The Story of My Life In Spirits and the Paranormal + Help Identify Leah M.

I grew up in a world where I didn't have to question if the paranormal existed. I knew that it did. With that knowing and that gift came a lot of secrets and keeping things inside. When I try to look back on what made me who I am, I keep going back to being that child who tried to sleep in her bedroom while an old lady who no one else could see would knit in a rocking chair in the corner of my room. I remember looking at her and knowing she was there and wondering why no one else could see her. I remember not telling anyone, because even as a child, I knew no one else would understand.

As I got older, as in the last ten years or so, the paranormal has been more widely accepted. I felt like I could "come out" so to speak and talk to people about what I do. But it's really just been in the last few months that I feel like I can be completely open to all my friends, plus to the internet world. This decision was made because I realize I want to use my gifts to help people. I want to help as many people as I can, and my personal life has to take a back seat to that. To be fair, though, my personal life has always taken a back seat to this gift. I just didn't know it until today.

I grew up hiding my gift, therefore, indirectly hiding myself and who I really was from my friends, family and the world. After you get to a certain age, that becomes a part of you. If you can hide the one huge thing that you do, the thing that is completely normal to you but not normal for anyone else, you can hide the little things, too. Before you know it, your song is being sung only by you, your future written in a book only you have the ability to read. It's like you become this little complicated story within yourself, but everyone else sees this easy, breezy, relatively normal person, and it's a lie.

I don't regret my gift, nor do I want to push it away. In fact, over the years I've realized that helping those who have passed, those who others can't, is more important than my personal life. It's okay to put what I want on the back burner to do the job I was born to do. This is in my blood. This is a part of me. If I wake up one day and I can't read people, or help those who have passed, or anything like that, I would be completely lost and feel like my purpose was done in this life.

I'm going to have to find someone who shares this with me if I'm ever going to settle down, and I know that. My goal is to help as many people as I can with my gift, but it would be nice to get what I wanted for once. It would be nice to have a little family and a relatively normal life, but still know that the person I'm with understands that what I do is in my blood and shares that with me. But I love what I do enough that I wouldn't give it up for someone or hide it or be someone else just to be with someone.

On the same token, I realize that sometimes I sabotage my own relationships. I'm slowly coming out of my shell and trying to break the mold I put myself into over the years. Simple questions like, what's your best childhood memory, become emotional for me to answer because I feel like that's so private. That is not that private. I'm just used to keeping everything to myself and letting people see who I am today, who I am now, and just the basics. I'm not used to opening up, but I want to. I want to find the right way to do that and the right person to do this with. So far the only people who see me inside out are the spirits that I help. It's funny to think that they can become friends or a part of you, but they can. I connect with them and their stories. With as many psychic mediums as there are in this world, they wouldn't come to me if there wasn't a connection.

So I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes I feel like I'll spend more sleepless nights being woken up by the dead who inevitably forget that the living sleep, than I will by screaming babies or romantic nights out with someone special. But you know what, that's okay. It's not how I pictured my life, but I'm following a path that is in my blood. One day I will get what I want, but not until the time is right, and I find someone who feels just as lost in this random little paranormal club that seems so small in such a big world. Nothing will ever be perfect, but it will work.

And to end this blog, I'm going to put something out there that I put on Twitter. For those of you who know about my abilities, you know that I confirm any information that I get from each spirit who comes to me, plus I work with a lot of murdered and missing people. This is not because I do not believe in my gift, because I do more than I believe in anything else. However, I also know that it is careless to not confirm circumstances and the like before I dive into anything, because there are plenty of things out there who will try to trick people like me, plus people who could be hurt if I'm the teeniest bit incorrect, and hurting people is not a business I am in.

This is why I would love to get into paranormal investigating more than I have. I know how to investigate, I just would love to do it more. I think it would be amazing to be able to take my abilities and use them to capture solid evidence of the paranormal. That's my butterfly eyed dream job, but I'm getting off track here, so I digress.

I am very scientific, plus cautious in the way that I use my gifts, therefore, I need your guys' help with something. The other night I had almost gotten to sleep after lying there helplessly for awhile when I had one of the worse nights I had ever had as far as spirits go. I spent over an hour listening to a spirit begging for help, and worse yet, I couldn't get her attention to calm her because she didn't know that she had passed, and I couldn't see her, though she was quite loud. Finally, after over an hour of this, I was able to get one of my other deceased girls who was in the upset spirit's plain, therefore allowing the upset spirit to see her, to let her know she had passed and calm her. That's confusing if you're not used to the paranormal, I know, so if you want clarification, let me know and I can do that.

I looked for the crying spirit the next night to no avail. I was both scared and worried that she wouldn't come back for help, especially knowing that the spirit who had gotten her attention had taken off again to do whatever it is that she does in the spirit world to keep the balance of good and evil at bay. (I have an idea of what she and some of my other girls do, but it would be a lie if I said I knew exactly what they did.) The new spirit was out there alone, and I wanted to help her. My heart was broken for her, especially with what had gone on the night before, and I kept asking her that if she could hear me, she needed to come back to me. She needed to tell me what was wrong if she could. I was only here to help her.

The next night she came back. This time I could see her, and she was aware she was dead and somewhat able to communicate, although it was a bit tough on her. All she was able to tell me in her struggle to learn how to communicate in the spirit world was that her name was Leah M. She did say her last name, but I was unable to make it out, and she was unable to repeat it to me. I believe it was something like Manchester or Mangotti, but don't hold me to that. She was about 5'6 or 5'7, around 130 pounds, with long, straight dark hair down just an inch past her breasts, side bangs that hit around the corner of her eye on her left side when looking at her, and blueish green eyes. Her cheekbones were high and pronounced and her lips were fuller.

I have been unable to find her in a database to confirm the circumstances of what happened to her, so this is where you guys come in. If you know anyone who is missing a Leah M that fits this description, I have her and there is a reason for it. For reasons concerning the fact that this is someone's friend, daughter, sister and loved one, I will not elaborate on how she died in a public forum, but if this is your person, please let me know and we can discuss this further. I want to help her, but I can't help her until I find out where she came from. She has been trying to ask me for certain people, and as she gets stronger as a spirit and understands how to navigate the spirit world a little better, I'm understanding her more and more, so if you contact me, I will know if she is your loved one.

I have this fear of contacting families on my own, and I wish I wasn't such a wimp. In this case she's asking me to contact her roommate specifically, a twenty two year old Spanish girl whose name I am having trouble understanding. It's very pretty and classically Spanish, plus it starts with a P. I will never spell it or pronounce it right, but it sounds like Pe-ay-ha when she says it. I think it's a nickname, though. The girls would have lived somewhere just west of the Mojave Desert. The roommate, P, would wear a lot of turquoise jewelry, and Leah has a tattoo of an eagle on her ribcage, just under and off to the side of her left breast. She would have been into graphic design or some kind of arts. Some of this stuff is stuff I've been told, and others stuff I am psychically picking up.

I think I've put enough information out there that you will know if this is your loved one or not. That way, this gives the family and friends a chance to contact me, so that my fear of going to jail in connection with a case because I called a family who didn't believe in mediums and freak someone out doesn't come true. If you know this person, please contact me. You can find my email address in my profile. It is your choice to believe me or not; I'm not asking for you to, but I want to put Leah to rest, and I know that's all you want too.