Update For Those Who Stay Up Late

Sorry I haven't written in so long, even if I am just apologizing to myself. I'm actually very disappointed in myself, because this blog was my baby. It still is, but I just haven't really had a chance to get on and blog.

I've been doing a lot of sleeping, and a lot of feeling pretty okay, so I'm taking those chances to do things, but also feeling pretty badly in return too. I am grateful for the days when I feel good, and sleep through the days when I do not, if I can.

I have two tests coming up Monday, have applied for SSI and Social Security since I've been taken off work for at least another year gauranteed, and am just trying to get through the days without too much of a hassle.

My grandmother has become impossibly difficult and is insisting I drive her places since my mom works two jobs, and my aunt, who does not work or do much of anything for that matter, is too lazy to help her out. The problem is, I am not allowed to drive, which, for whatever reason, makes her fight with me instead of my aunt who can and does nothing. It hasn't been so great, because I love my grandma, but she wants what she wants and will never see that my aunt does indeed do things that aren't so terrific, and that she isn't perfect.

The best news though, is that I have rejected keeping up with my blog because I have been elbow deep in working on my novel. This is exciting to me, and I am making sure that every single word I write is something that I love and can stand behind, instead of just doing the best I can and making some parts okay and others great. I expect more than my best. I am so excited for all of you to read this when I am finished with it, and I promise I am working on it as hard as is possible, which means foregoing the blog to have time to do so.

I have also been going through a roller coaster of emotions, most of them my fault, but I understand that I am jealous of people sometimes, and that makes me a loser. I'm not proud of that part of myself, but I am working on it, and as long as I don't let them know I'm jealous, then I still have things under control. It's important to control the emotions that are yours and yours alone, especially when no one else did anything wrong to provoke them. You can't take those kinds of emotions out on anyone else.

I am living, and learning, and becoming more worldly. The other day I ventured into my first sex store with Becky, and a woman she works with by the name of Nancy. I bought nothing, but didn't expect to, and had a great time.

I'm just trying to live the best I can for now, while keeping up hope with those Vegas city lights sparkling in my eyes. I will have that one day. I will.