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Howdy cowpokes. Okay, unless you like horses this doesn't apply, and the last thing I want to do is alienate anyone. So let me begin again.

Hello everyone! Better?

I'm sorry for not updating lately. I don't necessarily think this post is going to be filled with glee and wonderment beyond reasonable proportions, but I will update you on where the hell I've been.

As some of you know, but I think most of you don't, my blood disorder has crept into my back. In the two years since I've been diagnosed with LA, I've never had this happen. The reason I know the pain in my back is from it is because the lacing rash that comes with my LA is covering my back. And man does it hurt. If I thought my legs and arms hurt, this held no candle to what my back feels like, which is making it difficult to get up to do much of anything. I don't know what made my blood disorder decide all of a sudden to move into my back, too, but here's the only reasons I can come up with.

*Some of the blood disorder got sick of my arms and legs and left to find new territory. The rest of it was happy where it was and stayed put.

*There was an argument between my arms, legs and blood disorder, so the disagreeing party left, while the part that did agree stayed.

*It thinks it's funny.

*It got bored where it was.

*It needed room to stretch out just to make sure no part of my body was left unscathed.

*It runs my body with an iron fist. It finally managed to scare the rest of my body into allowing it to creep into my back. And it is enjoying it there.

I've even had it in my face, people, but never my back. I haven't been able to feel my left leg in close to two weeks. I know it's there, but it's just numb. This has happened before, but not the whole way up to my back. The top of my leg is hard and swollen, and I'm beginning to worry about a blood clot. I'm over-worrying, I'm sure. I see the doctor next month, so I'll know for sure. If it gets worse between now and then, I'll go to the ER just to be checked since I know I'm highly susceptible to blood clots.

Also, I've been doing something really strange that I can't seem to explain. I am running into things. None of you are shocked by this because I'm a klutz, but it's not like that. I am watching where I'm going, looking straight at something, seeing I have plenty of room to pass it, and then, before I even realize what happened, I'll run into it. And I still didn't think I was close enough to do that. I had my eyes checked and they're fine. Better than fine, actually. I'm seeing better than 20/20, so I don't know what's causing this. Also, we've had the same furniture and arrangement for several years, so even if I'm not seeing things right, you would think common sense and habit would tell me when I was too close to something; like a wall.

I will also just fall over or fall into something at random. I won't feel it coming, I won't get dizzy, I won't feel funky, and then I'll just black out and fall into something. As you can imagine, I look like I got in a fight with a bully and lost badly. I can't figure out why I'm doing this, so if anyone has heard of anything like this, please let me know. I can't get in to see my doctor for another three weeks, and that's at her moving up the appointment for me. This is totally a new thing for me.

On top of that, I am having bigger problems than usual with my mom. For those of you who have known me for awhile, you know of the strained relationship with my mom. She has been diagnosed bi-polar by two different psychiatrists, but thinks she knows better and refuses to take the meds.

She also has a God complex, which makes her difficult to live with. I feel like her minion and nothing more. I don't even feel like her friend, and at this age, I think we should be friends. If I could move, I would. But right now with being sick I can't, and sometimes she makes me feel like I am a burden and being sick is my fault. I'm having a hard time right now even finding something to say to her or wanting to be around her, and she's all into my business when I hardly ever leave the house.

She's getting to where she suddenly wants to know what I'm doing online and is accusing me of having a boyfriend I'm not telling her about. I don't, and why that matters I don't know. I like my privacy and share what is relevant with my mom. I don't like everyone in my business and it, as well as my mom running over everything I try to do and claim that it's her right since I'm her daughter; in other words, her property. That's all I feel like I am to her sometimes.

So, for right now, I'm just having a hard time. I'm miserable from being sore and sick, and emotionally beyond my limit with my mom. As soon as I have something cheery to say, I promise I will be back to update. I don't want to add too much non cheeriness to this blog. I might make it cry.