The Boy In Your Head

My friend and I were talking today. She reminds me so much of myself in so many ways, but particularly when it comes to boys. She usually sees right through every situation they try to pull, and she wonders if what she really wants is a husband because she's stable being by herself. She doesn't need anyone to make her whole. I, too, share in that notion.

There will always be a boy who will come along and drive you crazy out of your mind. That doesn't mean you'll be crazy emotionally attracted to him, or your lifestyles intertwine in a symphony of pure bliss. He will just simply drive you crazy out of your mind. Most of the time, you won't even know why. You'll do and think silly things because of this boy knowing that it would never work out, and never really try to date this boy because you knew this from point one. After some time, you'll realize you can't deny your feelings, and in an attempt to patch together a broken situation and a dented heart, you do what you have to do to clear your head.

Sometimes that comes in the form of writing letter. In my experience, writing can heal absolutely everything. Even if you never give the person that letter, getting it out accounts for everything. And if you do give the person that letter, you do it knowing that you're strong enough to handle that they will most likely reject the situation and nothing is going to happen. You also know that most likely, they won't ever bring up said letter, and your friendship is most likely over. You simply do it to empower yourself and walk away knowing that things are done, finite.

You also have to prepare yourself for the possibility that the person will want to talk to you about the letter you wrote. This is where things get a little hinky, because you have to learn to read between the lines when this happens to keep yourself from getting hurt further. You may feel that you owe the person something because you wrote them a letter, but you do not, in fact, owe them a thing. Writing them that letter was opening up your entire heart to them and giving them all you could. You can't give them more. The ball is in their court and you were clear you didn't expect anything out of them. They shouldn't expect anything out of you.

There's a lot that can be said about the way that the person goes about contacting you about talking about the letter. The best outcome would be if they contacted you in the first week and wanted to talk. It tells you that, as soon as they got that letter and read it, they knew exactly how they felt, one way or another, and they just had to sit down and really have a heart to heart with you. They are serious about doing this, they got a hold of you the first real chance they got to present the situation, and they don't want to handle the letter immaturely, even if what they have to say is something they know you don't want to hear. They care about the letter, and subsequently about you, and want to settle things maturely between you.

Depending on the person, there are also some people who need to take things in and think about them before dealing with them. If you know the person well enough to have any kind of feelings for them, and certainly ones strong enough to write them a letter, you will know if they are that kind of person. If you don't hear from them in the first week, it's okay, because you simply know they are thinking and processing. If the letter receiver is not a thinker, let me be honest, they either do not want to handle the situation at all, or they are only going to eventually contact you to handle it because they feel like they have to. That never will be worth your time, or theirs, and will never end well. The part of you that was only dented, and then healed by that letter, can end up fractured.

If your person is one who needs time to think, it's okay. However, if I've learned anything it's that those people are often slow to think are finite in their decision once they've come to a conclusion. If they decide to bridge the gap and bring up the letter, they will not do so until they've made their decision about what exactly it is they want to say. They will usually ask to talk with you soon, wanting to get what weeks of thinking has built up, out of them and passed on to you.

It's also been my experience that when a thinker contacts you about a situation as such, but then doesn't want to see you for several more weeks, it's because they have made their decision and it requires them lying to themselves. They would not have contacted you without making a decision and knowing how they are going to deal with things. Now they need the time to figure out how they are going to face you and lie to not only you, but themselves.

When deciding if you want to get together with this person, there's certain things to think about, because often times your feelings can veil the reality of the situation. You have to ask yourself that, if you knew the person was one hundred percent going to tell you they didn't feel the same way, if you would still want to go and talk to them. You have to know the answer to that. You also have to be prepared for the latter and be prepared to have a plan either way. A thinker who took weeks to get together with you after contacting you about the situation knows what he or she wants, and expects you to have the answers to whatever situation they present you with.

You also have to remember that, if you go and the situation brings up all your feelings that you finally fought down to a baseline, it's ultimately doing you no good. If you know he's just telling you he doesn't want to be with you because he can't handle his own feelings, seeing you again is ultimately doing him no good either. In the end, all you can do is follow your heart, but don't put your head behind the line of contention because you want happily ever after. That doesn't exist. But if you find someone who is just right for you, in the imperfections you can find something so much better.

I also just wanted to update you all on the Friend situation. I'm fine with the way everything happened. Oddly enough, a few days after I posted the letter on the blog, I started to get the impression that he had read it, although I'll never be sure. We talked for awhile, and it was just in the things he said. Now, suddenly, we just don't talk anymore. We don't hate each other. I know we are still friends, but now we're quiet friends. I know our relationship well enough to know that we will talk again one day, but when we do, it will just be as friends. It will be when we are ready to be just friend and can truly handle it without feelings flying everywhere. We are adjusting ourselves properly. We just couldn't go about things the way we were, because if we would have, a lot of messes would have been made and a lot of people would have been hurt. Sometimes things truly do work out with a touch of perfection, and through the pain, you find yourself and come out a better, happier person.