I've been thinking all day on how I'm going to approach this blog tonight. I have a bunch of things I want to write about, but I have no idea if I'll get it all written. I have to be up tomorrow for an appointment an hour and a half away. Can we say eww? Either way, I decided to start with the most boring, depressing, crappiest part of the blog first just to get it out of the way. I promised my friends I'd keep them updated on my health in this blog, and although I hate writing out what's really going on with me, it's better to write it out once than respond to every one's e-mails asking me how I am doing, although I appreciate that I have such amazing friends. Lazy people of the world, *points to self* UNITE!
I'm going to make a long story short. I have lupus anticoagulant (LA). It's a condition where your blood is prone to clotting. Lately, I have had a horrible pain in my right side along with swelling in my ankles. Through a phone conversation with my auto-immune doctor who diagnosed me with the LA, she ended up coming to the conclusion that she believed this could very well be a blood clot. I had an appointment with her a few days later, so we decided to just take care of it then. When I went to my appointment however, she ended up not being there, as she's pregnant and had an issue with her pregnancy. The doctor in her place was completely incompetent and at this point it looks like she will not be back for at least eight or nine months.
I'm not going to get into too much detail, but in saying the doctor filling in her for her is incompetent is a gross understatement. I shall explain so you can all understand. He reviewed my case file, looked me over, and told me to go to a gynecologist. We were confused as the pain was in my upper right quadrant, not the lower, but I agreed to go and figure things out otherwise. I get to the gynecologist and find out he referred me to her for lower pelvic pain. I was in the exam room with two of my family members and both agree I never said anything about lower pelvic pain ever, so not only is my chart wrong, but I called the doctor and he just absolutely refuses to fix it or help me in any way. The gynecologist, however, feels I have a blood clot too. This is two doctors against one very dumb one, which left me feeling stuck. This leads me to today.
I made an appointment with a general PCP and went today to see him. Since Friday night my ankles have swollen so badly that I can hardly walk. The pain in my side has not gone away. My insurance had automatically given me this PCP, so I was worried. He was not my PCP, nor did I know anything about him. I got there, saw him, he poked me six ways from Sunday, looked at my ankles, and said "go to the emergency room. I think you have a blood clot." This seems easy enough, but it is not.
My insurance only covers one hospital around here....ONE! That wouldn't be a big deal because the hospital it covers is the hospital where eight of my doctors are, however I am under the primary care of one, which is the doctor that is on leave, sticking me with the incompetent one by default. If you are already a patient at this certain hospital, which is also a university hospital, and you go into the ER with any kind of problem, they will pull up your file and contact your main doctor within that hospital before doing any kind of tests. The PCP I was given that referred me to go to the ER was the ONLY doctor not in that hospital. So what does this mean?
This very simply means that if I go into the ER they will contact said incompetent doctor who still falsely believes I have lower pelvic pain despite me talking to him and telling him I didn't. He would.not.listen. He will tell them he doesn't believe I have a blood clot and not to test for one, much like he told me three weeks ago and since that time three doctors have overrode his opinion. I'm unsure of what they will do from there considering that they work off your main doctor at that hospital and my referring PCP may mean shit to them. Also, my insurance may tell me to fuck myself if this doctor doesn't back it as I need a referral to the emergency room and the PCP wouldn't write me up a proper referral. I may get lucky and they may do what the referring PCP asks, but if they do, we still have a problem.
I also have some heart problems, and was already warned that there's certain tests they have to do to determine a blood clot that I can not have done due to that, as I raise too much of a risk of pushing the blood clot to my brain since my heart is bad. This I do not understand, but this is what I am told. I do not know which tests they can and can not do, and after a horrific trip to the emergency room last year, and also my grandmother's trip of horror to the emergency room in October where they almost killed her as they didn't know enough about her condition to treat me properly, I am scared shit less to leave my life in their hands with a doctor who knows what tests I can and can not have, but refuses to believe I may have a blood clot, therefore he will not help. I don't trust emergency rooms, especially because, for the most part, no one is trained in anything specific. I.feel.screwed.
I've decided to try to wait two weeks, as I have an appointment with my original and amazing doctor's husband. He is to evaluate why my legs are swelling and my side pain like Mr. Incompetent was supposed to do to. If he decides he thinks I have a blood clot, I can then be admitted into that hospital under his care, and he and his wife can converse about my condition. That way I would feel safe.
In retrospect, I am trying to keep an open mind. I realize this may not be a blood clot. It could be something silly and stupid, but the fact that my ankles are so swollen that I can barely walk pisses me off way more than the side pain. I still want to be cautious though, so I'm resting and doing the best I can. If I get to the point where I feel like I'm in trouble, and I know my body well enough to know, then I will indeed not be stupid and go to the hospital. Right now I am just uncomfortable and in pain, but I don't feel like it's terribly urgent. I feel like it does however need taken care of soon, so I'm going to try to give it the two weeks. With the pain I'm in, I may not be able to wait the two weeks. If I can't, I will go and hope for the best, but right now my gut is telling me to try to wait it out and that going to the emergency room is going to end up worse than if I wouldn't have just gone. I'm going to go with that instinct, as it's never led me wrong, but cautiously realize that I can't be a fool either. I'll keep you updated on what happens.
