I Wrote This For You To Hide For Safe Keeping

It's kind of ridiculous to do three blogs in one day? My friend and I have this joke that we're the new wave of awesome, but it turns out that I am just the new wave of ridiculous. Which is kind of awesome, right?

I realized while talking to another friend that I am finally okay with everything going on in my life, and with the feelings I may or may not have had for someone who I didn't exactly want to be introduced to in the first place. I guess I'll never really know if there was anything there, but it's not my place and there is a reason for it. I accept that.

I still have my moments where I want to explore the possibilities, but being as I'm stuck in one place and sick right now, that's not possible. It doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing about this does.

He's changed, and he has a girlfriend who has cheated on him, but he feels this is okay because all of his girlfriends have cheated on him, but she's been the nicest to him. It is not okay, but it is also far from my place to tell him that.

I don't want to have a sit down, face to face moment with him. I don't want to have to really talk to him in that way again, because I know this is just destined to go really badly no matter which way I slice it. So I won't slice anything. Not my heart, not the proverbial thing that I'm supposed to slice. I'll keep it all whole.

I always want to put people back together, but the truth is, no matter how hurt someone is, it's not possible for them to actually be broken. But people believe they are, and I always want to be the tape and the glue, and the instant fix of a permanent thing that stays in their heart and head until they can deal with life. I want to be their everything just because they never had anything to believe in. But I cannot change the world, and I will only hurt myself trying to do so. It's a lesson well learned.

If you want to stay with a girl who is going to cheat on you, that is your choice. I would never tell you otherwise. Your reasoning is ridiculous, but it's not my life. I think it says a lot for you that you would stay with someone who cheated on you just because "they've treated you the best out of the three girlfriends you've had, all which have done the same."

Do you not know you deserve better? Is that really how you feel about yourself? You are so much better, and although you've made some idiotic choices, I know that you're strong enough to undo them and fix what you think is so broken about yourself. I look at you and I don't see broken. I see something pretty amazing, and I'm sorry that you can't see that for yourself. It makes me sad, but it's not my battle to fight. I'll never win it if I try.

No one else can pick up the pieces for you, but we can stand here and support you when you do it. Just remember that. Please remember that.

You've just proven to me time and time again that it doesn't matter who you are, what you do for a living, or how much money you make. Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. All those things can't erase the past, but you can't let them define who you are either. You are better than that. It's a shame you don't know it.

The guy I met last year didn't ruin his life with substances and drugs just to pass the days. Now you do that. What's made you that way? Who has hurt you in the past? What inside of you has made you think that is all right?

It is not all right! There's too much life to live sober, to live free and clear to be wasting time being half out of it. You're too talented for that. If I'm the only one telling you that, or the only one who has been otherwise honest with you, then I am really sorry, because the friends you have are not real friends.

I wrote this for you because you will never see it, and that's the way I'd like to keep it.