The Crazy People Chronicles

Selling things has always been an adventure for me. By now, I've told you plenty of Craigslist stories. Don't get me wrong, they don't anger me. When I retell them to you guys, it's because they make me laugh, and I'm all about sharing laughs. The ridiculous things people do never seize to amaze and delight me. Okay, delight may be an overstatement. To honor that, this post shall be no different than the other Craigslist crazy posts. Sit back, grab some popcorn, and get ready for some laughs. Please don't choke on the popcorn, though. I can't be responsible for your choking and dying.

I had tried to sell a dress on Craigslist. It was an evening gown with a zipper up the back. In the ad, I not only put the size, but also my own size and measurements so that people had a good idea if it would fit them or not. In theory, this is a fabulous idea. In real life, people don't read. I had several people email me, their size included, asking me if I thought my dress would fit them. They would be three of four sizes bigger than me most of the time. I answered the first few and then ignored them. I just don't understand how much clearer I could make the sizing. Trust me, I don't want to put my measurements online, but I thought it would stop those kinds of questions. I was so wrong. This is normal for me, so I was right on par.

Keeping with that theme, I also had people email me telling me that they were larger than me, but they still wanted to come try on the dress to see if it fit them. Unfortunately, because the dress had a zipper, I had to turn them down. The dress fits me perfectly, so if they were larger, there would be no way they'd get into it without most likely breaking the zipper, and I just didn't want to get in to that. I didn't want to ruin the dress. The moral of the story; it's useless to try to sell clothing on Craigslist.

As you also know, I was trying to sell furniture on Craigslist. Due to the amount of spam and general stupidity, I took the furniture down and decided to go ahead and keep it. A few days after doing this, I received an email from a woman regarding it. For a moment I panicked, knowing I had taken the ads down and wondering how she got my email address. Then I looked at her name and my sent messages and realize she had contacted me about said furniture about a month and a half before. When I opened her old emails, I immediately headed the coffee table.

When this woman contacted me previously, she had asked me questions that were already in the ad. She did this three times. By the third time, I was honestly tired of going back and forth and answering her questions which were ALREADY IN THE AD! One time I can forgive. Three times, not so much. I very nicely told her this exactly. "Please read the ad before emailing me again. All of your questions can be answered there. Thank you for your interest." She never got back to me. I never expected her to. That was fine.

Until now. Now she was back. All her email said was "Call me about this furniture." The phone number was included. Already foreseeing how this was going to go, I emailed her back and told her I would be more than happy to answer any questions she had through email. That was a lie, because if she started asking me questions that were in the ad again, although the ad had been taken down, I was ignoring her. I just wasn't doing it with her again. By this time I had resigned to the fact that I was keeping the furniture because of the spam and hassles and people like her. And it'd be one thing if it was just her, but we're talking three of four emails like this a day that ultimately ended up wasting hours of my time. Not only that, but I don't give out my phone number on Craigslist until we have a date and time set up for them to come see the furniture, in case they got lost. If people were spamming me relentlessly through email, what were they going to do with to my phone, especially with texting? At least I could block them on my email.

In response, I got an entire novel of an email back. The woman told me she had since bought other furniture for herself, but went on to tell me about her friend, and his entire life story. How his wife left him when his daughter was two, he raised his daughter himself, didn't have a steady job, was very poor, etc. Look, I feel for the guy, I do, because my mom was a single mother after my dad left, and there were so tough times. This, however, had nothing to do with my furniture. Then she went on to tell me that his daughter had old, mismatched furniture and was looking for some new furniture. She showed his daughter my set and she was in love with it, so in love that it made said author of the email cry, but I wasn't to tell him that she had told me his story. She also told me she had just reconnected with her friend, since she just separated from her husband. Again, no idea what this had to do with the ad, but I did catch one thing that immediately made me call bullshit.

She said her friend was very poor. Let me just be honest, my bedroom set was not cheap. I was asking $1200 for it, which is comparable to brand new furniture sets. However, the new sets were usually three of four pieces and made primarily if plywood. My set had five pieces and was all wood. I researched the value of it thoroughly before pricing it. My furniture was also a unique, light wood with etched colored flowers set in the wood, instead of being plain. If you're poor, you're not going to even begin to look at a $1200 set of furniture. At all. You're going to find another, cheaper set for your daughter that matches and is still beautiful. I wasn't buying what this lady was selling and was quite frankly annoyed that she felt the need to tell me all of this, because I felt she was just trying to get the furniture cheaper. I also didn't believe there was a friend or a daughter by the way she worded it. I had a feeling she was looking for it for herself after coming up empty on her search and was trying to get a better price. I forwarded her email to a few friends without my thoughts, and all thought the same thing. It was truly in her poor wording. She was also aware from our previous conversations that she was responsible for removing the furniture from the home, as I can not lift it. It's very heavy furniture. I told her all of this before.