Whoo, now the crappy part of this blog is out of the way and I can move on to bigger and better things. I'm just trying to think about what said bigger and better things are. I had things planned to write out and now that I'm sitting here, I'm having a brain fart major. Until I can think of everything I had to say, I shall tell you all a story. Fasten your seat belts, because I'm pretty sure this story is special in every sense of the word. Please also keep in mind that I'm not insulting the person that the story is about, but really?
Back in September my friend Becky number 1 (I know two Becky's, so please bear with me, and no, I am not playing favorites. I've known this Becky longer.) and I decided that, for some one's birthday, we were going to saran wrap their car or decorate their motorcycle, depending on which mode of transportation they brought to work that day. (See the second picture above.) In doing this, we had decided early on that we wanted to use balloons either way. Since we had so many balloons, we decided to have them blown up somewhere. Lazy, but neither of us posses that much air. That being said, we took them to a local store where she used to work and a guy friend of hers blew them up for us. For all intents and purposes, we shall call the guy friend BG for balloon guy as I do not want to tarnish any one's name.
Upon leaving the store I commented that I thought BG was cute, and Becky being Becky, passed this message on. I laughed, because really, what was I going to do? Around rolled December and she was in said local store and ran into BG who proceeded to ask her if I was still single and if I would be interested in going out with him. I'm 23 and he's 18, but he assured her repeatedly that he was a mature 18. She had worked with him and when she had, they were good friends, so she knew him well and thought we'd both really like each other. She also had a lot of respect for this guy and just thought he was nice, sweet, mature, and all over a good guy. She contacted me, I said yes, and this put me in contact with him.
Fast forward about a weeks worth of texts and we decided to go on our first date. We went to see Twilight, btw. He was charming, sweet, I was comfortable with him, and he was cute to boot. It was like a Taylor Swift song. I was happy, he was happy, we both thought we had something.
Friday rolls around and we hung out and baked penis cookies with Becky and Patrick, a mutual friend between she and I. (Also see above picture number one.) From there, everything seemed fine aside from the fact that he whined a lot because he was tired, made a lot of inappropriate comments that went too far, got on every one's nerves, and was afraid of Becky's dog, causing us to have to shut him in a room and feel badly about it. I was a little annoyed that he was so unhelpful, but made a date with him for the following night. Everyone has their bad days and it wasn't that big of a deal, right? We were actually fine with him until he left and it set in how much more peaceful it was without him. Because Becky had known him for three years prior to the current time, and I had a great time with him on the date, we figured it a fluke.
Saturday pops up on us, date night, and I texted him to see what time he wanted to go out exactly and what we were doing. I could tell immediately that something was up with him. After several hours of being ignored by him after he was already cranky, he ends up telling me that he's cancelling our date, but gives no explanation and just stops talking to me. I thought, well, okay, I can take a hint. I told Becky what happened and she was seriously upset about the whole thing as she couldn't see BG doing something like this and neither could I. It just didn't seem like him, so even though that pretty much ended things right there, we still tried to nicely give him the benefit of the doubt that he was a decent human being. In all fairness, had he given me some sort of explanation instead of just cancelling, or at least apologized, I would have given him another chance, but since he did neither and I was both shocked and appalled by this, I figured it was best to not even venture further into this relationship. Nothing lost, nothing gained. I've been in too many relationships where the guy either didn't care, or was communication insufficient, and I wasn't doing it again.
Fast forward to Monday. I end up getting a text from BG. He NOW decides to apologize for cancelling the date Saturday. Too bad he didn't actually apologize when he did so, but was kind of rude about it instead. I didn't really expect to hear from him again to be honest, figuring that he decided he didn't want to date me again and was too afraid to tell me, and I would never know why. Apparently this was not the case. Since he did take the time to apologize, I thought about it and with Becky being with me when the text came through, we talked about and both agreed something terrible probably happened to him. We are stupid and give people too much benefit of the doubt. I hate us.
I asked him if he was okay, hoping he would explain to me what happened, or at least attempt some explanation. If something horrible did happen, then I was a bitch for not giving him another chance and not understanding. What he told me next knocked not only my socks off, but sent me into infinite laughter. This is a story I will tell my grandchildren.
He proceeds to tell me that he's fine, however Saturday was horrible, and then explains. Wait for it. The epic thing that happened was this:
A co-worker texted him and called him an asshole. Now mind, BG works in an office away from everyone he works with and doesn't have to deal with them at all at any point in time while he is there. He had just gotten a promotion into this position too. Not to be insensitive, but it was also just a text. Delete it and move on with your life. You don't have to ever deal with the person, or them with you. No big deal, be the bigger person. It's not like the co-worker said this to BG's face, and even if he had, he is big and old enough to walk away. Becky and I both figured there had to be more to this story, and oh there was, but it was far from what we expected.
