Why You No Like My Humor?

My mom has been attending meetings at work where they discuss how to turn people who are trying to sell their home themselves into clients. My mom had mentioned to me that they needed a letter to keep on file for them to send to those people explaining their intentions and why they would be a good choice to list their house. Often times they have the address for the person, but their phone number is unlisted, leaving them no other way to contact the person. My mom asked me if I would help her formulate the letter. To be honest, I just didn't feel like doing it, so I came up with this instead. It gave the office a laugh.

March 29, 2011

Dear Expired Seller,
I was contacting you regarding your home. I am a certified real estate agent who is interesting in speaking with you about possibly listing your home. I would have called you, but I was unable to, as I couldn't find your phone number anywhere. Therefore, I have just two questions.

Please call me back at your earliest convenience regarding this matter.
Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Realtor

March 30, 2011

Dear Expired Seller,
I contacted you yesterday regarding listing your house and why your phone number was unlisted no matter how hard I tried to stalk you. I've given you a full twenty four hours, yet you still haven't gotten back to me. This leaves me with but one more question.

Jerk!
Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Realtor

Also, I've been considering my dedication for my novel and realized that I must dedicate part of the book to my neighbors. This is what I've come up with. Let me know what you think.

Dear Neighbors,
Thank you for spending all decent and reasonable hours of the day screaming, yelling, irritating the crap out of me, and assuring that I will be up until five in the morning just to get any work done on my novel, since I have no peace during the day. I hope a car full of fifty clowns comes by and renders your house their new shared living space. Bastards.

Too much? Not enough?