The "Women About the Town" Writer

I have a problem. Writing a novel has become so much more complicated than I thought. I know what you're all thinking; this is hard work. How could you not see this coming? The truth is that I knew it was hard work and I did see it coming, but not to this capacity. Here's why.

Some of you know this and some of you may not, but I spent around four years writing and posting stories on the internet. I would sometimes have four going at a time. It took me anywhere between a month and three months to finish one story, thirty chapters or more, ten pages or more each. Going into this novel I thought I would have the same kind of success, but I've had less success than ever. It took me awhile, but I've figured out the two reasons why.

One is genuinely because of my health. I get horrible migraines and the like, and sometimes I can't think past my nose. I feel like I'm in a haze and completely miserable. This can last days, sometimes a week or so. It's nearly impossible to write when you can't think, obviously. Also, I used to pick up one little thing from my day, something minute but abnormal, and work off of that. I would be excited to add it to my new chapter and rush home to do so after work, and then type into the wee hours of the morning happily. I have basically no social interaction now and am stuck with nothing but myself and my brain. Too much thinking about the same thing, and no breaks for a chance to live your life can hinder writing a novel.

The main reason for this, however, is that the stories I wrote online I wrote for fun. I stand behind all of them and have often thought about turning them into novels, because I already know the changes I'd have to make on them in order to do and can use them as a basic outline. In fact, I have one story that several people have requested I flip into a novel, but I'm finding that in a lot of the ways it is easier to already have a template to work off of, it's ten times harder when you get to a part you love, but you know you have to take out for novel purposes, and then I get frustrated. Namely, though, it's my connection to the characters and the way that they're part of me, and the things they go through are often events I've gone through, or parallel for relationships I've had. Quite simply, sometimes I wear myself out thinking about it, or it becomes too hard to write.

I tried to work on a story that had nothing to do with my life or anything I've gone through, but my writing suffered. It wasn't as heart felt, and although it was good, it wasn't up to the standards of what I know I can do. If I do this novel, it has to show all my talent and be full out everything. It can't just be good. I know that.

Then there's a rare issue that I'm not counting into the other two issues, because perhaps it isn't an issue at all. I have ADHD, which most of you know. I love it and it's what gives the quirk to my personality, but the other issue is that it can often allow you to come up with, fall in love with and be distracted by several ideas at once. I have over twenty stories started; closer to thirty, actually. And by started I mean there are more than five chapters done in each, all at least ten pages long each, and most have full outlines. These are stories I've been working on for years and have on the back burner. There's a few that I know definitely have to be flipped to novels, and it's the few that I keep flipping back and forth between, writing consistently for each of them. I want to focus on just one novel but I can't, and I feel like I need opinions and I'm not getting anything done. It's very frustrated.

Sometimes I even worry that I'm on the wrong path. I don't lose faith in what I'm writing, but I lose faith in if I know the kind of story that someone else would want to read. It's not that I'm writing for anyone else but me, but I also have to keep in mind that anything I write has to be something others would like in order to get a book deal, so I come up with ideas with that in mind. Of course, it's all stuff I want to write about anyway, so it works out for all of us. I just wonder what people would want to read, and then wonder why I wonder that because of the reviews and the fan base I've built with my online stories. There will always be people who like what I write and more that hate it, but that's normal.

Sometimes I maul over writing a book about my paranormal experiences. Truth be told, I could write that baby quicker than I could write a fictional novel, because I have so many experiences that I could tell without having to make anything up. In a way, writing about true life, instead of trying to make a story to tell it without actually telling it, is a lot easier. I know the "paranormal thing" is popular right now and that it would probably go over pretty okay. But the thing is, a lot of the stories I have to tell are personal to the people who I have seen, and not my stories to tell. I know these people have passed, but I still don't want to invade their privacy. Others are experiences that I can tell without the third party personal stories involved. Others, the spirit involved wouldn't care if I wrote about them. but still, I feel like they're not my stories to tell.

I could always do a fictional supernatural story, but that's a whole other issue. I've been working on a few supernatural things and a few "civil service" stories. One of my unique ones is both. My genre has always been aimed at fiction for women about the town in their late teens, early twenties and thirties. Women who are strong, independent, and don't need a man, but then there's a twist of romance that comes into the stories. I feel like most writers miss this age group, and when they do hit it, their stories are light, fluffy and don't have a lot of substance. I want to tell more real world stories, more true to life ones, and ones that other women my age can relate to. Both of these genres are total new territory for me, and working on the mind bender aspect is completely interesting to me and is making me think in new ways. Who knows, maybe I'll end up abandoning the stories I got known online for and go into new territory. I'm interested to see what my mind can do.

My mind is everywhere. Not finishing this novel is not an option. I will finish it, and truth be told, I was probably finish three or four to shop around right off the bat. I just feel so conflicted. I wonder when I became unable to write like a crazy mad woman like I used to. I guess it all goes back to not getting out of the house, not having a life, and spending my days with me, my brain, and all the time in the world to write. When it's all I have to do, it's harder to want to do it. When it's the treat at the end of my busy day, it's the thing I live for.

You can lead a horse to water, but the pencil must be lead.