In This Skin

I know I already posted tonight, and not all that long ago, but I decided to make the trek back here and get a little deep on all of you. I'm not going to apologize for this, either, because I feel like sometimes we have to turn ourselves inside out just to really see what we're made of. If we can't do that, will we ever really know who we are?

No, we won't. Sometimes it's just worth it, and whether you do it alone, or around others, it doesn't matter. It's just important that you do it just because you can and for no other reason. Cry because it feels right, laugh because you know how to, and sing even when people are listening just because you want to. No one has ever died from embarrassment. I'm pretty sure this is a proven fact.

My friend and I were just laughing at some pretty sad ads on Craigslist. These certain ads involve dating, and people who really don't know who they are, how to spell, or what the human language entails.

For those of you who have read my blog, you know by now that I am often sarcastic, and get laughs by making fun of others, but gently. (Or at least I hope it's gently.) I never mean any offense to anyone, and anyone who knows me personally knows this, but you all may not. If you ever find me offensive, tell me. I can take it. I truly mean no harm to the person I am being witty towards.

That being said, deep down, I really do have to give these people credit for putting themselves out there on the world wide web. Even though some should most likely go about doing it in another way, or really think more into what they're doing first, they're still doing something that I could never do.

I hold my heart very close to me and I don't give it away easily. I am the girl who can't even ask the guy that I like and have known for over two years out because I'm afraid of making things awkward. I'm not even all that worried about making things awkward for me, but I am worried about making things awkward for others. I don't know why I do this to myself, or why I am like this. There's a fear somewhere that I have yet to conquer, but since I know it's there and I am working on it, I know that one day I will.

As the same friend and I were talking, I told her that I really hope that someone laughs as hard we do when we make fun of people, while making fun of me. I know that sounds really stupid, maybe even a little self masochistic, but it's not.

Everyone deserves a chance to be confident in themselves, and I am confident in me. I know that I'm not perfect, and through that I have the ability to laugh at my flaws, blow them off and keep going. I hope that just because I laugh at myself, others do, too.

As someone pointed out to me the other day, I am a "tool" and a "girl geek." (Just in case, you know, girls really can't be tools.) I am really proud of this. I know that I am both of these things and I would never pretend to be anything different.

I am the girl most likely to fall flat on her face in heels, or most likely to snort with I laugh, even if it's in front of a hundred people. But that's what makes me who I am.

So go ahead, laugh at me. Make fun of me and pick on me, and really get a good chuckle out of doing so. I'm okay with it, because I laugh at myself. If I can do that and make fun of myself, other people should be able to do so, too.

I don't make fun of anyone to be vindictive. I just have this off sense of humor that finds humor in things that shouldn't even be funny. Does that make me different? Does that sometimes scare people? I know that it does, but that is okay. For the people who are okay with this, I find great friendships.

And for those of you who don't like me, that's okay, too. No one said you had to.

The point is, people are people. Sometimes we change our minds. Sometimes we say the worst of things. And sometimes we're just ourselves, heart out, inside out, trying to figure it all out. There is nothing wrong with any of this and there is nothing wrong with who you are. Embrace who you are and learn to be confident no matter what anyone says about you. Because when people say mean things just to hurt you, it's them who is really hurting inside. If you keep your head held high and walk away, it will make them think. And even if they don't want to admit it, it will make them eventually realize that the only person they're hurting is themselves.

So be fearless just because you can be. Fearless isn't having no fears, it's knowing that you have fears and yet you go into life with that in mind and keep on trucking. So I dare everyone to take one day to be fearless and then get back to me and let me know how it feels.