iGo For A Walk - Part 2

Last week we talked about walking, and discovered why it is so fun to take a walk where I live. And by fun, I mean it’s much like watching grass grow, paint dry and hell attempt to freeze over, for three weeks straight. I took you along the road most traveled, so to speak, and today I’m going to show you what happens when I walk the other way. Strap yourself in, kids, because it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

When I go the other way, I first start out by seeing this. As you can tell, this walk is going to be as fun and fancy free as a person who had a practical joke played on them and they now find their shoes glued to the ground with no way of getting out of them. I think the bad analogy really adds to the feel I was going for.

After I turn the first bend, I see this. This is particularly exciting because, not only can you see the church bathroom to the far left, but you can see that the door to it is open. And you thought I was kidding about the church having bathrooms outside. Pshht. I never kid about such ridiculous things.

Ah, then we reach a straight away. Look at all them trees. Ain’t they just the most exciting trees this side of that there Mississippi?

Now this is where things really get to the fuck the what point. This picture is going to look totally normal until you really look at what’s way far away. Go ahead, look harder, click on the picture to enlarge, do a dance while you wait. Do you see it?

Yep, that’s right, there’s a bridge the size of Texas right in the middle of this quiet country road. This bridge would be fitting for say, a city with five million people, but for a road that gets a whole seven people a day, give or take the less of seven people, it’s just not appropriate. Oh, Penndot, your idiocy never fails to amaze me.

Oh, and so I don’t gip you in this post, this is what I see on my way back. Yep, nothing exciting here, just more exciting trees that don’t live in Mississippi.

Wait, wait, just in case you haven’t had enough of those fine babies, here they are again from a different angle. Go ahead, get it out of your system, I know you want to ooh and ahh yourself silly.

Also, as with the last post, I will share the exciting things I saw on my walk. Again, I ask you all to take a break, go grab your inhalers, gather yourselves collectively and prepare yourselves properly before moving on with the post.

We good?

Okay, first I will introduce you to a family of pine cones, the ones in which you may need to click on this picture to enlarge in order to see said family. From left to right we have Princess Tutu Snufflinger, the daughter, Queen Lulu Snootenhopper the mother (names are different because Tutu was technically adopted and refused to change her name to anything that had snoot in it), Prince Dirk Snootenhopper, the son, and King Heinrich Snootenhopper, the father, and also shortened to King Heiny.

So, you see, not only in this family of pine cones the idealistic American family, but they’re royalty as well. I was honored to come across them. Really...honored.

Next, I came across these flowers and thought I’d take a picture for you all because they’re pretty, pretty pink flowers. Ooh, ahh. The only thing that could make them better is if they were shiny.

Directly after the flowers, I saw this precious little bird sitting all on its own on the fence post. Much like the grinnie from the other day, we also had an agreement about how close I could get to him and how I could photograph him. And this time I’m sure it was a him because right after taking the picture his little female friend flew out of the bushes and also forced him to fly away. A man wouldn’t try to force the female away from the paparazzi, but a woman would. It’s in the nature of the beast, large or small, mammal or no mammal.

I came up on a “shed” next. You will see in a moment why I put quotation marks around the word shed. This needs no explanation. Do you see it hiding there in the trees?

And because I know one view of this beautiful piece of craftsmanship was simply not enough, I took another picture at a different angle just so you could see how well this baby was put together.

Since every walk needs a little bit of the American spirit, I present you with a high flying flag. It was momentarily flapping in the wind as I tried to catch it in all its glory, but much like Chuck Norris, you don’t forgive it, it forgives you. Let’s please take a moment of silence to do one of two things. One, put your hand over your heart and honor the flag, or two, sing “It’s A Grand Old Flag.” Your choice. We can even do one and two together and two in rounds if you’d like.

And if you feel you need to do three, which is blow up the picture to see the flag, then by all means, go on ahead.

As I rounded out my walk, I came across a groundhog who thought he was a prairie dog, what with standing up and all. I don’t really know if it was a he and I didn’t bother to look, but for the sake of the story he’s a boy named Mann. Because I took this picture from a non proverbial bridge, and not the one the size of Texas, but another one over a creek, I couldn’t exactly get close enough to get a great picture of him. For that and not doing him justice, I am sincerely sorry. I am working on an apology letter to him now since he’s the only one who really wanted his picture taken and I let him down.

Now that you’ve seen the preciousness that is the species confused him, I ask you for your opinion on the following letter.

Dear Mann,
I am so sorry that I couldn't get a better picture of you. I tried, I really did, but there was a kitten in a tree and it had a cold, so I had to get it a Kleenex. This is not a lie, which may or may not be a lie in itself. I ask only for your forgiveness and for you to come closer to the road next time so I can take a better picture. No, wait, a take that back. Don’t come near the road. No. Gravel is bad. Bad I tell you. Whatever you do, DON’T COME NEAR THE ROAD!!!
Your New Friend Who Let You Down,
Cassadee

Think it will suffice? I left out the part about him being confused as to what animal he really was because I didn’t feel it necessary to insult him, but depending on his reaction to this particular letter, I may bring it up. Someone should tell him and it’s obviously not going to be his friends. I’m like the best gay guy to the animal world, setting them straight one species at a time.

Now that you’ve seen my two options for walking paths, and yes, these are the only two I have, I’m sure you can understand just why it is that I get so bored so very quickly. If not, then you come live here and I'll go live where you live. We’ll do a whole Parent Trap switch. I can dye, cut, or add extension to my hair; whatever is necessary. I can also learn a new language, but I’m not great with British accents. Just a little FYI there, but I’m still willing to try.

I would also like to point out that, if you’re really gun ho on taking a walk here, that there are two major differences that you need to know when picking a route to walk. If you take the first route, you can’t hear any of the turnpike traffic at all, making it so quiet that you’ll go out of your mind and start making music videos about singing trees eating lollipops, therefore making Lady Gaga seem totally, completely sane.

But, if you choose to go the other way, you can hear turnpike traffic for about a third of your walk. It really shakes things up, let me tell you.

We will conclude this series with one more post, where I am to regal and amaze you with tales of excitement that have been endured while walking. Get your oohs and ahhs ready; it’s going to be a bowl full of jelly.

And before I forget to add this, because it's me and I will, the amazing Miss Zoe asked me a question on FormSpring:

What gives you the inspiration to write?

A lot of different things. It depends on what I'm writing. Mostly emotions.
For my novel, it was that I felt like there was a part of me that no one saw. I wanted to write it out all, so I created a character that says and does everything that I want to, but could never say and do, and it took a life of its own. When I need out of my own head and insecurities, I write.
Other times, something I see on a television, or a character on a show will give me an idea or inspiration. I'll see a scene and immediately my mind comes up with a play on it, a play on a character, or an idea based off of it and I end up with an entire idea and just go for it.