From there he proceeded to text me and tell me that directly after his co-worker did this he cried, left the office, found his boss and quit his job. He also decided that, because he worked eight hours a week at a pizza place, that he just wasn't going to get another job because he just couldn't handle the stress. If he was going to be made fun of at work or called names, he just wasn't going to work. Umm.....news flash. Adult life is calling and it is a bitch.
We.laughed.hard. Maybe this makes us two major bitches, but at the same time, he is eighteen and this is the real world. Apparently he can not survive in it. You're always going to have someone who isn't going to like you, but if you hold your head high, ignore it, and continue on, the joke will be on them. I have never cared what anyone has thought of me unless I really hold the person dear and feel like I've offended them by something stupid that shot out of my mouth. I could not be with someone who couldn't even deal with someone calling them a name through a text, and quitting their job. If I had the memory to keep these texts in my phone, believe me, I would have and I would have posted a screenshot of them on here minus the number, because they are that funny. You have to see them to believe them.
That being said, I really do think the guy is a nice, great guy, but I think he has a lot of growing up to do. There's some eighteen year olds that are more mature than me. It's human nature, but he is certainly not one of them. As one of my unidentified friends pointed out, when she heard the story, she felt like I was telling her about a thirteen year old girl. He was still in high school mode, which I guess is natural being that he was only in his first year of college. I do wish him the best though and hope that he learns from this and finds himself a great girl, everything he wants in life, and is happy. It's just not going to be done with me.
On a side note, if anyone was wondering, mission decorate Joe's motorcycle for his birthday was more than successful, as you can see by the above picture. We have videos too. When I get them edited one day I will post them. Don't count on that being done any time soon. I just don't currently have the time, and sadly, I don't have the knowledge of how to use my video editing equipment on my Mac either. One day I will learn.
Also, I am still working on getting that amazingly hilarious picture off of Alex that I promised yesterday. I did remember to ask him for it and he said that he will send it to me as soon as he gets it off of his camera. He also agreed to let me post it. Thank you, Alex.
Alex is currently helping me to regain my wireless internet back. My neighbors have a tendency to hack into it and kick me off of my own wireless. They must be stopped. I'm illiterate when it comes to this sort of things so he's walking me through it. Isn't Alex amazing?
I was thinking about this today and wanted to point this out early on and then move on. I will never talk politics in this blog. It's not that I am politically inept, I just don't care to do it. Everyone has their own values and own opinions, and I respect that. I'm not always going to agree with you, or you with me, so why cause a fuss? Politics are often the start of very heated discussions and I just do not want involved. Besides, it is not my place to comment on it. Even though my knowledge is fairly extensive, I am not a politician myself and do not understand everything, in fact I understand far from him. This gives me no right to publicly speak on it or try to shove my views down every one's throats. Thank you in advance for understanding and respecting this decision.
I had initially planned on reviewing Twilight by Stephenie Meyer today, however, I felt it was a little early. I have three pages left to read in the book, THREE. I literally have not had time to get through the last three pages today. What a jip. Hopefully I'll finish it tomorrow. I'm pretty sure the ending in the book and the movie are the same, but slightly different and I remember the last scene in the movie most prominently. I want to completely finish the book before I review, as I would like to compare where the movie leaves us with where the book leaves us, as I think I know how this is going to turn out, but I want to make sure. No putting the little cart before the horse here.
Whoo, I could go on forever tonight, but I know I need to get some rest. I have another appointment in the morning, but on a good note, Alex the awesome has gotten my wireless to the point where he can break into my computer from his and reset everything. Ya him. Hopefully this will be done soon, but I am not rushing him. He is quite busy and wonderful. Oh, real quick, the first time I met Alex I tripped and almost fell on top of him. He does not remember this, but I have never forgotten it and this is how I will always think of him.
And before I forget:
I haven't had a song stuck in my head today, nor do I now and I am not playing any music currently. However, I'm going to go through my play list and find something to give you right now. Today I choose Happily Never Ever by The Pussycat Dolls off of their new album Doll Domination. Now, I know what most people think of these girls, and for the most part I probably agree, but this song is just gorgeous. It's very empowering for all woman and I hope that someone who really needs this will come across it. I was thinking about this song last night when I went to go to bed and knew that I wanted to put it on my blog at one point. Since there's no songs stuck in my head, tonight is a good night for it. Enjoy!
I have no book to add tonight for obvious reasons. This will hopefully change tomorrow. I'm sure I can finish those three pages in the waiting room tomorrow.
I am still continually inspired by Keltie today and her strength, so I have no one new to add. When I do, I shall.
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