly that there is nothing worse than listening to a song about falling in love with someone who you know has expensive taste, but you just want them to blow you, that really, really sets things off and just makes you ten times sadder. If you really listen to the lyrics, you almost feel bad for the person who wrote it because you feel like they know the person they're in love with is just in it for the money, but they're in it for the sex and being praised, so it's totally okay. The writer also feels like he needs to run, too, because it's a better idea for whatever reason. Maybe he's scared? Maybe he knows the girl isn't right for him? I do not know, and quite frankly it's not really any of my business. On a side note, I think that Mr. Urie is responsible for the lyrics, but am unsure. Either way, someone hug the kid, because he's singing it so he probably needs it. I don't hate the song, but it was just cry inducing in the situation I was in that mad me want to rip it apart and spit on it because I was angry someone was in love. (No one lynch mob me for this, okay? Really, go listen to the lyrics and get back to me on what you get out of it. Maybe it's just me and my broken heart. I don't know. You decide.)

The Only Fault by Rachael Yamagata. (I couldn't find a place where you could listen to the actual recording of the song, so I had to go with a live version.) This was a hidden track that I wasn't totally aware of, but it describes exactly how I'm feeling. I could not have written it better myself, but it's about trying to change someone who has fallen into a bad place when they used to be a great person, because you love them and want them more than anything in the world. This is for the fearless girls out there.

Elephants by Rachael Yamagata. (I know I've used this before, but it was worth using again. I also couldn't find the recorded version, even though I know there's an actual music video to it.) Her music is good heartbreak music, and Elephants is so delicately written that it's truly an art form. The song really is about elephants in the way that it's a metaphor for human nature.

Keep You by Sugarland. This song has an irresistible chorus. If you listen to it with a broken heart, you won't be able to shake it for days.

You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift. (Or if you prefer the alternate version made for CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, you can find it here.) This one moved me to tears the most, because no matter what, sometimes the person isn't sorry. Then again, sometimes they have nothing to be sorry about and that's what hurts the most.

6. This is all okay. All of it. Every single thing, every single emotion, every song you listen to, no matter how odd it may be. It's okay to cry, to laugh, to sing, or to do whatever you do, no matter how unconventional it is, just to feel better. If you wanna rock out with your socks out, go right on ahead, because if that's what gets you through something, that's what gets you through something. There is no handbook for this; no rules.

7. In the end, it will all be okay even though I know it damn well doesn't feel like it. There is a bigger plan out there, a reason that person is or was in your life, and it will shine through one day just when you need it to. It will all eventually make sense. Everything will click.

8. We all make mistakes and we all do stupid things. It's allowed. No one has the right to tell you it's not. Mistakes are all part of a growing process, and your mistakes are what make you who you are.

9. Who you are is beautiful to someone, and should be beautiful to yourself. You should love yourself, be your own best friend and be happy with who you are. Even if you're lonely and feel like nothing is going your way, just remember that someone thinks you are beautiful just the way you are. There is someone out there that you pass by everyday, or that you even met just once and made an impression on that wants to be with you, and you will never know it. They will forever be too afraid to say it, so don't get down on yourself. Someone will always be there, even if you don't know that they are.

10. Crying and being lonely are a normal part of life. I've always been afraid to cry in front of people, but I was giving myself the short end of the stick. It's okay to cry in front of someone and to rant and complain. There will always be those few jerks who tell you it isn't, but between those few jerks there will be the one diamond in the rough, and it will be the person you least expect. They will listen to you, nurture your feelings and care for you when you just really feel like you're being an annoying tool for freaking the heck out all over the place. They will tell you that you are not and it is okay, and you will learn after the storm dies down, that they are right. It is all okay. Never apologize for crying.

11. The heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes you will be that person who loves someone from afar and they never know it. Sometimes you will be that girl that loves up close and they do know it, but their heart doesn't want you back. And there will always be a time when you love the wrong person and know it, but you can't help yourself and dive in knowing that your heart will be smashed in a zillion pieces when it all goes to hell (Track 12). When it happens it sucks big time. What sucks even worse is that you can't change things. They are what they are.

12. There is nothing wrong with being single. It does not make you a social reject, nor does it make you any less of a person. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, I will yell at them for you. Being single is empowering, and it's being independent. It's okay to be single for a long time. That's your prerogative and no one elses.

It has been a crazy week. I have stories to tell about Aunt Bev and her brand new computer, and pictures to share that are like the Greta ones in the last post, only with one of our cats, Scamper. I just can't do it right now. I am not Supergirl and I don't have to be. I want to thank the people who were there for me this week to listen to me cry, and maybe I'm not done crying, but I'm going to stop apologizing for it, because now I know that it is okay if I do it.

Thank you to those who kept me going this week, again, and hopefully soon I will be back with fun posts and feeling a little more like myself.