The Ballet Kind of Girl

When I was a little girl, I took dance lessons. I wore a pink tutu with white polka dots, and had little ballet shoes without the wood in the toes because those hurt my feet and I was little. I danced for several years and did several recitals until I got old enough to realize something really important. I really wasn’t a ballet kind of girl.

Now, all these years later, I wish I would have stayed with it, only, at the same time, I kind of don’t. I didn’t like the tutus or the makeup, or showing off, but I do wish I would have stayed in it long enough to skip all of that crap and learn how to dance like a beautiful swan. I find myself captivated by interpretive dance and mostly anything choreographed by Mandy Moore. I wish I could do that.

So much pressure builds up, though, when you’re that young and that dedicated. You start to wonder if you’re good enough, pretty enough, or just plain talented enough to pull it off. It boils over eventually, and in the years when you’re supposed to be a kid, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

This is why, when I see shows like Toddlers and Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect, that I wonder if these little girls really want to do this, or if their mothers are pushing their dreams on their children. They see them the way they wish they were when they were little and know they’re pretty enough and talented enough, and they want them to do it. But what do the kids think?

Undeniably, there are kids out there that want that more than anything, but a lot of the time I see kids scream or cry, and they plain out do not want to get on that stage. I can’t help but be angry at the mothers and want to tell them that their kids are not them. Their kids have their own dreams and aspirations.

Let’s also talk about the outfits they wear and the makeup they put on. All of those little girls are so cute without much makeup, and the next thing you know it they have more makeup on than I’ve ever worn in my entire life period. Their costumes are often small, or over done. This is because, in the pageant world, the over the top girls always win. I want to understand this, but I can't.

I think what I’m saying is, I want to understand the pageant world, but don’t. These little girls are all beautiful, each and every one of them, just the way they are. So why all the makeup, and the ridiculous, overdone dresses and small costumes?

It takes me back to the days when I stood there, small and young, in my little costume, over done up and wondered why I was doing this. I wondered if I was good enough, or pretty enough and if I wanted to quit, if my mom would let me or if I was living out her dream.

My mom let me quit, and I am forever thankful to have a mom like that, who let me aspire to my own dreams, let me follow my own path, and didn’t try to make me into what I didn’t want to be.