I emailed her back and nicely said that I was available the day and time she wanted to come look at the furniture, but I wanted to let her know, so that we didn't waste our time, that I was firm on the price. She emailed me back and told me that she knew that I was since we had talked about that before. I had our emails right there; we hadn't. She then went on to tell me another life story, one which told me all about the physical therapy she was in and how she was having all these problems, but she would be coming over after her physical therapy. However, instead of coming at a certain time, she wanted me to call her between a certain time, that way I could stay on the phone with her while she picked up her friend, and then give her directions to my house on the phone. Initially, she had actually given me a time. I have not a clue what changed from one email to the next, especially when I agreed to the time already.

Let me be totally honest with you, I have not a clue where in the hell she was coming from. I couldn't even have taken a guess, nor was I going to sit on the phone with her for however long it took her to pick up her friend and get here, to give her directions. That's what mapquest is for.

Oh? What's that? You caught where she said was in physical therapy? Yeah, me too. So obviously her friend wasn't going to be able to lift the furniture himself, and she wasn't going to be able to lift the furniture, which left me to help. I already told her I couldn't. So between my previous experience with her, that, the fact that I thought she was bullshitting me, her stories that I felt for yet had nothing to do with the furniture, the changing times, her lying to me, and the fact that I had a feeling she was trying to get the furniture cheaper, I was not thrilled about her coming out. I was also reminded why I took the furniture offline.

I emailed her and told her that it would be better if we just set up a time. I was available the same times she was, but also had things to do that day, so if she gave me a time I would be here waiting. I would also give her my address so she could mapquest it, and my phone number if she got lost. I never heard back from her. I even checked in with her again, but nothing.

I like to imagine this is exactly what happened.

Her: "Look at this email! This girl isn't going to give me a break on the furniture!"

Guy Who May or May Not Have a Daughter: "I thought you said you were going to give her some long, sad, sob story, and she was going to give it to you cheaper! Minerva, I already told you we can't afford no $1200 furniture."

Her: "I did, but that little bitch said she was firm on the price."

GWMOMNHAD: "There's no point in us going."

Sometimes you can call people's bluff from a mile away. I had figured the first time that one of the reasons she had not further inquired about the furniture was the price, because she kept trying to buy pieces separately, and also saying things like, "I would like to have the full set, but I just can't." And then she would just go right on ahead and ask me questions already in the ad. Maybe I'm a jerk for asking her to set a time, but I'm glad I didn't waste my time with her. The ball was in her court. I've actually come to the conclusion that the frustration I've gone through trying to sell this furniture was not worth it, but it made me appreciate and love my furniture all over again.

This lady is still not my favorite ridiculous lady ever. I would like to present you with the story of the lady who I don't believe actually had a child. Back in the day, I was trying to sell my horse to a child who would love her, ride her, show her, and spend time with her since I don't get up to see her as often as I should. I just wanted her to be happy. She is a small horse and has issues supporting the weight of many normal sized adults. She does better with people of 120 lbs and below. She also loves kids and will do anything they tell her like an obedient little puppy dog. In the ad, I put that I was looking to sell her to a child only and was very up front about her issues with carrying someone over 120 lbs. I said she'd need a small child that she could grow with and was amazing with children. I was honest in the ad and reiterated every time someone would email me so they understood. If we couldn't sell her to the right home, we were going to keep her, as we were just trying to do what was best for her. I was also clear in the ad about this, too, so no one could feel like we were just trying to dupe them.

Needless to say, we got everything. We had someone come up with a ten year old that was taller than me and nearly 150 lbs. (I had this happen two times, believe it or not, with two different people.) We had a girl come up who claimed to be a championship barrel racer, but was afraid of my tiny, western pleasure horse and refused to ride her. I had another set of people who came up, rode the horse, insisted she was lame because she had white legs. If you know anything about horses, you know that these are called socks and many, many horses have them. They obviously had no basic horse knowledge. They still wanted her, but they wanted her cheap. If a horse is lame, you're not going to want to buy her because that's not something you can reverse. Plus, we had had her pre-checked by a vet for any issues, and also told them they could bring their own vet out to check her. They said no, they just wanted her cheap. NEXT.

We had other people come up, look at her, and they were wonderful, wonderful people. They were interested, their little girl was adorable, they were lovely. They called us a couple days later letting us know that they wanted her, however, they could only pay half the price for her because they also needed hay. They couldn't afford both. We weren't willing to sell the horse for half price, nor did we think it was fair that they expected us to do that because they couldn't afford her. It also brought up the concern of if they could really afford another horse, which would otherwise be none of our business. They had to know they were going to need hay and couldn't afford both when they came to look at her. It was only two days later when they called us, and they knew the price of her upon coming to see her. We even discussed it with them when they were there.

We had other people who were supposed to meet us and never showed up at the meeting place. We tried to contact them and nothing. Almost an hour later they called and said they were there. By that point we had already come back home and we weren't going to go back out. They did apologize for running late, but also didn't feel it necessary to call us and tell us they were running late, as they had our cell numbers, nor did they think it was a problem they were that late. They tried to do the same thing another time. We passed on going through that again.

We had several people who would email me asking me if I would sell the horse cheaper without even coming to see her. And it wouldn't be a little cheaper, it would be a lot. One person offered us less than half the price. You had your general people who were interested, but never got back to you, people who didn't show up and wasted your time, etc. Those were to be expected.

