iGo For A Walk - Part 1

I was going to make a big deal out of this being my one hundredth post, but then I realized my blog was probably starting to feel old, so I'm going to be polite and downplay it. Therefore, as a present to my blog, I will share some of the outside world with it since it doesn’t get out much. And by much, I mean at all.

It’s summertime again, and that means it’s time for me to get out there and go for a walk. Every summer I try to make this a habit, and it works for about three days and then I give up. There are many reasons for this; none having to do with laziness, and all having to do with the pure and utter fact that it.is.boring to walk alone. Add this to the fact that I have the attention span of a six day old with severe, incurable ADHD and you can see how I ended up making an entire set of blogs out of walking.

Oh yes, I said set.

I know that most of you are thinking. Why don’t you listen to your iPod? I can hear you all thinking it as I sit here and pure and utter silence. The thing is, I’m just not that fancy. I have no iPod. At one time I got one as a present for Christmas, but had to return it when my phone broke and I had to buy a new one. Thank goodness I was slow and hadn’t opened it yet. But that’s beyond the point. Shocked, aren’t you?

I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t mind to walk, and give me the hustle and the bustle of the city streets. I’m all over that; walking down the sidewalks with other human beings, some with dogs, some dressed badly, others that trip, while taking in the sights around me. You never know what you’re going to get from day to day, except that everyday will be completely different. The cool breeze in your hair, the people honking their horns, waiting for the do not cross sign to let you cross; in other words, excitement. I am all about that.

Then there’s where I live. You could say a town died a long time ago, but here, that would be a lie. I mean, no one died. Wait, that came out wrong; people have died, but the town itself isn’t dead. The wildlife is hopping and the trees are still growing, but people are few and far between. And let’s not even talk about the silence. I know most people like to walk in silence, clear their head, get their thoughts together, but those people have never lived here. It is so quiet that you start out clearing you mind and end up going out of it. After twenty minutes of hefty walking, my thoughts start to creep up on me and try to attack. Then it gets ugly.

Some people say they live out in the middle of nowhere, where dead silence surrounds them in masses, except for a bird or two, but few dare to prove it. That’s where this blog comes in. Over a series of three posts, I will take you through my world as is. I’ll show you the streets I walk down, the way this town stopped hopping years ago, and even more excitedly, I will tell you about my adventures in walking. Freakin’ dance party, right?

I would first like to regal you with a pictorial of what I see when I go on my walks. This will give you an idea of the exciting sights I see daily. Prepare yourself...you can’t unsee this. I know the pictures aren’t great, but they were taken on my Blackberry.

Why do I carry a phone with me while walking, you ask?I have medical problems and am sometimes famous for going down at the drop of a hat. Instead of sitting next to the road hoping that, in a twist of Enchanted like fate, the forest animals carry me back home, I can call someone.

Anywhomaburger, onto the pictorial.

First, as I start my decent off of my road, I come across this as I’m rounding a sharp turn. Don’t use all of your oohs and ahhs in one place, because there’s plenty more of this to go around.

Then, when I’ve had enough of that, I see this. As soon as I’m out of the turn, I come across it and I just can’t believe what a view I have. Look at all those people! Look at all that excitement! Could you at least pretend just for me?

You see that second turn? Oh, you do...well, when I get around that, I see this. Baby, we’re making some progress now.

After I cross the bridge in a very literal sense, I come to a fork in the road where I proceed to go left. That’s where it really gets exciting. See?

If I take five and a half more minute out of my day, I turn a corner and come to this. And no, unfortunately those brown blobs are not part of my walking tour. I added them to protect my neighbors' privacy. I don't know why I felt the need to do that, but call me dangerous, because I did!

And this turns into that...and you can see how exciting that is. It’s much more exciting than this.

Then I turn around and come back, because I’ve literally gone to the middle of nowhere. If I keep walking, I will come right out of the middle of nowhere and end up in the middle of somewhere, and I’m not so sure if I’m ready for that. I mean, I just finally got the map for the middle of nowhere that I ordered six months ago. It’s going to take another good six months to get a map to the middle of somewhere and I just don’t want to go it alone. I’m scared. Someone hold me.

As I turn around and walk back to my house, which is also in the middle of nowhere, from the middle of nowhere but closer to somewhere, things get much more exciting. Wait, prepare yourselves for this. Hold your horses, tie down your daughters and put down your food so you can feast your eyes on this.

Ah, ah, and this!

And now that you’re on the same page as me and so excited that you could pee your pants, I shall share with you the really, really exciting things I see along the way. If you feel that you can’t handle this yet, it’s okay. Although I don’t offer a recovery group for the overly excited, I do forewarn you all to take a break, walk away from the screen, and come back later when you’re really bummed out and all set to see what I have in store next.

Back? Oh, that was fast. Okay...now that you’re here, here we go.

There is a church on my walk. I know what you’re thinking, "aww, a really pretty church." No, it’s just a brick church that can fit three really tiny people if it expands itself by one pew. Oh, and its bathrooms are outside. Just saying.

I came across a grinnie. That's what we call them in these here parts. I know he or she looks awfully small in this picture, and he or she was in real life, too, which is why I circled him, or her, for your enjoyment. Plus, I couldn’t get too close to him or her because he or she was a little shy. I didn’t want to scare him or her, so we made a deal that if I took a picture from five feet away, he or she would let me, as long as it wasn’t a straight on picture so all of his friends couldn’t pick on him for getting put on a blog. That’s not cool in the squirrel world. Oops, and I mean her. She was definitely a her...I think.

After the grinnie, my eyes were immediately diverted towards this lovely pipe that sticks down in the marsh. Yes, there's a marsh on my walk. And by immediately diverted I mean I was really checking things out and there it was hiding back in there. I waved, but being as it’s metal and a little cold, it didn’t wave back.

And just because you almost had a heart attack of excitement, I urge you to go take your heart meds and calm yourself down, because not only do I have that view of the pipe, I have another view of the pipe from a different angle. Hot sex?

Hot sex indeed!

Last but not least, I learned something new on my walk, which is by far the most exciting thing of all. We all know how I like to learn things. So what is it that I learned? Well, I had the privilege of learning for the first time that someone is building a house in the middle of the woods where they think no one can see them. Oh, but I see you. You don’t fool me. You might fool my readers, whom, albeit me circling it probably can’t see it because you’re hiding so well, but you do not fool me!

Now after all of that excitement, I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering, Amy, if it’s so boring to walk that way, why don’t you just take another route. Well, my friends, in anticipation of this question, I have prepared another post which will wipe away all of your curiosities.

Oh, and before I forget, did you get my little title pun? Did you see how punny I am? Get it, punny?

Okay, yes, even gravel got that one. But, you see, I’m using a Mac, and Macs have a thing for putting an i first. So I went there. Okay, really I was just thinking of iCarly when I did it, but who’s keeping track? Oh, that’s right, I am.