Behold! Slipper Ransom - The Conclusion

I never heard back from Aunt Bev after that last ransom letter, and although I wanted to continue to write ransom letters because I was just having far too much fun with it to be normal, Friday was the following day. You know, since it comes after Thursday and all. Thanks for that, Rebecca Black. Being as it was, I devised my last plan.

Taking the materials below, I cut up red and white thread that matched the slipper into little pieces.

I then placed the thread in a baggy so it wouldn't get loose and flee.

I placed the baggy inside of the envelope. This sounds very secretive and hinky, I know.

Then put Aunt Bev's name on the envelope.

Last, I set up a bunch of crazy, wacky pictures and made my last ransom letter to include them. I stuffed it inside before sealing the envelope. It is as follows.

My Dearest Beverly,

Oh, my dearest, instruction following disabled Beverly. The warning was set-forth, and I’ve given you all the evidence you’ve needed to know the ransom against your slipper was not a joke, yet you still refused to listen. I regret to inform you that the contents of the envelope are all that is left of you poor, unfortunate slipper that died an unnecessary death because of you. Shame on you! And just to prove it’s really gone, I documented the event for your torture.

First, I hung your slipper with green, unbreakable yarn. I know this will not kill said slipper, but yet I chose to place the yarn through the snowman’s throat, therefore counting him as deceased. As you can see, the real, live bear can smell a snowman turning to snowballs from a mile away and came to investigate. Soon, he found he could not resist and began to munch on your slipper. There was nothing I could do to stop him once he started.


Because I felt bad, I waited until the real, live bear was asleep and decided to extract his stuffing through his missing nose. When I did, I found no slipper, only the following; remnants of what could have been, if only you had met your ransom. After that was done, I re-stuffed him and I was forced to perform the painful procedure of sewing his nose back up before he ate me, too. He looks as good as new, which is good for him, but bad for your slipper. I’m sorry to see we could not reach an agreement, but it is what it is and the real, live bear is very full now. He says thanks.



I placed the envelope in my purse and hid the slipper inside another pocket of my purse, where Aunt Bev couldn't see it when I opened my purse to hand her the envelope. The plan was for me to give her the envelope, have her open it, see the pieces of thread and the ransom letter, and let her believe her slipper had met its maker. Then, I would pull out the slipper, while cackling loudly. Let's just say that's how things went down, you know, for the sake of the story.

In reality, I didn't have time to do that on Friday, so I threw the ransom letter and slipper in her hands and told her to look in the envelope first and pretend like she read the letter and I gave her the slipper second, and then left. I apologize for ruining my own climatic ending.