The last woman and child who came to look at our horse came through a friend of ours. Although her child was a little large, they were nice people. They told us all about their brand new barn, arena, the great place they had, and how they would love for me to help the daughter learn the proper cues for the horse. I was all about helping this little girl learn about the horse, and they didn't live very far from us. This sounded perfect, because being able to help your horse blend in with a new family, and the family blend in with her, was really what we were looking for, for her. Plus, the little girl was quite sweet, although quiet.

Because I was going to be helping her daughter train the horse, we got to go to their house and check out their wonderful facilities pre them purchasing the horse. Imagine our surprise when we got there and none of the facilities existed. Nothing they had said had been truthful. There was no arena. The barn was one of those old barns that was falling over and not safe. There was no door on it, there were no stalls, the flooring was nothing but mud, they didn't have any way to separate the horse from their cows and bull if necessary, and nowhere to put her if she were to get hurt and needed to heal. The windows were gone; it was freezing in there and all the elements could get in. It was also too small to fit in all of the cows they already had and the bull, meaning someone was going to be left out in the cold. Since our horse is less than pushy, it'd most likely be her. They also didn't regulate who ate what. They just threw food out, and whomever got to it got to eat. Whomever didn't, didn't eat. They didn't see a problem with this. Horses need regulated eating schedules and so much food a day, just like a human. Then they went to tell us that their bull is quite aggressive and will attack deer, horses, etc, but they had no separate pasture for her, so she'd learn to co-exist.

We questioned her about what she had told us and why she had lied to us. Her response was that she hadn't lied to us. She was planning on doing all the things she told us in the next couple of years. The more we talked to her, the more we realized she knew nothing about owning a horse. This included not knowing they needed vet care like smaller animals, shots, shoeing and their feet taken care of, and so on. Anything they had told us and the way they had presented themselves was a total farce. We were so upset that we did not sell to her. We took the ad off the horse website that night and decided not to sell her.

Still, through all of this and all the strange people we had and experiences we had been through, my favorite lady, as I mentioned before, was the one who never really had a kid. She initially contacted me telling me that she would like a horse for her son. She sounded like a good fit, so we were setting up an appointment for her to come meet the horse. That's when everything started to get odd. All of a sudden she stopped mentioning her son. She was just talking about her coming out, her wondering if she'd fit in our saddle, her riding, etc. We picked a day and I said to her that I was looking forward to meeting her and her son. This is when all hell broke loose.

She full out lost her shit. She said in no way, shape or form would I be meeting her son. Her son would not be meeting the horse or riding the horse. I had no right to assume her son was coming out. Her language and wording, quite frankly, were disturbing. Color me surprised, because she told me she was buying the horse for her son, and her son would be the only one riding her. I didn't think it was out of line to bring her son out to ride the horse to see if he clicked with the horse or liked the horse at all, because each person has a different relationship with each horse. I also thought it weird that you'd want to buy a horse for your son without your son riding it first.

I apologized and told her that I was under the impression that he'd be coming out, too, since the horse was for him. Again, she flipped out. She told me she made the decisions in the house. She chose a horse for her son, and if she brought the horse home and her son didn't like her, she'd just resell her. Her language was, again, disturbing and this raised a lot of red flags. No one wants to go through all of that trouble. If it was between just simply bringing your son out to ride the horse and see if he liked it, or coming out without him, buying the horse, having the kid hate it, and having to sell it again, which, of course, there's no guarantee you will, you're going to just bring your kid with you when you're already coming out. Something just felt wrong.

I told her that I was sorry, but that simply was not what I wanted for my horse. I wanted to sell her to a forever home, not have her go somewhere where they would be comfortable turning around and selling her if she didn't fit in with their home. Let me tell you, this lady ripped me a new one. She told me I had no say over what kind of home my horse went to and that I would show her the horse. I had no choice. She would like directions to the barn, which thankfully I had not given her yet, and she would be meeting me there at the set time. Complete with inappropriate and threatening language. I emailed her back again and thanked her for her business, but told her the horse was mine and it was my decision to do what I wished with the horse.

She emailed me back with another obscenity laden rant. I ignored her. She emailed me consistently up to the day we were to meet and after. I blocked her email, but she eventually turned me into the site saying that I was disinterested in selling my horse. I forwarded them her emails. They never said a word about it to me again.

It took me awhile to realize it, but after I thought it out, it occurred to me that she would have never reacted the way she had if she had a son. Some of the wording in her emails had made no sense before, but suddenly it all fell together. This woman was clearly looking to buy the horse for herself under the rouse that she had a son, and when I brought him up casually, as in I was looking forward to meeting him, that's when she lost her shit. There's no reason to lie to people or to act that way. I just don't get people sometimes.

So I guess the moral of the story is that I should just never try to sell things. Although I've gone through far more easy, issue free sales than I have gone through impossibly ridiculous ones, they're not the ones that make good stories. The normal ones are uneventful. I've learned over the years to take the ridiculous experiences in stride and laugh them off, and then share with as many people as possible.